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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

IF I HAD ONLY KNOWN…


            …I probably wouldn’t have gone to Chippendale’s years ago with a group of my friends.  I knew they had male strippers—that’s not what bothered me.  It’s just that I felt so old.  One of the acts was the Unknown Stripper.  He danced with a paper bag over his head but I would have known him anywhere.  I used to babysit him when he was little.
Upper row, third from left, is NOT me :(

…how good (NOT!) the service was at H. Salt Fish & Chips, I don’t think I would have gone there with my kids.  I had just finished a diet & was craving fried food.  I love fish & chips, so off we went.  The kids got theirs & were happily chomping down while I waited for my order.  They had apparently thought I’d ordered one piece of hot fish & one COLD.  I hadn’t.  I took my plate back to the counter & asked for another piece of hot fish.  I was told they couldn’t take back the cold fish because I had already tasted it.  I asked them how I was supposed to know it was cold if I didn’t taste it.  This went back & forth until I asked to see the manager.  They said was on his way in, so I waited 20 minutes, getting more pissed off every second.  He heard my story & told the cashier to give me my money back.  As I was walking out the door the cashier asked, in a very “smartassy” voice, if I was satisfied now.  I told her no, that I hadn’t gotten the tax.  She threw it at me & said, “Don’t come back!”  (I wrote a letter of complaint to KFC, which was their parent company.  They sent me an apology & coupons for free fried chicken.)
…there’s no way I would have told my young granddaughters to look at the beautiful full moon while riding in my daughter’s car.  My daughter (the perfectionist) said, “It’s not a full moon.  It’s only 27/28ths.”  I told her it was full ENOUGH for me!
…I’m sure I wouldn’t have made swiss steak when I did for my husband & his friends.  He was in the Army at the time & the day before I had had a wisdom tooth removed on the post.  My mouth didn’t hurt at all & I was able to chew my food without pain.  The problem was that I could only open my mouth far enough to insert VERY thin food.  Swiss steak has to be a minimum thickness to cook properly, & it wasn’t thin enough to put into my mouth.  They told me it was delicious.
        …I would have brought a camera to Lawry’s when Bud took the kids & me there to celebrate my birthday.  The kids had ordered me a cake, shaped like this:
It had "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" written across the top.  This was before cameras in cellphones--actually before cellphones, themselves.  An Asian gentleman who was sitting at the next table--with a camera hanging around his neck--jumped up & said, (& I quote PRECISELY)  "Maybe I help?  I am Japanese tourist!"  He took a picture, got my name & address & promised to send it to me.  Unfortunately, I never got it. 





          …that I would live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself----fishducky



This video has nothing to do with this post.
It is just SO amazing that I had to share it!
!

23 comments:

  1. I love that video, I'm going to use it in class. I hate fast food places, they hire morons who can barely sign their name and need pictures on the register to tell them what we order, freaking losers. Now, about the Chippendale story....:)

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    1. I HAD TO put that video in--I thought it was great!! Hope your students appreciate it.

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  2. Thanks for the laughs! That Chippendale story is priceless! I hope you're having a great week.

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    1. When you get old, it seems you knew everyone as a baby!

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  3. Very cool video, but it missed a pic of Fishducky giving the fish and chips lady hell!

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    1. This was in the late 60's--no one carried a camera with them, except for Japanese tourists!

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  4. I imagine babysitting a Chippendale dancer ruins the experience.

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    1. His fellow dancers were beautiful--& he no longer needed a babysitter!

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  5. Great video -- really gets the goosebumps going by the end.

    Had exactly your food experience when I had an infected wisdom tooth removed -- years ago. I felt so much better after with the pain being gone, that my appetite returned. I went out to lunch with fellow work colleagues and ordered a cheeseburger and french fries. When it arrived I realized there was no way I could open my mouth to eat the burger. I had a few fries which I broke up and poked through the tiny opening I could manage with my mouth. Now this is going on 40 years ago and I can still clearly remember how my mouth was watering for that meat on a bun!

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  6. I love the video! Did the Chippendales go for the full monty? I simply don't have any desire to watch naked men prancing around, in public or in my bedroom. I wish I could have a do-over with my children.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Aaaww, c'mon, Janie--it was FUN! Especially when we stuffed bills into their G-strings!!

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  7. I went to a male strip show once but it wasn't chippendales. They wore G-strings. No full monty displays--LOL! But the dancers came off the stage danced on the tables, would gyrate practically in your face, let girls sit on their laps, and actually tried to waylay you on your way to the restroom! I got pinned against the wall and rubbed against--but I was laughing so loud he left. We didn't stay long. The place was closed down a couple weeks after my girlfriends and I were there. I for got all about that. Thanks for the crazy memories! ;)

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    1. The Chippendale dancers stayed on the stage--I guess they didn't want the cops to close them down!

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  8. Dear Rita, thanks for sharing all those funny incidents, but what I'm really thanking you for is the video that showed the past million or so--maybe three million as I'm not up on my history of the Universe. But I think at the very end we saw the demise of Earth. Was that what we were seeing???? The video left a pang in my stomach because of that. Peace.

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    1. I'm not sure if that's what we saw or not, but we've probably got a few million years left, anyway! (By the way, I'm Fran.)

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    2. Dear Fran, of course I know you're Fran. But I'm just so absent-minded and I visit Rita's blog right before yours. So sorry for the misnaming. Peace.

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  9. There is something just WRONG bout male strippers. They just don't have enough to hang a tassle.

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  10. WELCOME, BAIBA (MY 51ST FOLLOWER) & I'D LIKE TO THANK ALL 51 OF YOU!! C'mon--how about a group hug!!

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  11. That video was AMAZING! It gave me chills.

    And about the cold chicken. How terrible were they! I wish you could have gotten more than an apology and coupons.

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  12. I like cold chicken--unfortunately, that was fish!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.