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Monday, August 27, 2012

DARWIN AWARDS

This was emailed to me.  Apparently, the truth is funnier than anything I could write! (I don't know in what year these awards were given.)


Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned  when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run. 

Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.


Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves...
'Shit happens'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



These are the Darwin Awards for 2011:


They are soooooooo funny, and just think, they are true!

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James

Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.


And now, the honorable mentions:


2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also
lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bu lawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit. (I'm pretty sure I had this kid in class. Lou)

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer... $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided

that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store
window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of
the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
from."

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast...
The man, frustrated, walked away. 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he
bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man
curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged
his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.



In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friend
and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a
distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are
distant and hope they remain lost.





PS--I remember the winner of a previous year’s contest.  He was a terrorist who sent a mail bomb to a politician.  It was returned due to insufficient postage.  He opened it.

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL!

The following shows the workings of their brains.  You may have to copy & paste.  I couldn't put it in using Blogger.  Put the cursor in the center & move it SLOWLY over the image to change it:

http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf

I love this!  I may put it in every time!!:



No, I was not entered in this contest----fishducky


PS--If you didn't get enough laughs today, read Melynda's books--JUST NONSENSE & MORE NONSENSE. Funny stuff!!

Being computer illiterate, I don't know how to  put the stuff that goes with this button into my post but I DO want to support her!!  You can enter through Elisa's post (THE CRAZY LIFE OF A WRITING MOM) or Janie Junebug's post (WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME).

















   
   
   






























 

16 comments:

  1. I laughed so hard the whole family woke up and started hunting for the egg-laying chicken!

    Btw, do you mind if I post a link to your blog for my Fabulous Friday Humour post? =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind at all! Who is the Helen you mentioned Friday?

      Delete
  2. hehehe ... yeah, people do crazy things ... I mean look at how we elect politicians to run our affairs ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They aren't any better at it than we are, are they?

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  3. Let's just hope these people didn't reproduce before they bit it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Not only do they reproduce like rabbits--they VOTE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. These are always just so amazing! Sad and hysterically funny at the same time. It really is a fact--truth is stranger than fiction. :):)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are way too weird for me to make up

      Delete
  6. Yay! I'm so excited when stupid people kill themselves.

    Love,
    Janie, who will probably be on next year's list

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you don't have a reservation!

      Delete
  7. Good riddance, I guess or is that cruel? Maybe these people just can't help being so darned STUPID!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be careful! Those people also drive & now some of them are mad at you!!

      Delete
  8. I love the Darwin Awards. I know a few people that will end up being on this list one day. :)
    Thanks for the mention. By the way I love your face lady

    ReplyDelete
  9. As long as neither you or I are among them!

    Love you, too!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Fishducky, ah, the folly of humans! Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So it has always been & always will be...

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.