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Friday, December 19, 2014

HOW TO WRITE






I'm confused profused confused.  Can you be quettish all by yourself or do you have to be coquettish? If you can deplane or detrain, why can't you decopter or deship? If you don't really care any more, will you argue lentlessly? If you follow all the rules of good behavior, are you corrigible? If there are only two of you in the world, wouldn't you be bique instead of uni? If you enroll in a class & then leave, why haven't you exrolled? If a truce is called to a conflict, are the parties now merely flicted? If you're not inane, inept or decrepit, why aren't you ane, ept or crepit? If something makes sense, is it a sequiter? Why do "flammable" & "inflammable" & "ravel" & "unravel" mean the same thing? Isn't that a waste of words? If you think about something & then decide it's correct, haven't you come to a proclusion instead of a con?  And I didn’t even get to the suffixes!!  Don't worry if you can't answer these questions. We can't ALL be brilliant!!

A hungry African lion came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

How to Write Good

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agrees with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.


Thirty nine. Be consistent.

40. Last but not least, avoid clich├ęs like the plague; they're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
villanova.edu

Click here for a fun article, "How to Write a Sentence."





















The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with----fishducky


 



Wednesday, December 17, 2014

RULES FOR GOOD HOUSEKEEPING




      My house is clean.  I have discovered an effortless way to keep it like that.  Her name is Olivia & she comes every Monday.  Even before we could afford her, my house appeared clean.  My mother did things differently than I do.  I have memories of a pile of newspapers on the dining room table.  She would pick them up, wax the table & put the papers back on it.  My method--throw out the papers & don't dust or wax.  I figure that if someone is going to do a white glove inspection of your home, the least you can do as a gracious hostess is to let them find dust!!

      My daughters-in-law share my way of thinking.  When my grandson was about to be born I flew to Connecticut to help out.  Linda had gone out & I was sitting & visiting with Matt & their little daughter.  I looked around at the mess & said to Matt, "I'm so glad that Linda feels comfortable enough around me that she didn't go crazy cleaning for my visit."  Matt laughed & said, "She did!!"  I bought her this sign which she proudly still keeps hanging in her kitchen:

I bought this sign for my other daughter-in law:

Nameless is nothing like me,
so this is her sign:

Here are 16 house cleaning tips which I've found to be helpful over the years:

       1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

2. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go!

3. The best mini-vacuum for an after meal clean-up is the dog.

4. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.

5. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

6. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke 
the vacuum cleaner.

7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

8. If guys were supposed to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

11. Simplify... hire a maid.

12: My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top 
bunk bed until I faint.

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

14. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

15. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.

16. If dusting is really out of control, simply place a showy urn on the 
coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..." 
       http://board.jokeroo.com

This "Baby Mop" is a real product:













Zsa Zsa Gabor claimed to be a marvelous housekeeper; every time she left a man, she kept his house.

Housecleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places----fishducky

 











Monday, December 15, 2014

SOME ODD PLACES (& SEVERAL PLACES SEEN ODDLY)




This is a map of an area in Hemet, CA.
There is also an street near the dump in Placerville, CA
called Throwita Way

Following are maps by judgmentalmaps.com.
They do not necessarily reflect my views.

The first is my city, Los Angeles, CA.
The circled area is where I live:

And others across our great country:








I wouldn't want to leave out our friends across the pond:









"I've learned this about myself; that beneath my superficial exterior breathes an inner spirit that just wants to party"----Robert Brault (& fishducky)