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Friday, November 16, 2018

THE POT CALLING THE FISHDUCKY BLACK



Many years ago, I was very curious about pot.  I had kids, but I didn't want to ask them for it, not that my kids would ever use it!!  I called my niece in San Francisco & asked if she could help me. She invited me up for the weekend & said she would be my supplier.  Delicate thing that I am, her boyfriend had to cut the filter tips off of my regular (legal) cigarettes & attach them to the joint.  My niece, her boyfriend & I were peacefully smoking some pot & talking when I suddenly realized something strange; I couldn't remember what had been said the last couple of seconds!!  It would come to me, but I had to wait for it.  It made for a very odd (& slow) conversation. I never tried it again.  I've since had no desire to try any other mind altering drugs, except alcohol.  I do like me some margaritas and/or wine!!


One more fishducky smoking fact: My ears were constantly popping (like when you’re on a plane, but I wasn’t on a plane) so I went to see an ENT.   He said my Eustachian tubes were blocked, cleaned them out & inserted some tubing to keep them open for a while.  He asked me if I smoked & I told him I did.  He said that he had another patient with the same condition.  The doctor said that it wasn’t a good idea, but that the guy won bar bets because of his ear problem.  You’ve heard the expression, “Blow it out your ear”?  Well, he--& I--could!  With our tubes, we just had to inhale some smoke, close our mouth, pinch our nose shut & blow.  Smoke would come out of our ears!  I only tried it once or twice--I had to show Bud (& myself) I could really do it.

The history of marijuana (According to quora.com.):


Once upon a time there was a band of cave dudes and dudettes just wandering around looking for stuff to eat (this was before convenience stores were invented). They decided to stop for the night beside a nice river because there were some tasty crawdads in the shallow water, easy to catch, you know.
Well, after they ate their fill of the little crustaceans they settled down to rest. One of the cave dudes had eaten a bunch of habañero peppers that morning for breakfast and had a bit of an upset stomach. He got up and tiptoed away from the group (up wind - he was a bit of an ass and wanted to share with the rest) pulled down his loin cloth and deposited what was left of the peppers into a patch of some very nice plants with long, sticky buds hanging all around.
Well, it turns out that the pepper poop wasn’t finished working. It laid there generating more and more heat until the patch of plants burst into flames. The slight breeze propelled the smoke toward and through the campsite and, before they could get good and awake, all the cave folks got a potent dose of the smoke. Instead of running away, screaming like little girls, which is usually what they did when they saw fire, they just sat there breathing deeply and smiling.
One of the smarter cave dudes put 1 and 1 together and got 3 (arithmetic is hard when you’re stoned!). But he realized the value of what they had discovered so he invented rolling papers and plastic sandwich bags and got filthy rich selling the pot (that’s what they ended up calling it because that’s what Mr. Pepper Butt should have been sitting on instead of crapping in the weed (pun intended)). They already had on smelly clothes and their hair was long so this was the first generation of hippies.
























----fishducky


 


Wednesday, November 14, 2018

TIRED OF YOUR BORING JOB? YOU MAY WANT TO TRY ONE OF THESE




(Thanks to twentytwowords.com, theclever.com, gobankingrates.com, & businessinsider.com)


One of the most common questions is, “So, what do you do?” Most of us have a standard answer about our profession, but there are some people who have jobs that you might not even know existed.
It just goes to show that you can make a living doing something bizarre & outside of the box that you might never have even heard of!!
Need proof? Ask a professional cheese listener or line stander.
BAD BREATH EVALUATOR

Bad breath is the ultimate turn-off for most people. And just because you are paid to be exposed to it on a daily basis, it doesn’t make it any better.

Being a breath odor evaluator means you would be working for a food or chemical company. The job involves sniffing people’s mouths before and after trying a new chewing gum or mouthwash product. To make it even more “fun,” sometimes testers are required to consume garlic or coffee before the smell test.
To qualify for such a stinky job, you need a keen sense of smell & probably a very strong
stomach.

SUBWAY PUSHER


 This job originates in New York, where they were also called “sardine packers,” but is currently more common in Japan. It’s almost hard to believe that in a country so civilized & so technologically advanced, people get shoved & pushed into subways & travel in uncomfortable conditions.

In Tokyo, 8.7 million people take the subway every day & even though there are about 24 trains per hour going in one direction, it still gets very overcrowded, especially during rush hour. Introduce “oshiya” or “pushers,” whose job is to cram as many people as possible in every train. People are squished so tightly against each other, that they can’t move or even breathe properly.

CHEESE LISTENER

A good cheese, like the famous Parmigiano Reggiano, takes more skills than one might think. Taste and smell are not the only decisive factors when it comes to assessing the quality of cheese. When it comes to Parmesan, you also need to have a good ear.

A Parmesan listener hits the head of the cheese with a special hammer to figure out whether the head meets the standard. Certain sounds let the specialist know about possible cracks and voids inside the cheese wheel. So next time you enjoy a nice piece of Parmesan cheese you can thank the Parmesan listener for doing his job right.

CERTIFIED ETHICAL HACKER

Certified Ethical Hacker

Average pay: $71,331
The technology and cyber security industry is full of good paying jobs, but a certified ethical hacker is undoubtedly one of the most important positions — and you likely haven’t heard of it since these hackers work undetected.
Also known as penetration testers, these professionals are needed in every industry. They are paid to intentionally hack computers and systems to find areas of weakness.

PROFESSIONAL LINE STANDERS
 Professional line standers do one thing most of us have no patience for: wait in line. These professionals are especially busy during big sales (think Black Friday) and product launches (new iPhone releases, for example). Rates vary, but one professional line-stander told Business Insider he earns up to $1,000 a week.


DOG FOOD TASTER

Human dog food tasters are hired by pet food companies to test the quality of their products. They also evaluate the nutritional value and usually spit out the food once they taste it.
(Ed. note: The father of one of my son's friends opened & ate 
some dog biscuits while his wife was out.  
He was colorblind & didn't read the box  
They looked like some regular kind of cookies.
He said they were OK, but kind of dry.)


PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER

Professional cuddlers charge up to $80 an hour to snuggle with strangers. The downside: This work comes with its share of emotional burdens, says Portland-based cuddler Samantha Hess.


SNAKE MILKER

Snake milkers extract venom from some of the world's most dangerous snakes, like rattlesnakes and cobras. The extracted venom is often used to create antivenom for hospital or laboratory use, and can be sold for up to $1,000 per gram.


ODOR JUDGE

Odor judges perform odor tests to rate the effectiveness of hygiene products like soaps and bodywashes, deodorant, and mouthwashes. Depending on what products are being studied, judges smell subjects' armpits, feet, or breath and rate their odors on a scale of one to 10.

During one odor tester's 15-year career she sniffed approximately 5,600 feet and an indeterminate number of armpits, for which she won the Guinness World Record for most feet and armpits sniffed.


RENT-A-MOURNER


Professional mourners attend funerals and grieve for the deceased. A company in England called Rent A Mourner specializes in the industry, offering mourners for your loved ones for two hours for roughly $70.


ICEBERG RELOCATORS

Iceberg mover became a profession after the sinking of the Titanic.
The International Ice Patrol (IIP), which was founded a year later, is operated by the US Coast Guard. It tracks the location of icebergs and provides safe routes around them. If necessary, the iceberg will be towed out of the area.
--------------------------------------

TOP SIGNS YOU'RE BORED AT WORK
 
- You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for the year.

- You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.

- You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.

- You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the 
inevitable explosion occurs.

- People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.

- No longer content with merely photocopying your rear, you now scan and 
enhance it with Photoshop.

- You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.

- The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.
(jokaaday.com)






















 






















Monday, November 12, 2018

THE DISTURBING AND GORY ORIGINS OF SOME BELOVED FAIRY TALES (& MY LIGHTENED UP VERSIONS)




(Versions other than mine I found on curiosity.com, written by Stephanie Bucklin.) 
Stephanie
Sure, Disney movies are full of cute talking animals, upbeat songs, & happily-ever-afters. But it's no secret that the fairy tales they're based on are often much darker, more violent, & more sinister. If you want to know what really happened in the original stories, I've got you covered.

CINDERELLA

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm published their Cinderella tale in the 1800's. The Disney version of that fairy tale features a poor, beautiful young girl forced to serve her evil stepmother and two stepsisters. When a fairy godmother gives her a chance to attend the prince's ball, Cinderella makes a connection with the handsome prince. And since Cinderella accidentally left behind a glass slipper, the prince is able to test the shoe out on every woman in the kingdom until he finds that Cinderella is indeed his tiny-footed love connection.

In the Grimm brothers' version, things go a little differently: One of the stepsisters, unable to fit her foot in the glass slipper, cuts part of her heel right off. The other cuts off her big toe to make her foot fit, since "when you are queen you will no longer have to go on foot," Mommy dearest tells her. The bloody slippers give them away, & the prince then finds that Cinderella's foot is a perfect fit.

My Version:


Cinderella lived with her evil stepmother & two evil stepsisters.  She couldn’t go to the royal ball with them because she had no fancy clothes.  Her fairy godmother made her a ballgown & some glass slippers.  The slippers hurt her corns & she couldn’t wear them.  There was no way she could go to the dance barefoot, so she just stayed home.






SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS

In the Disney version, the princess Snow White flees her evil stepmother (sense a pattern?) & takes refuge in the home of seven dwarfs. These dwarfs protect Snow White & sing a few jaunty songs before the princess eats a poisoned apple, given to her by the evil queen. She's revived by a handsome prince, & they live happily ever after.
In the Grimm brothers' version, the huntsman who was supposed to kill Snow White kills a bear instead, & brings back its lungs & liver for the evil queen to eat — which she does, believing that she is feasting on Snow White's innards, & at the very end, the evil queen attends Snow White's wedding, where she is forced to put on iron-hot shoes & dance until she drops dead.

My version:


While wandering through the woods, a nubile young thing came across the house where seven dwarfs lived.  She asked them if she could stay if she cleaned the house, cooked & performed other services for them.  She serviced them all & to this day, Grumpy is no longer grumpy!!


BEAUTY & THE BEAST

In the Disney film, a very beautiful Belle rushes to save her father & is imprisoned in his stead by the very ugly Beast. After a little dancing & a pinch of Stockholm Syndrome, she falls in love, & the Beast's curse is broken, revealing the handsome prince that he was all along.
In Jeanne-Marie LePrince de Beaumont's version, Belle has a couple of ungrateful sisters, Gaston is nowhere to be found, and the Beast goes to melodramatically starve himself in his garden when he thinks Belle doesn't love him — though just as in the movie, he transforms into a prince a& all is well in the end.

My version:


One day a man became lost in a forest.  Seeking shelter, he came upon a dazzling palace & he entered & went to sleep.  The next morning as he was about to leave, he saw a rose garden & remembered that his daughter Belle had asked for a rose.  After picking the loveliest one he could find, the nerd was confronted by a hideous beast.  The beast told him that for taking the rose, he must die. The man begged to be set free, or at least to get a jury trial, arguing that even though roses were expensive, that price seemed way too high.   The beast agreed to let him give the rose to Belle, but only if the man would bring her back for a visit.   When they returned, the beast welcomed her & told her that if she stayed she would be mistress of the castle, & he would be her servant.  She decided he was too ugly for her, married Brad Pitt & adopted 37 children.






































AND A POEM :

JACK AND JILL

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They each had a buck and a quarter.
They both fell down,
And I don’t know what happened,
But Jill came home with $2.50.



Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing----Conan O'Brien (& fishducky)