Follow

Friday, August 24, 2012

THE EXTRA LARGE “MAN THING”


When our youngest son, Blake, got married, he & his wife eloped to Las Vegas.  Not to sneak by us—we loved his wife--& still do.  I guess they didn’t want all the fancy trappings that go with a formal wedding.  Soon after their return we threw them a wedding reception.  I decided I had a right to see them get married, so I performed a wedding ceremony.  (No, I am not a minister.)  It was short & went something like this: “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to reunite this man & this woman in holy matrimony.  Please join hands.  Diane, do you promise to love & honor Blake & to let him have the TV remote control?  ‘I do.’  Blake, do you promise to love & honor Diane & to put the toilet seat down?  ‘I do.’  I now re-pronounce you husband & wife.  You may kiss the bride!”  They were later married (again!) in a Catholic church in Florida, where her family lives.  We had not met her family before.  At the reception at her sister’s home her father told me that he & his wife loved our Blake the first moment they met him.  Sometimes I don’t know what I’m going to say until it comes out of my mouth.  What came out was, “Really?  What do you think of him now?”


 I was Christmas shopping one year & found the perfect T-shirt for Blake.  It had a picture of a TV remote control on the front & said, “It’s a man thing!”  I told the saleswoman I’d like one in an extra-large.   She didn’t have any under the counter so she called across the busy store to a stock boy, “I need a ‘man thing’ in an extra-large!”  The woman behind me in line said, “Don’t we all?”  Cracked up the whole store!
He & his brother once bought me a VERY LARGE toy stuffed reindeer for Christmas.  They bought it in San Francisco & brought it down on the plane with them.  It was too large to be wrapped & they didn’t want to send it through baggage.  It wouldn’t fit in the overhead & they didn’t want to have it in their laps, so they did the only reasonable (?) thing.  They bought him a ticket.  “Rodney” was strapped into a seat & a passenger asked the flight attendant if she would move him so he could sit there.  She laughed & told him, “I’m sorry, sir, but the reindeer has a ticket.”  They showed me their copy.  On it was “Passenger’s name: Reindeer, Rodney”.


Rodney Reindeer

           My family has always expressed emotion physically.  We practically kissed each other goodbye when we went to the bathroom.  I had to teach my husband to become a “hugger” when we got married.  (He already knew how to kiss.)  I guess I created a monster.  When Blake was about 2, I was standing at the sink preparing dinner.  (YES, I used to make dinner!)  He pointed to my leg & asked, “Dat yours?”  I told him yes.  He pointed to my arm & said, “Dat yours?”  Yes, again.  He then pointed to my breast & asked, “Dat Daddy’s?”

           Blake was 49 this year.  I am 36.  The best way to explain this anomaly is to tell you about something that I read in one of Kirk Douglas’ books.  A “senior” movie actress was being interviewed.  The reporter said, “Forgive me, Madame, but I have to ask.  Your son (who was also a star) admits to being 56.  You claim to be 63.  How can this be?”  Her answer (& mine): “He has his life—I have mine!”





----The “forever young” fishducky 


PS--If you didn't get enough laughs today, read Melynda's books--JUST NONSENSE & MORE NONSENSE. Funny stuff!!

Being computer illiterate, I don't know how to  put the stuff that goes with this button into my post but I DO want to support her!!  You can enter through Elisa's post (THE CRAZY LIFE OF A WRITING MOM) or Janie Junebug's post (WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME).







            

16 comments:

  1. Hehehe Fran ... you're more fun than a barrel-full of monkeys ...

    ... talking about "Man Size" ... a few years ago when most clothing was locally-made or European, I used to buy clothing labelled 'Medium' without even trying the stuff on in the store - now that most clothing here comes from China I have to buy "XXX Large" ... I wasted quit a few bucks before I learned my lesson ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought a barrel of monkeys would be too much fun! By the way, I would assume that monkeys wear "medium".

      Delete
  2. Oh I love this; was taking a drink when reading and started laughing. Not only did I snort soda up my nose I now have to clean the monitor....between you, Pearl, and Helen I will have the cleanest monitor on the internet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I've said before, if I can make one person smile or pee their pants (or wash their monitor) my day was not wasted! I know Pearl--I'm a follower--but who is Helen? I'm always looking for funny posts!!

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Reminds me of an old joke: A business firms finds itself in need of a new accountant. Three guys come in for an interview. The boss asks #1, "How much is 2+2?" He answers, "4". The boss thanks him & tells him they'll get back to him later. #2 comes in. Same question--same answer--same response. #3 is asked, "How much is 2+2?" The guy asks, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job!!

      Delete
  4. Oh, my! I'm going to pray for an extra-large man thing.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  5. When I was eight I really wanted a Rodney Reindeer but knew there was no way I'dever be able to afford one. So I made him. Bought the fabric and stuffing for less than 10 bucks and he was bigger than most of the ones in the store. And way cuter. :)

    Funny, I had forgotten all about him until I read this. (smiling warm happy memories)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have two other Rodneys. One is about 8"-10" high & sits on my stairs. The other is only a couple of inches high & lives in my chandelier. Glad I could make you smile!

      Delete
  6. Love the reindeer! You made me laugh, Fran!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You always make me chuckle and nearly spit coffee on my laptop! :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dear Fishducky, I laughed out loud at what the famous actress said. I think this is the line I'm going to start using with the three cats with whom I live when they start complaining about their hard lives. "Well, Ellie, Maggie, and Matthew, I have my life and you have you! Enjoy it as you will!" Peace.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.