Tuesday, November 24, 2015


My computer on a recent occasion
could not complete a simple application
so in preparation for this presentation
I had a short communication
with some outsourced repair station
can you imagine my frustration
when this dreaded conversation
soon became an abomination
when the agent, whom I believe was Asian,
or else of Indian persuasion,
asked me if I were Caucasian
with some obvious trepidation
yet trying to avoid a conflagration
I asked why my coloration
should be part of the equation
my immediate inclination
was that I felt it was an invasion
of my personal situation
she said it was not her intention
to cause me any apprehension
but she had asked me a simple question,
“Can you wait?” which my elderly ears’ translation
said, “Are you white?” (an aberration!!)
it was not due to inattention
yet I caused my own aggravation
and the subsequent confrontation
with this child of another nation
because of her strange inflection
I couldn’t understand her directions
which brought the call to its culmination
in summation,
I would rather have had a conversation
with the Federal Bureau of Investigation’s
division of tax evasion
if there are further complications
I’ll not again in desperation
put myself in this situation
I now make this stipulation
instead I’ll call a blood relation,
my son, who’s an English speaker by persuasion
I give to him my commendation
he will again be my salvation
after a short consultation
he has given me his affirmation
that he’ll sort out this complication
and, if it’s any consolation,
he’ll save me the degradation
and, indeed, the devastation
of suffering the indignation
of a forced relocation
to a nursing home where the accommodations
are for those of my generation
by my calculations
I would not be in this situation
if these outsourced conversations
were handled in some nation
where English was spoken without hesitation
instead of sounding like an incantation
I realize that these people of foreign origination
who have received much education 
are hired because of financial consideration
but their accents cause such tremendous consternation
let me make this observation
which I have reached after cogitation
as a way of self-preservation
if there were a termination
of these outsourced communications
I could get my own information!!

My dream is to never again hear a male voice say, "Hello, my name is Peggy; may I help you?"----fishducky


Monday, November 23, 2015


(Ed. note: The original translation of the Bible said that it was a whale that swallowed Jonah.  We have since discovered that it was actually a salmon.)

God sent Jonah to Nineveh.  Nineveh was an enemy of Jonah's country, Israel, so Jonah did not want to go to there.

Jonah tried to escape God.  He tried to travel elsewhere by ship.  There was a terrible storm. Jonah knew that God had caused the storm because He was angry at him so he asked the sailors to throw him into the sea to save themselves, which they were happy to do.  But Jonah did not drown, because at the last minute God sent a humongous salmon to swallow him. 

Jonah prayed to God.  He thanked God, who had rescued him, but asked Him, “Couldn’t you find a more modern fish to swallow me?  It's dark & damp, there’s no TV, no internet connection & I can’t even get a signal on my cell phone in here!!”  God relented & caused the fish to return Jonah to dry land. 

The fish followed Jonah onto the land & knowing it would die there, he tried to return it to the sea.  While attempting to save it he accidentally dropped the salmon on some hot rocks & that’s how it was born a lox.

(Probably not to be continued.) 

The shirt says, "If swallowed induce vomiting"

Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy"----fishducky


Friday, November 20, 2015


My friend Carole sent me this.  I don't know if she was worried about my appearance or just being helpful.  Either way, I now offer you this sage advice:

Many people are older and are quite confused about how they should present themselves. They're unsure about the kind of image they are projecting and whether or not they are correct as they try to conform to current fashions. And for those of you receiving this who are getting close to 70, (or 80) keep reading anyway . . . you'll be there. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations do NOT go together and should be avoided:
1. A nose ring and bifocals
2. Spiked hair and bald spots
3. A pierced tongue and dentures
4. Miniskirts and support hose
5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads
6. Speedos and cellulite
7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar
8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist
11. Bikinis and liver spots
12. Short shorts and varicose veins
13. In-line skates and a walker

And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion:
14. A thong and Depends
Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop.

Can you spot the fashion faux pas in these pictures?

 Shorts should not be worn 
if it's cold enough for a jacket.

White shoes go much better with ermine.

 One should not advertise that they're wearing old clothes.

 A purple coat needs a delicate metallic cane to set it off.

 Work clothes are not to be worn at home.

 A bra should raise the boobs all the way to the waist.

 A touch of color would spark up her outfit.

 Her hat should match Mickey's shoes, not his pants.

 This lovely creature is dressed perfectly!!

A pair of pearl earrings would complete this outfit.

Have you ever had that horrifying moment when you're looking for an adult but then you realize that you are an adult so you look for an older adult, someone successfully adulting--an adultier adult?----fishducky