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Monday, November 24, 2014

KISSED BY A PENGUIN



(For Juli--a reworked post from 2012.)

If you love animals as much as I do, put a trip to the Galapagos Islands on your bucket list! We've traveled to a lot of places & had some wonderful vacations, but this was the absolute best.

The Galapagos Islands are off the coast of Ecuador.  We took a plane from California to Florida, then another plane from Florida to Ecuador.  From there we were shuttled to the islands in a small boat, disembarked & boarded our cruise ship.  It took a long time to get there, but it was well worth it.  These islands are where Charles Darwin studied the animals & developed his theory on the evolution of man.  Whether or not you subscribe to his theory, these islands are a MUST SEE!
  
It is illegal to kill, bother or even touch the animals so they have never developed a fear of man.  When our shuttle boat brought us to the pier, there were seals sprawled out on the steps.  They’d occasionally look up at you, but they lay there like giant blobs.  You had to carefully step over them.  After all, it’s their island, not yours—you’re just a visitor.  When you take this trip I recommend that you use a small cruise ship.  We used Lindblad Lines, which were great.  There were about 60 passengers.  A small ship like ours could go places that the larger ones couldn’t get into.  We “parked”, at one time, in the caldera of an extinct volcano. (A caldera is the depression that’s formed when a volcano collapses into itself. Nature then fills it with water.)  I loved when we crossed the equator.  They told us that we could tell when we were crossing because we would feel a small bump.  I think some people actually thought they felt that bump.

We traveled to each of the islands by a zodiac; a small power boat that held about 15 people.  Our guides (college students who were studying the islands) took us on walking tours.  We saw marine iguanas, Galapagos penguins (only 16-18” tall), beautiful red & yellow “Sally Lightfoot” crabs (named that because people thought  their color & movements looked like a cabaret dancer), seals (including lots of babies), giant tortoises (who can weigh 500 pounds & live over 150 years) & MANY other animals, some of which are found nowhere else on earth.  You had to step over or around these animals, too.  There were birds everywhere—some of them quite odd.  We saw red footed boobies & blue footed boobies.  We saw frigate birds puffing up their red neck sac to attract a mate.  You’ve heard the term, “a feast for the senses”—THIS WAS IT!!

On one island, my husband decided he didn’t feel like walking.  Instead, he said he would just sit on a large rock on the beach, wait for us & enjoy the beautiful sunshine.  He was just about to sit when the rock moved!  The “rock” was a large seal that turned his head to see who was sitting on him, not that the seal really cared!

We went snorkeling in wonderfully clear waters (there were also beautiful fish) & one woman had a penguin come right up to her, face to face, & touch (kiss?) her mask with his beak!  She told us a seal had a “kissed” her at the pier, too.

My husband originally wasn’t excited about going—he went because he knew I had always wanted to go.  He now agrees—THIS WAS OUR BEST TRIP EVER!!


This is the mating dance of the blue footed booby.
The male (who is smaller) also offers the female a stick.
If she accepts it, they are married:


Unfortunately I can't find the pictures I took 
with the exception of me & Bud on the zodiac below.  
The rest of the photos I found online.

There are hundreds of sea lions:

Who sleep wherever they want:

With no fear of man:

The tortoises are huge:

But the penguins are tiny:

There are "Sally Lightfoot" crabs:

Marine iguanas:

Beautiful fish:

And hammerhead sharks:

This frigate bird really wants a mate:

A red footed booby:

But the blue footed booby is my favorite 
of all the animals & birds we saw:

That's the end of today's nature tour.
How about some cartoons:







My husband has taken me around the world, but I always found my way home!----fishducky

 





















Friday, November 21, 2014

BE KIND TO STRANGERS



I can’t remember if I’ve told you this story before, but I can’t find it in my records.  My mind is usually like a steel trap.  I can remember every single thing!!  Why, just the other day…who’s calling, please?

Anyway, my friend was throwing a cocktail party in her apartment.  She finished preparing her platters & set them on the kitchen counter under the window.  Her guests were due in just under an hour.  Pleased to have everything done so early, she took a leisurely shower.  She got dressed, put on her makeup & returned to the kitchen.  It had started raining hard while she was showering & the window above the food was open.  The rain was coming through the dirty window screen & coating the food below.  She climbed on the counter to close the window.  She slipped on the wet, dirty counter, fell on the food & landed on the floor with a sore ankle!!

The phone rang & she limped over to answer it.  She cried & complained at length to the caller about her guest’s imminent arrival, the ruined food, her now dirty clothes & her sore ankle..  The caller responded with short, sympathetic comments & let her continue ranting & raving.  After several minutes, she realized she didn’t know who she was talking to.  After checking, it turned out to be a wrong number.  She asked the man why he had continued to listen to her complain when he didn’t even know her.  He said that she obviously was having such a bad night, he didn’t have the heart to interrupt!!
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A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt Vaseline, would you tell anyone?"  "Hell no!" the guy said.  The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"  The man said, "Of course not."  The stranger asked, "Wanna go camping?"
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The next time you’re in an elevator with half a dozen strangers, turn & say, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called this meeting!!”----fishducky


 






Wednesday, November 19, 2014

FLY ME TO THE MOON




(Mostly, but not all, stuff from old posts.)


All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

2. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

3. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. Whoa!"

4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

5. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

aJokeADay.com

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor! Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers: 



(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: "The autopilot doesn't." 
S: "IT DOES NOW." 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Courtesy Qantas

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray up, Bitch."
humour.200ok.com


Early in Bud's law practice, he had to go to a small town about 100 miles outside of Kansas City, Kansas, for a client.  He flew into Kansas City & then had to rent a small plane to go the rest of the way, which, shall we say, did not thrill him.  He called a charter service & was told they had three planes that he could choose from.  They said they had a single engine plane which could hold five passengers.  They also had two two engine planes, one of which carried seven passengers & the other nine.  He said he'd take the biggest one.  The clerk said, "Fine" & asked him how many people would be flying.  Bud told him "One."  He was told that would be a waste of money for one person & asked why he wanted the largest plane.  My husband, who is nothing if not logical, asked, "I assume the biggest plane is the most expensive, right?"  He was told it was.  He continued, "Then I also assume your best & most experienced pilot will be flying it, right?"  Right again. That's the one he took!!
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When I was in high school I took an aeronautics class to satisfy a science requirement.  I loved the class & not just because I was the only girl.  The teacher used to greet the class every morning by saying, "Good morning, boys & girl!!"


                                            An oldie (but very goody) for you:

The Monty Python Flying Sheep sketch:



My favorite note from a child:

A bunch of new cartoons:










I’ve already traveled all over the world; next year I’m going someplace else----fishducky