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Monday, October 1, 2012

DO YOU HAVE ANY MENTAL FLOSS? SOMETHING’S STUCK IN MY BRAIN


            We bought a condo in Maui in 1975.  We had originally planned to retire there, but soon learned I was far too susceptible to “island fever”, i.e., the inability to move one’s ass when one is soooo comfortable in the sun.  An example:  I would lie on the beach & think, “I have to go potty.  Badly.  Right now!  I’ll just lie here another hour or so & then I’ll get up & go.”

             Shortly after our purchase, Natalie (my sister-in-law) & her 3 girls came out to spend the summer with us.  Nat came back from a LONG day at the beach.  (She denies it, but Bud & I have seen her tanning her armpits & spreading her belly button open so it would get tan inside.)  She told us she had met the “nicest” couple on the beach, who also had a condo in our complex, & that we should go down the next day to meet them.  Natalie, who was at that time a bit of a prude but has since become a slut lovely modern lady, said, “I think they’re married, but I’m not sure.  It doesn’t matter, but I think they ARE married.  But I’m not sure.  But I think so.  But I’m not sure.”  I, of course, said, “Nat, if you want to know, I’ll ask them.”


              Bud & I went to the beach the next day & met Jack & Jane.  Nat was right—they were VERY nice.  After visiting for a while, I said to Jane, “I want to ask you something that is absolutely none of my business.  I won’t be insulted if you don’t want to answer.  Actually, it’s my sister-in-law that wants to know.  Are you & Jack married?”  She laughed & said, “Oh, my God, NO!”


              Jack & Jane ran their air conditioning constantly & it apparently couldn’t handle the stress.  One day Jack came out of the condo & said to Jane, “I didn’t even know you’d planted a crop, but it’s ready for harvest.”  Moisture must have been running out of the A/C vent because there were actual mushrooms growing in the carpet just below it.


Jane was an heiress of some sort & had beaucoup dollars.  One day she had a problem & asked for my attorney/accountant husband’s help in solving it.  She told him she had just received a disturbing letter from her bank.  To quote her precisely, “The bank said I’m UNDERDEPOSITED!”  It’s just that we’d never heard it phrased quite that way before.


              They lived in Salt Lake City & though she was not a Mormon, she was obviously less than familiar with Jews & Jewish food.  She came to Los Angeles on business & I took her to Junior’s Delicatessen for lunch.  Our waitress served a bowl of chicken soup to the lady sitting in the next booth.  It contained a very large matzo ball.  Jane asked me, in all seriousness, “Why does that lady have a tennis ball in her soup?”

              PS—Re the condo:  Small World Dept.  I was visiting with my new neighbors & one of them asked me where we lived when we weren’t in Hawaii.  I told her we lived in Los Angeles.  She said she had a sister there, told me her name & asked if we knew her.  (After all, there are only about 3,000,000 people in L. A.)  I said I didn’t know her & asked where she lived.  She told me.  Her sister lived EXACTLY one block from us!

Aloha!  I have to watch the humuhumunukunukuapua’a go swimming by----fishducky














PS--Did you know that 78 is the new 77?




27 comments:

  1. What a pleasure it is to wake up the computer in the morning and find a post by Fishducky. Thank you! You've made me smile -- a lot! :-)

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    1. You're welcome! Screw the computer--it's a pleasure just to wake up in the morning!!

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  2. I would have thought that "Island Fever" would have been the ideal accompaniment to retirement. If I'd managed to make it there, I'd never have moved.

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    1. It CAN be a little hard on whatever you happen to be wearing, though...

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  3. I so agree with The Broad! And that sentence is comforting as the years move on so darned fast! I for one am glad you're still in LA.

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  4. I think that i am always underdeposited.

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    1. It sounds so much classier than OVERDRAWN!!

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  5. I don't think you could actually use them for tennis--they don't bounce very well!

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  6. Jane sounds like a character. I'm still smiling about the tennis ball. ;)
    P.S. Cade wants me to let you know that you have a new reader.

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  7. Welcome, Cade! Why don't you become my 50th follower?

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  8. Always a delight! I can't imagine living in Maui! Probably much too hot for me. I'd probably pick Alaska instead--LOL! I know. Weird. ;)

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    1. I love Hawaii, but I actually prefer the cold, too. You can always put on another sweater (or parka) but there's a limit to how much you can take off--without getting arrested!!

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  9. I think 78 is the new 68. I need to believe this.

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    1. I just turned 78--I mean 36 (again)--& to me 68 is still a kid!!

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  10. So what happened to the condo? Do you still own it and it's just sitting there empty? The Z Boys and I would be happy to be your watch dogs.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. We sold it. There were new tax laws enacted when Carter was President. If you stayed there more than 4 weeks a year it was considered a 2nd home & not a rental property. After that, it was cheaper to rent it for a month rather than paying the taxes. Sorry!!

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  11. I had a friend whose cooking left something to be desired. I'm pretty sure her matzo balls would've worked quite well as tennis balls. Maybe even billiard balls.

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  12. Probably billiard balls! Tennis balls are light & fluffy.

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  13. Dear Fran, from knowing you via your blog and comments, I'd say that the new 78 is 35! As to the Hawaii condo and making friends, I suspect you've never failed to make friends anywhere you've gone--whether they got matzo balls or not! Peace.

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    1. But I'm not 35--I'm 36. I'd never lie about my age!!

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  14. I had to learn how to spell humuhumunukunukuapuaa when I was in 2nd grade. I still remember how to and the song we sang about it. Although, I am happy to live on my cold island ;)

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    1. You must have had a tough 2nd grade teacher--that's a long word!!

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  15. To ANNIE OF BLUE GABLES--Thank you for being my 50th follower!!

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