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Monday, May 30, 2016

SOMETHING MAY HAVE GONE WRONG HERE, BUT I CAN'T QUITE PUT MY FINGER ON IT



I'm reminded of the movie "Westworld" where a robot says, "Nothing can possibly go wrong-- go wrong-- go wrong…"

Pride comes before a fall. And every now and then, pride also comes before accidentally setting your kids on fire.  My son, Blake, was about 8 years old.  The kids were in their pajamas at the kitchen table.  I had left my cigarettes & lighter on the table.  Blake started playing with my lighter, which both scared & annoyed me.  I grabbed the lighter & we started arguing. He stood there with his arms straight out, as if he were ready for crucifixion.  He was wearing an old terry cloth robe, with its strings hanging down.  I was making a point about the lighter being dangerous & was stupidly waving it (lit) under his arms.  I swear it was at least a foot away, when the threads hanging under his arms caught fire!!  We were able to get the robe off & the fire put out with absolutely no harm to him or anyone else; but I guess I made my point.

Something apparently went wrong in these pictures, too.
See if you can figure out what it was:











 








 (Pictures from BuzzFeed & Giphy. com.)








 


 







Friday, May 27, 2016

A LITTLE SONG, A LITTLE DANCE, A LITTLE SELTZER DOWN YOUR PANTS*


* From the Mary Tyler Moore episode, "Chuckles' Funeral".

I don't come from a musical family.  I had a very limited musical education.  I can't carry a tune. We used to beg my mother not to sing. My brother wrote this song when Cinderella was released: "Cinderelly, Cinderelly, Comb your hair and wash your belly!!"


Trying to further my children's love of music, we gave Nameless piano lessons as a child.  To help her learn to read music, we wrote a song together, which she transcribed.  Here it is, in its entirety.  Sing it to any melody you want.  “If I were an elephant & you were a canary; if I stepped on you, you wouldn’t like it!!”

I only listen to the finest music.
This should not come as a surprise,
since this is one of the songs I heard as a child:

This was popular when I was a teenager:

Nameless learned this in elementary school:


Our kids learned these as scouts:

This is sung to the tune of
"I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover":


This was one of Bud's favorites:

This is one of my all time favorite dance numbers:

A husband takes his wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty five years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." 

Husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"

------------------------------
My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. 

"Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." 

"How come?" I asked. 

"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."

















I like opera, but they get pissed when you sing along----fishducky








Thursday, May 26, 2016

WATCH YOUR LOCO--I MEAN LOCAL NEWS




As I've previously mentioned, here in the L.A. area female weather reporters on the local stations are getting sexier.  They are certainly dressing sexier.  My husband & I now refer to them as the “Weather Sluts”.   BuzzFeed offers you these other reasons you should watch the local news more often:

1. They make the best puns.

2. They have the most accurate meteorologists.

3. You never know what specialists they’ll interview.

4. They give important traffic updates.

5. They let you know what’s going on with the members of the community.

6. They ask the important questions.

7. They let you know when you should avoid shit.

8. They don’t use spellcheck.

9. They give you the important breaking news.

10. They’re really out there in the field.

11. They have the most in-depth investigative reporting.
shortwavetransmissions.tumblr.com
12. They find people with relatable career paths.

13. They show you the REAL Tinder.

14. They bring us people like Jimmy.

15. And inform us of important 911 calls.

16. They keep our minds sharp with trivia.

17. They get the exclusives.

18. They’re interactive.

19. They weave beautiful stories.

20. And they keep the neighborhood safe.

21. They keep you informed.

22. They’re inappropriate.

23. And kinky.

24. They let you know what’s going on in the world.

25. They tell you where to find great deals.

26. They’re always prepared.

27. And they have Barry freakin’ Burbank.
(All pictures except #11 courtesy i.imgur.com / Via reddit.com)
A funny routine from 1971:





























What state do you live in?  Mine is usually denial----fishducky