Friday, August 26, 2016


However, there's this:

As I'm sure you all know, August 26 is National Toilet Paper Day, but do you know why?  It's because the first commercially produced roll of toilet paper was sold on August 26, 1871.  If it's OK, I'd like to take a short break before you go off to your parties to give you some facts on the subject of everybody's friend, toilet paper.  (Thanks to the folks at,, &

In 1857, Joseph C. Gayetty began selling toilet paper with his name printed on each sheet. He marketed the brand as medical tissue for hemorrhoids.

The U.S. spent $9.6 billion on standard toilet paper in 2014.  On average, Americans use about 50 pounds of toilet paper per-person per year, compared to people in other Western countries, who use about 33 pounds per year each. Americans also prefer multi-ply paper, which increases the per-person usage rate.

Koji Suzuki, the Japanese horror novelist best known for writing The Ring, had an entire novel printed on a single roll of toilet paper. the story takes place in a public bathroom & the whole thing is about three feet long.

7% of Americans admit to stealing rolls of toilet paper from hotels and motels & that's just the ones who admit it. 

The most expensive toilet paper in the world is the Portuguese brand Renova. it’s three-ply, perfumed, costs $3 per roll and comes in lots of colors including black, red, blue and green. 

There was a toilet paper museum in Wisconsin called The Madison Museum of Toilet Tissue, but it closed in 2000.  

About two-thirds of Americans prefer their toilet paper to come off the roll over the top.  By the way...under the roll people are considered be more intelligent.  

There was a limited edition brand called "John Wayne Toilet Paper".  The slogan: It's rough & it doesn't take crap from anyone. 

It wasn’t until 1935 that manufacturers promised “Splinter-Free Toilet Paper.”
Even though they may feel similar, toilet paper and facial tissues aren’t the same. The fibers used to make toilet paper are very short, which allow the paper to begin disintegrating within seconds of becoming wet. This design allows the paper to dissolve in septic systems. Remarkably, after getting wet, toilet paper still retains about 15% of its dry strength.

Todd Seimer
Guinness World Records  adjudicator Morgan Wilber congratulates Charmin Marketing Director Scott Mautz, and Leonard the Bear, for breaking the record for the World's Largest Toilet Roll in celebration of National Toilet Paper Day, 2015. 

Measuring more than eight feet high with a diameter of more than nine feet wide, the World’s Largest Toilet Roll is made entirely of Charmin toilet tissue. The roll was fabricated at the P&G Paper Products Company, located outside of Cape Girardeau, MO, and then transported to the company’s headquarters in Cincinnati, OH for the unveiling.

“The roll contains over 1,000,000 square feet of paper and would take approximately 95,000 rolls of Charmin to equal the same amount of paper,” said Darrick Johnson, plant manager at the P&G Paper Products Company, located outside of Cape Girardeau, MO. “We were sad to see it go but excited for its new record-breaking honor.”

I believe this roll is currently available at Costco.

The best toilet paper routine on TV:

In case you have a problem:

 Looking for a cheap wedding dress?  Charmin and hold a toilet paper wedding dress contest each year. In 2015, 1,498 women took part of the challenge at Kleinfeld's and the winner, Donna Pope Vincler, received $10,000.  An old Irish adage says, "Happy is the bride that the rain falls on" but I'm not sure that's true if she's wearing a toilet paper dress.  Here is her dress (top) & a few others:

Here are Kool & the Gang to help you celebrate:

Toilet paper can make a beautiful "waterfall":


Thursday, August 25, 2016


If you are currently married, if you've ever been married, if your parents were married or if you know anyone that's married you should understand the humor here.  By the way, when sending your regrets to a wedding invitation, "Maybe next time" is not a proper response.

Have you noticed that when the minister asks you "For better or worse?" they never say just how much worse?

My husband met the rabbi who married us on the street.  He told Bud he’s not a rabbi anymore.  He’s in real estate.  Bud says that if he’s an ex-rabbi, that would make him my ex-husband.  Another time, my wedding ring, which had been soldered to my engagement ring, broke off.  He claimed that automatically reverted us back to being engaged.  He's a lawyer & he should know. Do you think he’s trying to tell me something?

 This shows true love:
(Above love notes from




A couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary & were asked the secret of their long & happy marriage.  The wife explains, "When we were first married, we made a vow to keep romance fresh.  Twice a week we go out to a really nice restaurant for dinner, which always includes a bottle of fine wine.  Then we check into an upscale hotel where we share a bottle of champagne & we make mad, passionate love.  We've done that twice a week for as long as I can remember. He goes Tuesdays & I go Fridays!!"
If the man you're married to never shows up anywhere on time, is it proper to refer to him as your late husband?

I love this father of the bride speech:

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe----fishducky