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Monday, April 27, 2015

THINGS I BET YOU NEVER KNEW (OR CARED ABOUT) PART 2


A sad note--a dear, sweet man passed away Wednesday.  He was Errol, our contractor, handyman & most of all, our very close friend.  He was a great cook & specialized in New Orleans style food, which he was kind enough to share with us.  We thawed out some of his marvelous gumbo for dinner in his honor.  You may be familiar with his wife's blogs. She is Inger & she posts at http://desertcanyonliving.blogspot.com.  She could use your support right now.  





(For Part 1, click here.)



If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

The official term for the pincer-like claw of a crab, lobster, or scorpion is a "chela."

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.  It is a pneumoconiosis caused by inhalation of very fine silicate or quartz dust.  The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural. 

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. 


Salvador Dali, eccentric painter, bought a large castle in Spain for his wife. In one of the rooms, there stood a rather ugly, old-fashioned radiator, so his wife asked him if he would paint a screen for it. He did. The screen depicted in realistic detail the radiator it was hiding.

The American League of Physical Culture, the first nudist organization in the United States, was founded on December 4, 1929.

The full name of the Barbie doll is Barbara Millicent Roberts.


Tuna swim at a steady rate of 9 miles per hour for an indefinite period of time - and they never stop moving. Estimates indicate that a 15-year-old tuna travels one million miles in its lifetime.


Snails produce a colorless, sticky discharge that forms a protective carpet under them as they travel along. The discharge is so effective that snails can crawl along the edge of a razor without cutting themselves.


Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer. 

Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean McBricker. 

The characters Bert & Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop & Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It’s A Wonderful Life." 

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of its mouth. Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again. 

A can of Diet Coke will float in water,  A can of regular Coke will sink.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. 

Sir Isaac Newton is credited with the invention of the pet door. Legend has it that while he was studying light & color prisms in his attic, his cat kept pushing the door open & ruining his experiments. In the name of science, he cut a small hole in the door & covered it with a flap of felt so she could come & go at will.

There’s a special penis sleeve built into space suits. NASA had to change the names of the sizes from small, medium, & large to large, gigantic, & humongous because astronauts kept only choosing large & the sleeves kept slipping off. 

OK, you knew all of those, but I bet you didn’t know:

How the Big Bird suit worked:

How ice cream cones are made:

How a beanstalk grows:

What actually happens when you put on sunscreen:

How camouflage gets on a helmet:

Why Michael Jackson was able to defy gravity:

What dogs do when they drink water:

How coins get sorted inside a machine:

The way braces change your teeth:

How a trumpet makes that beautiful music:

The way pretzels are tied en masse:

How filming with a green screen works:

 What actually happens when you put a key in a door:

How exactly all that stuff gets into a Pop-Tart:

What it looks like when you swallow:

How hay bales get wrapped:

How paper clips turn into paper clips:

 What it looks like in a stadium when everyone
throws toilet paper at the same time:

That when you pour soy sauce on a dead cuttlefish
it acts like a zombie:

And how terrifying the human face is when it’s forming in the womb:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/never-needed-to-know-until-today

But did you know this astounding medical science fact 
about the human body that will still baffle at least 10% of the population?




Oh, you knew all that?
Then never mind!!







 









Life is like shaving--no matter how well men do it today, they still have to do it again tomorrow----fishducky

 



Sunday, April 26, 2015

IN MEMORIUM

Errol Wiltz

September 25, 1946~April 22, 2015  


A sad note--a dear, sweet man passed away Wednesday.  He was Errol, our contractor, handyman & most of all, our very close friend.  He was a great cook & specialized in New Orleans style food, which he was kind enough to share with us.  We thawed out some of his marvelous gumbo for dinner in his honor.  

You may be familiar with his wife's blogs. She is Inger & she posts at http://desertcanyonliving.blogspot.com.  She could use your support right now.

----fishducky

Friday, April 24, 2015

AN ASSORTMENT OF FUNNY STUFF

My last post, FROM ARMADILLOS TO ZEDONKS--MY A TO Z CHALLENGE IN ONE DAY, was inadvertently published early, then late & in some cases, not at all.  If you missed it & would like to read it, click here. 

Thanks, River (driftingthroughlife.com)


"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." --Ralph Waldo Emerson 


If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. 

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde:  Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long & hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show.)

Q. Do female frogs croak? 
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. 

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? 
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. 

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. 
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. 

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? 
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. 

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. 

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? 
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. 

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. 

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. 

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet. 

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. "The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. "They are the testicles of the bull killed in the ring today," explained the waiter. The tourist gulped but tasted the dish anyway, and found it delicious. 

Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter: "Today's cojones are much saltier and smaller than the ones I had yesterday." "That may be, senor," agreed the waiter, "But the bull, he does not always lose."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd like to apologize in advance for this one:


A Scottish old timer is in a bar, talking to a young man.  The old man says: "Lad, look out there to the field.  Do ya see that fence?  Look how well it's built.  I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands.  I piled it for months.  But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder?  Nooo..."   

Then the old man gestured at the bar.  "Look here at the bar.  Do ya see how smooth and just it is?  I planed that surface down by me own achin' back.  I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."  

Then the old man points out the window.  "Hey, Laddy, look out to sea.  Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see?  I built that pier with the sweat off me back.  I nailed it board by board.  But do they call me McGreggor-the-Pier-Builder?  Nooo..."   

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one else is paying attention. He leans closer to the young man and says "But ya fuck one goat.......”

SOME GREAT VIDEOS:



                                        









According to a new report, there is a shrine in Japan solely dedicated to hemorrhoids.Seating is limited, but usually available----Seth Meyers (& fishducky)

 



Thursday, April 23, 2015

FROM ARMADILLOS TO ZEDONKS--MY A TO Z CHALLENGE IN ONE DAY

 

I don't feel like planning my life or my posts 27 days in advance so here is my A TO Z Challenge in one post.  The subject is animals I have seen, not seen or am!!

A IS FOR ARMADILLO
When Nameless 2 was learning her letters we were looking around the house for things that started with a, b, c, etc.  I asked her what started with r & 
she said armadillo.  She is very logical!!
This is our armadillo.
It is made of papier mache & lives in our living room.


B IS FOR BEAR
He, too, lives with us.
He is a 30" bear made of concrete that we bought years ago in Sedona.  
The artist made many animals, all with human-type facial expressions.  
You could look at a squirrel, for instance, 
& think your Uncle Joe smiled just like that.  
When our neighbor saw our bear, his comment was, 
"My God--that looks like someone who just farted in an elevator!"  
I agree.  
Do you?

C IS FOR CAT
Cats love to keep busy.

D IS FOR DOG
Dogs help humans in many ways.

E IS FOR ELEPHANT
Elephants are notoriously poor at sports.

F IS FOR FISHDUCKY
Fishduckies are almost extinct.
It is believed there is only one remaining & she is very old.
This is her & a stuffed animal she thinks is her child.


G IS FOR GOAT
Some goats do not play well with others.

H IS FOR HUMPBACK WHALE
This whale keeps showing up unexpectedly at both my home & my daughter's.
It was formerly known as "What Shark?"

I IS FOR IGUANA
You knew iguanas love the ocean but did you know they are great singers?

J IS FOR JAGUAR
Jaguars make excellent hood ornaments.

Apparently, they also play basketball.

K IS FOR KANGAROO
Kangaroos keep their young with them as long as possible.

L IS FOR LEOPARD

Here is a story about
HOW THE LEOPARD GOT ITS SPOTS (AND THE BABOON, ITS RED BUTT)

Many years ago the leopard was a solid creamy white, with no spots.  The baboon’s butt was the same color as the rest of its body.  Not so, today.  They were also very close companions.  Now, a leopard will try to eat any baboon he sees.  Let me tell you why, so this doesn’t happen between you and your friends.  (It is very bad manners to eat your friends!)

Lenny Leopard received a gift from across the sea for his birthday.  His aunt Lola in Wichita had FedExed him a set of oil paints.  He invited his best friend, Bobby Baboon, to come and paint with him and his brothers and cousins.  His brothers were Leon, Lionel, Lloyd and Lance.  His cousins were Luke, Larry, Leroy, Lester and Lyle, who you might remember was married for a short time to Julia Roberts, a jaguar.  (There are many laws of the jungle.  One of them is that an animal’s first name must start with the same first letter as its breed.  I have no idea why.)

None of them had ever seen oil paints—or paints of any kind before.  They were excited and couldn’t wait to play with them.  Aunt Lola, being senile, had neglected to send paper or empty canvases to paint on, so they started to paint each other, as boys of any breed tend to do.  Actually, Bobby started it by flicking paint all over the cubs, until they were covered with multicolored spots.  During the inevitable fight that followed, Bobby Baboon was pushed or fell (nobody will admit what really happened) into the bright red paint, landing on his seat

The cubs knew their moms would be very angry at them, but they had to go home and try to get the paint off.  After their mothers had finished roaring at them, they tried to wash off the spots.  This was oil paint and it had dried, and no matter how rough their mother’s tongues were, or how many Brillo Pads they used, they could not get it all off.  They were left with brown spots where the painted spots were.  One cub, who had always been a renegade, was completely covered in black paint and yet refused to let his mother try to clean him.  He eventually left his family and went off to the United States to form a new club called “The Black Panthers”.  Bobby’s butt stayed bright red because no one, not even his mother, would try to lick it off.

Mother Nature must have thought that either this was very funny, or that they looked better that way, because when they got older, all their children, their children’s children and even their children’s children’s children were born with brown spots.  What about Bobby Baboon’s descendants, you ask?  They all have bright red butts, but it turns out the lady baboons like them that way; the brighter, the better.  They think it’s sexy, which really makes the leopards angry!!


M IS FOR MONKEY
Monkeys are among the most musical of animals.
This drummer has started his own rock band.

N IS FOR NEWT
A newt is a colorful, sleepy-eyed lizard.

They have been known to serve in Congress.

O IS FOR OCTOPUS
Octopi are cephalopods, which are not prone to very many ailments.

P IS FOR PENGUIN
Penguins can be bullies, sometimes hitting or pushing one another for no reason.

Q IS FOR QUAIL
Quail are small delicious wild birds.


R IS FOR RABBIT
Some rabbits would like to be pro athletes but they tend to cheat.

S IS FOR SKUNK
Skunks are not allowed to smoke cigars in the house.

T IS FOR TURKEY
Be sure to prep your turkey before roasting.

U IS FOR UNICORN
This is why they are now extinct.

V IS FOR VULTURE
Vultures do not normally kill their own prey.

W IS FOR WALRUS
Some walruses are deep thinkers.

X IS FOR XIPHIAS (THE LATIN NAME FOR SWORDFISH)
It is difficult for swordfish to be romantic.

Y IS FOR YAK
Yaks are similar to buffalo, but they talk a lot more.

Z IS FOR ZEDONK
This is a zedonk & her mommy, a donkey.
They named her Pippi Longstocking.
Her daddy is a zebra.


Thesaurus: an ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary----fishducky