Follow

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

SOME FUNNY BAR SIGNS TO READ NOW BEFORE YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO UNDERSTAND THEM


I've never cared much for beer & Bud hates it.  
The American ones leave too bitter an aftertaste for me.
I did enjoy the taste while I was in Germany.
I also liked a Canadian beer, Moosehead, but I don't even know if they still make it.
I liked these bar signs, too!!













(dumpaday.com)

Blake & I were having lunch & this sign was outside of our restaurant:


I also liked these notices apparently written by the only employee
 who spoke "fluent" English:

● In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. 

● On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. 

● On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP. 

● In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. 

● In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. 

● In a Tokyo hotel:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. 

● On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. 

● In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. 

● Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. 

● Cocktail lounge in Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. 

● Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
(bydewey.com)


I'm sorry, but I can't remember where I found these:

● Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
 DR. JONES, AT YOUR CERVIX. 

● On a Plumber's truck:
DON'T SLEEP WITH A DRIP. CALL YOUR PLUMBER. 

● On an Electrician's truck:
LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS.

● At a Car Dealership:
THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET - MISS A CAR PAYMENT. 

● Outside a Muffler Shop:
NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY. WE HEAR YOU COMING.

● In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 

● In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 

● In the window of a dry cleaner's:
SAME DAY DRY CLEANING - ALL GARMENTS READY IN 48 HOURS 

● In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD 

● In another office: 
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY, PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 

● Outside a furniture shop:
OUR MOTTO: WE PROMISE YOU THE LOWEST PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP 

● Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 

● Sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING 

● In a dental office:
BE TRUE TO YOUR TEETH OR THEY WILL BE FALSE TO YOU 

● Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 

● Sign in a picture shop:
LET US PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE AND FRAME YOU 

● Notice in restaurant:
OUR CUTLERY IS NOT MEDICINE SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT AFTER MEALS 

● Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS 

● Sign on a newly painted bench:
WET PAINT - WATCH IT OR WEAR IT 

● Sign in London pizza parlor:
OPEN 24 HOURS - EXCEPT 2 A.M. - 8 A.M. 

● On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) 

● Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"












 



Tuesday, March 28, 2017

DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY









Sometimes we lose sight of what’s right in front of us.



Some very obvious facts that will make you strangely happy:



Music exists.




















Cats are soft to the touch and often make a purring noise when petted.

Cats are soft to the touch and often make a purring noise when pet.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Dogs are real and they love their humans as much, if not more, than their humans love them.

Dogs are real and they love their humans as much, if not more, than their humans love them.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Chocolate exists.

Chocolate exists.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Fruit grows from the earth and is sweet and delicious to eat.

Fruit grows from the earth and is sweet and delicious to eat.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Many humans enjoy holding hands to show how much they love each other. Otters also do this to not float away from each other in their sleep.

Many humans enjoy holding hands to show how much they love each other. Otters also do this to not float away from each other in their sleep.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

People give each other frosted cakes to celebrate occasions; often on the day they were born each year, because they’re so happy that person exists.

People give each other frosted cakes to celebrate occasions. Often on the day they were born each year, because they're so happy that person exists.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Coffee exists.

Coffee exists.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Sweatpants were invented.

Sweatpants were invented.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

The atoms that make up your body and everything you love have been around for billions of years and will continue to exist long after you’re gone

The atoms that make up your body and everything you love have been around for billions of years and will continue to exist long after you're gone






















Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed

Books, cheese, tea, love, the sky, clouds, flowers, trees, grass, lakes, bunnies, warm blankets, dancing, hugs, smiles, kisses, people that care, art, movies, rain, phones, computers, ice cream, pillows, beds, travels, air, the sun & the moon, hope & you all exist.

Books, cheese, tea, love, the sky, clouds, flowers, trees, grass, lakes, bunnies, warm blankets, dancing, hugs, smiles, kisses, people that care, art, movies, rain, phones, computers, ice cream, pillows, beds, travels, air, the sun and the moon, hope and you all exist.
Loryn Brantz / BuzzFeed
BuzzFeed


Jerry was at a marriage seminar, & the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody if they were happily married & how long they were married for. 

When it was Jerry’s turn he said that he was happily married for almost 50 years. “Wow” the leader gushed “that’s amazing, perhaps you can take a few minutes to share some insights with everybody, how you stay happily married to the same woman for so long."

“Well,” Jerry said after thinking for a few moments, “I try to treat her nice, buy her presents, take her on trips & best of all, for our 25th anniversary I took her to the Bahamas.” 

“Well that’s really beautiful & a true inspiration for all of us,” the lady said.  “Maybe you can tell us what you are going to do for your 50th anniversary” she said with a smile.  

“Well,” Jerry said, “I’m thinking of going back to the Bahamas to pick her up.”
------------------------------------------
A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."


The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl says, "Glad Ass--Happy Butt--what's the difference?"

-------------------------------------------
Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Max Kauffman
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married & by then it was too late.

Unknown
Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
  
Kin Hubbard
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Clare Boothe Luce
Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.

Rodney Dangerfield
My wife & I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!

  Oscar Wilde
A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.

Oscar Wilde
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being?
------------------------------------------------

When I was in grade school, they told me to write down what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down “happy”.
They told me I didn't understand the assignment,
I told them they didn't understand life.















People say money is not the key to happiness; but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made----fishducky