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Wednesday, June 20, 2018

FAIRY TALES IN 50 WORDS OR LESS (VOLUME 1) or SHORT ARTICLES FROM THE ONCEUPONA TIMES (THANKS, VAL)







(Reworked from a 2/2015 post.)


SLEEPING BEAUTY

Once upon a time a beautiful young girl took a bite out of an apple that had a curse on it.  She could only be awakened by the kiss of her true love.  She had been asleep for years &, of course, hadn't brushed her teeth.  Prince Charming bent over to kiss her, got a whiff of her breath & left.  She’s still asleep!!


SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS

While wandering through the woods, a nubile young thing came across the house where seven dwarfs lived.  She asked them if she could stay if she cleaned the house, cooked & performed other services for them.  She serviced them all & to this day, Grumpy is no longer grumpy!!




CHICKEN LITTLE

Something hit Chicken Little in the head, so she assumed the sky was falling.  She warned Ducky Lucky, Goosey Lucy & all her other friends.  On their way to tell the king the sky finished falling & killed them all!!




HUMPTY DUMPTY

A hard boiled egg was sitting on a wall & rolled off.  His shell cracked but the rest of him was still edible.  He was chopped, mixed with mayonnaise & celery & made into a delicious egg salad.




HANSEL & GRETEL

A brother & sister were walking & found a witch’s house, which was made of candy.  They ate the porch & then reported her to the building department, which made her tear it down because it wasn’t up to code.


RAPUNZEL

A lovely girl with unbelievably long hair was imprisoned in a doorless tower.  The only way someone could visit was to have her drop her hair out the window & then climb up it.  A handsome prince did that & they fell in love.  When he came back, he asked her to let her hair down so he could climb again.  She said she couldn’t because she hadn’t been able to resist the discount she was offered on a postcard from Super Cuts.  That was several years ago & her hair only now reaches her shoulders.


THE UGLY DUCKLING

One day a mother duck laid a whole bunch of eggs.  When they hatched, they were all adorable except one.  When his brothers & sisters made fun of him & called him ugly because of his long neck, he told them he was a swan & would be handsome as an adult.  When he grew up, he eventually realized he was just an ugly duck with a long neck.



THE GINGERBREAD MAN

A crazy cookie was running through the streets yelling, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can.  You can't catch me--I'm the Gingerbread Man!!"  He was wrong--& delicious!!



JACK & THE BEANSTALK

Jack, one child of a large family, took a cow into town to sell it to buy food for his many sisters & brothers.  Instead, he traded it for some magic beans which his mother angrily threw out. The next day he climbed a beanstalk which had magically grown overnight.  He encountered a giant who ate him.  Fortunately, with him gone, his mother could afford to feed the remaining children.



GOLDILOCKS

A blonde broke into the home of three bears & ate their porridge.  She then took a nap in one of their three beds.  The bears came home & found her sleeping.  They immediately called the police, who arrested her.  She had a jury trial, was found guilty of criminal trespass & is now serving 10 to 20 years in the state prison. 




































AND A POEM :

JACK AND JILL

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They each had a buck and a quarter.
They both fell down,
And I don’t know what happened,
But Jill came home with $2.50.



Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing----Conan O'Brien (& fishducky)


 


Monday, June 18, 2018

A LATE FATHER'S DAY TRIBUTE TO MY LATE FATHER




(Reworked from a 6/2016 post.)


My dad’s given name was Angel Kiewitsky.  He always went by the name Archie Keyes.  When I was starting college he decided to have it changed legally.  Off went our family to the courthouse.  As I recall, almost the entire conversation between the judge & my father went like this: Judge: “Your name is Angel Kiewitsky?”  AK: “Yes, your Honor.”  Judge: “And you want it changed to Archie Keyes?”  AK: “Yes, sir.”  Judge: “I don’t blame you.  Granted!!"

You may not consider him handsome.  A childhood bout of polio had slightly distorted the right side of his face.  Our kids thought he looked a little like Popeye, but his heart was beautiful & to me he looked like Sir Galahad.


He was the nicest person you could ever meet.  He would do anything for anybody.  He lived in L.A., but if someone asked him for a ride home (to New Mexico or Kansas) I have no doubt he would’ve said yes.  If his doctor told him he’d have to amputate his head, Daddy would probably have asked, “When would that be convenient for you?”  

He loved to tell jokes & stories.  When he wanted to tell you about a movie he’d seen, you learned to get comfortable.  If it was an MGM film, he’d start with, “First the lion came out & roared.” 

At the time of their marriage my mother's family didn't approve because they felt she was robbing the cradle.  She was 22 & he was 20 the day before the wedding.  One of my aunts showed up in black, as if she were in mourning.  Several others didn't come at all.  Nice guy Archie soon won them all over & became one of the (if not the) family favorites.

As a father, he was extremely gentle.  My mother would spank me when I misbehaved & I didn’t really care.  He would just have to look at me & say, “I’m very disappointed in you” & I would break into tears.  I only recall him yelling at me one time, but to be fair he feared for his life.  He was teaching me to drive & I apparently came a little closer than he thought I should to a parked car.  He slid down in the passenger’s seat, threw out his arms as if he were crucified & yelled, “What in the hell do you think you are doing?”  Bud took over my lessons from that point on.

I'll admit he was not too much of a handyman.  He once was attempting to paint a wall.  He stepped back to admire check his work & found his foot in the paint roller tray--twice!! 

He never had a fancy job, but he always supported his family.  For most of his life he drove a delivery truck for a wholesale meat company.  He delivered to many Hollywood restaurants & the chefs loved him.  Quite often they served him gourmet meals in the kitchen--free!!  At home, one of his favorite things to eat was cake, which he considered a device for holding frosting.

Since we didn't have a lot of money & Daddy didn't mind driving we usually drove to national parks on vacation.  I remember my brother trying to spit a mile--from the rim of the Grand Canyon to the bottom.  My dad was a gamblin' man so we often took weekend drives to Las Vegas.  (He never bet grocery or rent money & couldn't understand people who did.  He also had a problem with people who complained about losing.  He felt that you willingly paid money to see a movie or a play or when you rent something & that gambling was essentially no different.)  It was about a 5 to 6 hour drive & our car had no air-conditioning so we'd leave around midnight to escape the heat of the day.  When my dad was shooting craps, you could almost use him as a clock; or more specifically, as a sundial.  At 9:00 pm, he would be standing erect at the table.  As the evening wore on he would start to bend at the waist.  Lower & lower he would go as the hours passed.  Around midnight his top was at about a 30° angle to his legs.  By 4:00 am, the angle was about 60°.  That’s when we would get him & take him to our room. 

My parents were married over 50 years.  They were married on August 23rd.  There were times when he really couldn’t afford it, but on the 23rd of every month, my dad gave my mom a dozen yellow roses, which signify joy & happiness.  He said their entire married life was like a honeymoon.  When she died, he had a blanket of yellow roses placed over her coffin.  Later, when he passed away, we had his coffin covered with yellow roses, too.  It seemed appropriate.  I hope all of you are as happy together as they were.

I remember him singing this song to her:



After their wives passed away, my father & father-in-law spent a lot of time together.  They would go & play cards in Gardena, with my dad driving, of course.  One time they went to see their grandson, Matt, who was going to college in San Francisco.  They stayed in his apartment.  Matt said he really enjoyed their visit but for some reason he refused to explain he referred to them as the “Odd Couple.”

Daddy was raised to believe that a man should always take care of his family's needs.  He continued to pay life insurance premiums after my mom died, but he made me the beneficiary. When I discovered this I told him that I appreciated it but I didn't need his money & that it would make me happier if he could enjoy it himself--he should just piss it away!!  It took a lot of convincing to get him to do it.

I used to host a yoga retreat at the beach every summer.  One year I was going to cancel because my dad was in the hospital, about an hour & a half away from the beach.  He had been diagnosed with brain cancer.  Although he walked into the hospital under his own power less than a week before, he was now unable to speak.  The doctors told us that he would likely not recover, but he could stay like that for a long time.  I wanted to be able to get to the hospital quickly if it became necessary.  Bud said I needed the mental relaxation yoga would bring & convinced me to go.  After the exercises, our instructor would have us clear our minds & totally relax.  I swear I had an out of body experience.  I found myself in his hospital room.  He sat up & very sternly said, “What are you doing here?  You need to be at yoga--you worry too much.  I’ll be fine!”  I learned later that that was about the time he died.  Since Daddy almost never wore a suit (& the only time he ever wore a tuxedo was when we took him on a cruise to Alaska with the rest of our family) we buried him in a polo shirt so he would be comfortable--& so that God would recognize him.















still miss you, Daddy----fishducky

 



 

Friday, June 15, 2018

SOMETIMES ARCHITECTS USE NATURE FOR THEIR INSPIRATION




Here are some examples from natgeo.com:


PHOTOGRAPH BY XIAOYANG LIU, GETTY IMAGES

BEIJING NATIONAL STADIUM: BEIJING Designed by Swiss architecture firm Herzog & de Meuron for the 2008 Olympic Games, the locals nicknamed this stadium the “Bird’s Nest” before it was even completed. The bowl-shaped interior, roof, and staircases are integrated into the structure’s spatial grid-like formation, fashioned by overlapping steel trusses. The spaces between them are filled with a translucent membrane, just as birds stuff the empty spaces in their nests with materials. The stadium accommodates concerts and other special events, and will once again host the winter Olympics in 2022.

PHOTOGRAPH BY GETTY IMAGES

LOTUS TEMPLE: NEW DELHI According to Bahá'í scripture, all the religion’s houses of worship must include a nine-sided circular shape. All the others have achieved this with a dome, but this temple in the village of Bahapur in New Delhi looks quite different. Inspired by the shape of the lotus flower, architect Fariborz Sahba conceived of 27 freestanding marble "petals" arranged in groups of three to form nine sides. These materials come from Penteli mountain in Greece, the same source for the 


Here are some examples from natgeo.com:

PHOTOGRAPH BY XIAOYANG LIU, GETTY IMAGES

BEIJING NATIONAL STADIUM: BEIJING Designed by Swiss architecture firm Herzog & de Meuron for the 2008 Olympic Games, the locals nicknamed this  Parthenon in Athens. The temple’s nine doors officially opened to the public in 1986, and the central hall can accommodate up to 2,500 worshippers.

PHOTOGRAPH BY YANN ARTHUS-BERTRAND, GETTY IMAGES

ATOMIUM: BRUSSELS Originally constructed for the 1958 World’s Fair, or Expo 58, this quirky building features nine interconnected spheres measuring 335-feet high. Engineer André Waterkeyn and architects André and Jean Polak modeled it after an iron crystal enlarged 165 billion times to represent faith in scientific progress. Today the interior is home to a museum and several temporary exhibits. Although it’s located in the northern Heysel neighborhood outside of the center, its shiny, stainless steel exterior remains visible from several different viewing points around the Belgian capital.

PHOTOGRAPH BY TUUL & BRUNO MORANDI, GETTY IMAGES

HELIX BRIDGE: SINGAPORE An international team, assembled from Architects 61 in Singapore and Australia-based Cox Architecture and Arup, designed this footbridge stretching over Marina Bay, linking the famous hotel and shopping center with the ArtScience Museum and Gardens by the Bay. The inspiration comes from the double helix structure of a DNA molecule—tubular, stainless-steel struts connect the two different spirals to the bridge’s deck. Opened in 2010, the 919-foot long curved structure has five viewing platforms, giving pedestrians spectacular views of the skyline from across the waterfront.

PHOTOGRAPH BY GETTY IMAGES

SAGRADA FAMILIA: BARCELONA While Antoni Gaudi was motivated by his faith, nature inspired the design of this unfinished Roman Catholic church, which depicts the relationship between humanity, nature, and religion. Although the famous modernist architect took over the project in 1883, the central nave wasn’t completed until 2000. It’s modeled after tree trunks and their branching canopies, which support the 150-foot tall vault. Those who enter feel as though they’re walking into an enormous forest—just as Gaudi intended.

PHOTOGRAPH BY IAIN MASTERTON, GETTY IMAGES

ALDAR HEADQUARTERS: ABU DHABI This circular skyscraper has glittered against the seafront desert landscape of Abu Dhabi since 2010. In tribute to the city’s maritime heritage, Marwan Zgheib and his Lebanon-based firm MZ Architects were inspired by the clam shell. They developed a diagrid (a diamond-shaped framework of diagonally intersecting steel ribs) to create the building’s striking curved glass skin. Standing at 360 feet (23 stories tall) on an elevated peninsula, the building boasts both city and waterfront views.

PHOTOGRAPH BY FRANK HEUER, LAIF/REDUX

TAIPEI 101: TAIPEI Standing at 1,671 feet tall, this 101-story skyscraper was the tallest building in the world when it opened in Taipei's modern Xinyi District in 2004. Renowned architect C.Y. Lee modeled it after a bamboo stalk, and its repetitive sections are full of symbolism. There are a total of eight segments comprised of eight floors each—a lucky number in Chinese culture. They mimic both the segments of the plant as well as Asian pagodas, while tinted green glass walls add the finishing touch.

PHOTOGRAPH BY BRIAN GEORGE, ALAMY STOCK PHOTO
THE CUBE HOUSES: ROTTERDAM Despite all the hard angles and straight lines, architect Piet Blom actually took inspiration from a forest of trees when designing these Dutch houses back in 1977. Each bright yellow cube is tilted on its side by 45 degrees and anchored to a hexagon-shaped pylon, representing a tree. The entrance to each three-level house lies inside the concrete “trunk” that contains a staircase. Although the cubes still function as private homes, there are options for curious travelers to tour their slanted interiors.


 Does this give you a headache,too?










Password protected by my own short term memory----fishducky