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Friday, October 26, 2012

FISHDUCKY’S IMPERFECTIONS (NOT AN OXYMORON)


Janice Horton is throwing her SPELLBINDINGLY FUN BLOG PARTY today, & I promised to participate, so here's my spell.  You can go to her blog here.

LAMENT OF AN OLD WITCH

Take a cup of olive oil,
Bring it slowly to a boil.
Add feather of a golden eagle,
Three fleas taken from a beagle,
Some magic crystals, finely chopped.
Cook it 'til it starts to pop. 
Elephant hair & eye of newt,
I think that I'll throw in some fruit.
Pickled pig's foot, heart of lizard,
And just a teensy piece of gizzard.
A little pasta would be swell,
I'll just have to stir it well.
Oh, my stars, it's as I feared;
My memory has disappeared.
What was I brewing, a magic potion
Or dinner?  I haven't the foggiest notion!


And now, today's post:

                Sit down.  What I’m going to tell you may come as a shock.  I AM NOT PERFECT!   Let me give you some of the VERY FEW examples of this.
                When I was about 4--I remember being perfect until that time--my brother was ill & the doctor was coming over to examine him. (Ask your parents what the archaic term “house call” means.  Or your grandparents.)  I was in our backyard doing some genteel ladylike thing such as climbing a tree or possibly digging a hole.  My mother came & got me & dragged led me into the house so she could clean me up in preparation for the doctor’s visit.  She took a washcloth & scrubbed my face.  This did not go over too well with me.  According to my mother, I screamed at her, “PUT THAT DIRT BACK ON MY FACE!!”
We used to go to Acapulco with friends every year.  We always stayed at Hotel Las Brisas.  Las Brisas consists of about 250 “casitas” (little free-standing houses).  Each one has its own fenced in privacy pool where you could go skinny dipping without being seen by anyone.  Early every morning someone would come, clean out the old flowers & toss a few fresh hibiscuses in the pool.  (One day I told Bud I was very upset that I couldn’t use the pool yet.  He asked me why & I told him the flower man was late.  Yesterday’s flowers were still in the pool!)  Bud & I had finished our room service lunch & had put the tray outside the gate so it could be picked up & we could skinny dip without interruptions.  Someone came to get the tray & I heard some rattling of dishes & glassware.  We had been married between 20 & 25 years at the time, but as they say, old habits die hard.  When I heard the noise outside the gate & realized we were naked & in the pool together, I had a terrifying thought: “Oh, my God, my MOTHER is coming!”
Las Brisas

            Another time I (may) have been guilty:  I was driving with my 3 year old daughter & infant son in the backseat.  I drove through an intersection & was pulled over by a policeman.   I asked him why he had stopped me & he told me I had run a red light.  I honestly told him that I hadn’t—that the light was amber & changing when I went through.  My helpful (?) daughter piped up, “No, Mommy, it was red!”  It’s always nice to have a witness--however, I would have preferred one who was on my side.  I got the ticket.


And then there was the time I was feeling put upon, unappreciated & totally exhausted—in  other words, completely normal for someone with 3 children, all under the age of 6.  I couldn’t take it any longer.  I had to get away.  I HAD TO RUN AWAY!!  I couldn’t leave the kids alone so I piled them in the backseat of the car & strapped them in to keep them from killing each other.  I understand that there is a secondary (& therefore of lesser importance) benefit to seat belts.  It helps keep them safe.  They asked where we were going.  I told them “I DON’T KNOW!!!!!” & not  to say another word.  I drove.  Anywhere.  We ended up at an ice cream parlor about 5 miles from the house.  So the trip wouldn’t be a total loss, we all went in & had sundaes.  They wanted to know why I had taken them out for a treat but I wouldn’t allow them to talk yet.






Shut up & eat your ice cream----fishducky 

  




22 comments:

  1. Dear Fran, no you're not perfect, but darn near!!!!! Peace.

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    Replies
    1. I think so, too--now if I could only convince my husband!

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  2. I was a bit like you as a little girl, I loved a good mud puddle or dirt pile! Ice cream sounds nice...just wish I had some now...

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    Replies
    1. Ice cream & dirt--the perfect combination for me back then!

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  3. So.....where is the not perfect part?

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    Replies
    1. Actually, I don't know--I'm only going by what my family tells me!

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  4. I use my laptop on a tray as I perch on my recliner. I laughed so hard at your post that the tray and laptop, resting on my fat stomach, jiggled up and down. Getting your face washed before the doctor arrived reminds me of a post I need to write. If I forget, be sure to tell me to write the post about dressing up when sick.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. NEVER read my posts with a full bowl of soup on your tray!

      If you tell me when you want the reminder, I'll put it on my calendar.

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  5. WOW I LOVED your spellbinding verse Fishducky and can empathise with the memory loss! Thanks very much for your support today and for being such a fun sport too!

    Love, Janice xx

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    Replies
    1. You're welcome--it was fun to write!

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  6. So I'm still looking for the 'not perfect'....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would you please talk to my husband & kids?

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  7. Brilliant! I really enjoyed your post.

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  8. If they only would shut up. *sigh* Mine even talk in between mouthfuls...

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    Replies
    1. Between mouthfuls isn't bad--it's DURING that bothers me!!

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  9. Unfortunately, I had a mouthful of carrot I was chewing when I read your post. It is unfortunate because I spewed it on my screen laughing~

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  10. Have some coffee, spit that on the screen, then wipe...

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  11. Now all of us other non-perfect people can finally relate to you--LOL! ;)

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    Replies
    1. I finally realized it was time to confess!

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  12. You are indeed perfect, perfectly funny I'd say. I do remember house calls, our family doctor never missed one, he was really nice. Perhaps, the fact that he had an undying love for my aunt, worked in my favor. Ah men.....

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  13. As Elvis would say, "Thangyewvermuch"!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.