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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

FISHDUCKY’S GREETING CARDS, INC.

WELCOME TO THE NEW WEDNESDAY EDITION!!!


Hallmark’s slogan is “When you care enough to send the very best”.  Someecards uses “When you care enough to hit send’’.  The slogan for my new greeting card company will be “Here!”

We offer cards for every occasion.  Here's a sample of our stock:








“Happy birthday!
Don’t be a flake.
Give me some of
That chocolate cake!”









“Here’s my wish for
You this Easter—
Don’t fall down and
Break your keester!”








“It’s Hanukkah!
Here’s your dreidel toy.
Aren’t you glad
You’re not a Goy?”*
*Non-Jew






“You had a brand new baby,

And I suppose that’s fine.
But I would’ve gladly given
You any one of mine!”









“Congratulations
On your wedding,
That should keep
STD’s from spreading!”

OR:

                                                    “Word’s out you’re getting married,
                                                    I wish you endless luck.
                                                    God knows you’ll really need it
                                                    If you say “Yes” to that schmuck.”









"It's about time
You divorced that cow.
Does that mean it’s OK
To hit on her now?”








“Christmas is coming
With lots of good cheer.
I hope Santa
Brings me beer!”










"So glad you're out of jail.
Did they grant you a parole,
Or did someone slip a file
Inside your casserole?"








"All this snoring

Is making me woozy.
Oh, how I wish
I had an Uzi!"







“Thanks for having me
At your place—
Loved shoving dinner
Into my face!”








“Happy New Year!
Auld lang syne!
I need another
Glass of wine!”







"I'm so sorry 
You got fired.
Just pretend that 
You retired."









“Too bad you’re sick.
Just take your pill.
Your doctor says you’ll need it 
When you get his bill."








"You always said to
Eat, drink & live hearty.
We had a great time at
Your funeral party!"





We even offer cards for those "of a certain age"--here are three samples:




“I know this
Birthday card is late.
So what?  You’re  too old
To celebrate.”


“Too many candles can easily start
A blaze in your apartment—
A happy birthday warning from
Your local Fire Department.”

“Because you’ve had so many birthdays
And we all love you a heap,
We pooled our money and decided
To have you put to sleep.”
















Does this look like the start of a fantastic new career or what?----fishducky



   


49 comments:

  1. Sorry,
    if I gave any of these cards to my Beloved, she'd probably shoot me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people just aren't sentimental...

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  2. Sign me up for some of those cards!!!! You may be onto something! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have a gift!

    This one made me laugh out loud:

    "All this snoring
    Is making me woozy.
    Oh, how I wish
    I had an Uzi!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In case you were wondering how Elisa's visit here went, I posted this comment on her blog:

      "To say that Bud & I enjoyed your visit is like saying Mt. Everest is kind of tall! You & Cade & the kids are all gorgeous & fun & easy to be with. The kids looked like they were having a blast--not too many restrictions here. (Just like at Miss Priss' house, right?) I enjoyed teaching the girls how to draw a fishducky--& thank you SO much for the private concert!! YOU DEFINITELY PASSED THE TEST! I'm proud to be an unofficial grandma to your kids."

      Delete
  4. If you want a card for all occassions,
    you do not need to be lucky,
    Just hop on your computer,
    And order from "Fishducky."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VERY clever!
      Way to go!
      Do you want to be
      My agent, Joe?

      Delete
  5. I love it! The marriage one was my favorite. hee hee.
    Happy Birthday tomorrow! You should go see what I wrote for you. Or not. You may beat me to death or make a card saying how you are going to murder me. You could call it murder she wrote so murder I did.. :)
    Love you

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  6. Thanks for the birthday wish! I'll hold back on making any further comment until I read your post!!

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  7. I didn't want to get absent minded and forget tomorrow so here is a HUGE HAPPY BIRTHDAY for you for tomorrow. We all think you are awesome and wish you the very best day possible.
    Odie in NC

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  8. My Granny taught me to always get a humorous card for every occasion! You would be her favorite supplier ;)

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    Replies
    1. I agree! Take another look at the post, near the end--I added a "funeral" card.

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  9. I am so glad to discover that you have finally got a blog as I have long enjoyed your comments on various other blogs as well as the artwork posted by Inger.

    As for your cards -- I'd not only buy them -- I'd send them, too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, new follower (& brilliant art critic)!!

      Delete
  10. haha I'd send then to one and all, as the cat sure likes the rhyming on the wall. And supposed to wish you happy birthday tomorrow but I'll do it today, so happy birthday for tomorrow today!

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    Replies
    1. THANKS, but isn't it cheating to rhyme "today" with "today"?

      So how many can I put you down for??

      Delete
  11. You have one wacky sense of humor! I write limericks, so I appreciate your poetry. I'm dropping in to wish you a happy birthday tomorrow. I've seen your comments around the blogosphere, get a kick out of your name (although I have no idea what it means!) I hope you have a wonderful tomorrow and receive many hugs and some cake. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wacky--moi? I LOVE limericks--Can you email me some of yours, please?

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    2. I'll explain how the name "fishducky" came to be in my post on 10/5/12.

      Delete
  12. Oh how I've missed thee, the wonderful fish ducky!
    Hey, so a birdie told me you had a blog AND a birthday!!!
    I hope it's half as wonderful as you are!!!
    Now that I'm back blogging again, ill be stalking you ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome back, stalker--you've been missed!!

      Delete
  13. Dear Fishducky, I'm wondering--did you do the art work for the cards as sell as come up with the verses???? You know you are one talented woman!

    And--a whole day early--Happy Birthday! May tomorrow be extraordinarily jolly for you. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I could say yes, but I got them off the net--but THANK YOU!!

      Delete
  14. I don't usually read all the comments other bloggers leave, but one just has to on your blog. And after reading all these wonderful and funny comments, I completely forget what I wanted to say. Happy Birthday tomorrow, dear fishducky!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Some of the people who comment are are funnier than I am--we WILL take care of those...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh I hear your Happy Birthday is near.
    Skip to frig and have a beer.
    If everyone buys one of your hilarious card wishes
    You can say pretty soon my maid does my dishes.
    Good luck :) B

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My cards are selling nicely,
      I have no cause to pout.
      I don't have many dirty dishes
      'Cause I usually eat out!

      Delete
  17. Happy Birthday!!!
    You know how to pick out funny cards, that's for sure.
    Have a fun day!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I figure that if they make me laugh you guys will like them, too!

      Delete
  18. Good Luck with your venture. I am sure you will do great.
    Happy Birthday in advance.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi there fishducky! You don't know me - well, you MIGHT have seen me around, but a little bird (well actually it was that naughty Melynda!) told me that you had a birthday today (27th), so I thought I would just hop on over from England, to wish you a very happy birthday. Hope you have a super day. These cards were hilarious by the way! I know you've got a great sense of humour, because I've followed your comments on Carol's blog (Facing50 with humour). Hope you don't mind if I follow you, as I know I will always get a smile over here, and that little mynx Carol doesn't seem to be around so much these days. Well, as she's now a famous author, I think she's forgotten us and her humble beginnings!! Hee Hee! Hope the year ahead is a good one for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember you from Carol's blog--you're the "leetle mynx". THANK YOU & welcome to my small--but hopefully growing-- group!!!

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  20. By the way, I've given you a shout out in my post which will go out tomorrow!

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  21. Replies
    1. Thank you--& thanks for today's serenade!!

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  22. Wish you a lovely, and very happy birthday!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you--for your birthday wishes & for following!!

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  23. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR FISHDUCKY, AND MANY, MANY MORE! Sorry I'm a bit late, but I had to go to the doctor, the vet (for my dog, not me), the bank, the insurance company this morning and then I had to go home and take a long nap. I hope you are having a wonderful day with Bud, the kids and grandkids.

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  24. Tack sa mycket, Inger! If I did all that in one day, I'd be napping until tomorrow!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I would buy those cards. They're outstanding.

    Love,
    Janie

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  26. I knew you would. You have such discerning taste!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I'm just making it in time... Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Fishduckyyyyyyyy! Happy birthday to you! And many mooooooore! (Let it be noted that this was snuck in right at 11:50pm)

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  28. You're OK, Paige--it's only 10:15 local time in L.A. Go to bed!!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.