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Friday, November 30, 2012

FURRY FLAILINGS OF FISHDUCKY’S MIND


Check out a great book--& great deal from 
Wayman Publishing
here!!
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We’ve always tried to teach our kids to love animals.  Live, not fried, although I have to admit we are not vegetarians.  (Rita Rudner, the comedienne, once said her husband came home & dinner wasn’t ready.  He told her he wanted a slice of dead animal on his plate & he wanted it NOW!)

I took my kids & some of my nephews & nieces whale watching for about 10 years. We’ve visited the Galapagos Islands.  We’ve been members & supporters of the Los Angeles Zoo for as long as I can remember.  I’ve never been on an African safari—one of the FEW things I’ve missed doing—but we went somewhere almost as good.  We went on a “Caravan Safari” at the San Diego Zoo.  A dozen or so people ride in the back of an open truck with slatted wood sides through an area where animals roam free.  There are no big cats or other predators but there ARE many elephants, rhinos, giraffes, antelopes, etc.—all of which you’re allowed to pet & feed.  (The guide advised us to be careful when feeding the rhinos.  They sometimes get a little pissy when you stop--& if it comes down to a fight between a rhino & a truck, the rhino usually wins.)  Feeding the giraffes was great.  They wrap their tongue around your hand, I suppose so as not to drop the food.  Picking it up off the ground could be a major problem for a giraffe.  Their tongues are 16”-20” long.  Yours is about 4”.  It’s a weird feeling to have your hand “tongue bandaged” like that.

My daughter & her cousin were roommates in Italy for a while.  They decided to give up eating meat, which was no biggie for my daughter because she never cared much for it, anyway.  The reason I don’t think it was for humanitarian reasons is that they still ate fish.  When I asked them why fish was still in their diet, they said they didn’t want to give up anchovies on their pizza.

On one episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, Mary goes to jail for contempt because she refused to reveal her source for a story.  One of her cellmates, a hooker, mentions a fur stole she has.  Shocked, Mary asked, “You wear dead animals around your neck?”  The hooker said, “Yeah!  I tried wearing live ones, but they scratch & bite!”

My daughter & son-in-law got a beautiful puppy, Fio—short for Fiorina, “Little Flower” in Italian.  When Fio was about 10 weeks old, my son came to visit.  He asked his sister why she got a puppy when they were so messy & caused so much extra work.  He sat down & put Fio on his lap.  She nuzzled his crotch non-stop.  He got a blissful look on his face & said, “Where can I get one of these?”


While I’m on the subject of animals, here are two celebrity quotes.  I inadvertently deleted the author of the first & I can't remember who it was, but the second comes from Ellen DeGeneres:


          "I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get nervous and give the wrong answers."

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"It's so weird all the different names they have for groups of
animals. They have pride of lions, school of fish, rack of lamb."
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I saw this online.  As much as I like giraffes, I don’t think I’d want them as houseguests. 


Dave Munson was on vacation with his family in Nairobi, Kenya. While they were having breakfast one morning, they found themselves with some unexpected visitors - giraffes took advantage of the open window to investigate the menu. (Courtesy Dave Munson/Saddleback Leather Co.)




Be careful--they're coming!!











Arf, arf, meow & roar--& MOO!!----fishducky




           

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

TODAY’S TOPIC MAY BE THE TELEPHONE, BUT I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE

            My husband was home with the kids while I went shopping.  There was one particular client he was trying to avoid.  The phone rang & since he thought it probably was THIS client, he told our 5 or 6 year old daughter to answer it.  It was.  He mouthed to her that he wasn’t home.  She told the client, “My daddy’s not home.”  There was a small pause & she said, “Just a minute.”  She turned to Bud & loudly asked, “When will you be home, Daddy?”
            Bud had a lot of dealings with an attorney that I wasn’t overly fond of.  Let’s just say that “Cedric” (not even close to his name, but I don’t want to be sued) thought he was MUCH more important than I thought he was.  Bud was out of the office & he called our house looking for him.  I had previously refused to speak to Cedric on the speakerphone.  (My ONLY idiosyncrasy.)  He was on the speakerphone.  Our conversation: “Hello.”  “Hi, Fran.  Is Bud there?”  “Get off the speakerphone, Cedric.”  “I just want to know if he’s home.”  “Get off the speaker.”  “Can’t you just tell me if he’s there?”  “Not while you’re on the speaker.”    He tried a couple more times & then, in frustration, finally clicked the speaker off.  He said, “OK!  I’m off the speaker.  Is he there?”  “No.”
Signs of the times:
           
              I was VERY close to my grandmother.  My husband answered the phone one evening & his side of the conversation went like this: “Hello.  When?  Yes.  Yes.  OK.  I’ll talk to you later.”  (This kind of conversation was not unusual.  He was an attorney & many things had to be kept private.)  He hung up the phone & I said to him, “My grandmother died.”  He told me that had been my dad calling to tell us just that.  She was old, but had not been sick—it was very sudden.
            Slightly off the topic: I was helping out in Bud’s office, answering the phone when the receptionist was sick.  There was a small chalkboard above her desk for important notices.  One of the clerks had taken the bar exam & I was told that he had just gotten word that he had passed it.  I wrote on the chalkboard, “Lenny passed!”  I apparently should have said, “Lenny passed THE BAR!”  Some of the office staff thought he had died.
            WAY off the topic—but still dealing with communication: As many of you know, Bud & I have been married for 57 years.  (If you use his system of counting, it’s 114 years—57 each.)  Even though I’m fascinating, he sometimes seems to ignore me when I talk to him.  Not so.  After all these years we have developed our own private language.  In response, he can either just sit there, nod, belch or fart.  I can then interpret his action (or inaction) as meaning, “That is the most amusing/interesting/informative thing I’ve ever heard.  Thank you for sharing it with me!”  (We feel it’s important to keep our lines of communication open.)

           How about a really funny phone call:  



            My mother-in-law once said there were 3 rules a successful public speaker should follow.  They are: 1. Be brilliant.  2. Be brief.  3. Be gone.  That probably is good advice for writing posts, too!







Respond as you see fit----fishducky
PS: (From Barbara)  Women are like phones.  They like to be held, talked to & touched often—but push the wrong button & your ass is disconnected!






Monday, November 26, 2012

MY HERO!!


(I was going to call this OF MICE AND MEN, but John Steinbeck stole that title from me when I was 3 years old.)

My husband is a very brave man who loves me very much.  I’m sure that he would run into a burning building to rescue me.  Or climb the highest mountain or even swim the deepest ocean for me, should that become necessary.  He would fight off the slimiest monsters.  Or, maybe not.  He doesn’t do real well with creepy crawlers.  Maybe that’s because of all those years he spent living in the jungle, Tarzanesque.  (He’s actually never said a word to me about being raised in the jungle, but I know he must have been.  Where else would he have learned his table manners?)
 

This brings us to the question, so what?  I’ve told you that we used to have a condo on Maui.  Many people, ourselves included, consider Maui to be a paradise on earth.  Unfortunately, many 4, 8 or even more-legged creatures share that opinion.   (There are no snakes in Hawaii, though--not even at the zoo.)  When a sugar cane field is burned at harvest time, it leaves a lot of homeless field mice who decide to bunk with you—just until they can find another apartment.  (I have to admit they were sort of cute when their little paws & noses would suddenly appear over the top of the drapes, like a tiny, furry Kilroy.)  He had no problem getting rid of those.  He would have ME bait & set a trap & when WE caught one, he would tell ONE OF OUR SONS to take it outside & throw it in the trash.   He WOULD kill cockroaches for me, though!

Bud was on Oahu studying to take the Hawaii Bar Exam when I flew over from Maui to visit him for a few days.  I left our kids with my sister-in-law & her 3 kids.  Right after I left, a nearby cane field was burned & in came our new “tenants”.  Nat didn’t have the heart to kill them—she cries at Walt Disney movies—so she had my boys trap them under a glass, take them outside & release them.  That didn’t work.  They came back in.  Where did she think they were before they came into our house the first time?


They're not much bigger than this:

Millipedes were another story.  This is the foolproof method he devised to get rid of those 6" intruders.  He would yell, "Fran!  There's a millipede on the ceiling!!"  They seemed to like to hang out (literally) right over our bed.  I would come running in with my stun gun (can of hairspray) & zap the uninvited guest.  If you keep pressing down on the lever until you've painted them white, they die & fall off the ceiling.  Then I would pick them up & dispose of them.

I have NO idea how they get
all those little shoes on!

We once stayed at a resort whose name I can't remember on an island I can't remember.  It may have been Kona Village, but I'm not sure.  It was in a beautiful lagoon & the "rooms" were individual one-room huts with grass thatched roofs.  There were only two ways of getting there--boat or plane.  Meals were served in the "longroom"--a dining hall.  Everyone was warm & friendly & it was very picturesque.  I loved it--until we went to bed.  It felt like there were thousands of 2" kamikaze pilots on maneuvers.  There was no insect spray in our hut so I went to the office to borrow some.  They said I shouldn't kill the insects--that they were our friends.  I told them I was all grown up & old enough to choose my own friends.  We didn't stay there for very long.


These invasions were not limited to the tropics.  We were in a beautiful old hotel--I think it was in Austria.  They had lovely sheer lace curtains & a fluffy feather comforter.  The only  thing they didn't have that I would have liked was window screens.  The bellman showed us to our room, turned on the lights & then I opened the window to air it out.  We went out to dinner almost immediately, leaving the room as it was.  When we came back the comforter & the curtains had a thick coating of insects.  I don't know where they came from--we didn't see any outside.  I don't remember, but I think they must have moved us to a different room.

I'm really not complaining.  Bud is every bit as brave as I need him to be.  He hired a service that sprays our home monthly for bugs!








         This video doesn't really fit in with the "My Hero" theme, but I loved it & had to show it to you.  I bet there's not a live bug anywhere on the floor when they're through!!
How do you avoid infection from biting insects?  That's easy--don't bite them!----fishducky

  
  



Friday, November 23, 2012

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER


Some of you young punks fine, upstanding young people might wonder if those of us who are on in years still enjoy playing games.  The answer to that is a resounding YES!!  Of course, some changes might have to be made because of our senility limited capabilities.   Following are some childhood games & today’s options, which still allow us hours of fun.                                   

What we used to play:

What we play now:                                    

1.      Tag, you’re it.

            Sag, you’re it.                                                          

2.      Pin the tail on the donkey.

            Pin the toupee on the bald guy.                        

3.      Twenty Questions.

Twenty Questions shouted into your good ear.

4.      Red rover, red rover, can I come over?

Red rover, red rover, the nurse says bend over.

5.      Kick the can.

Kick the bucket.

6.      Duck, duck, goose.

Doc, doc, goose.

7.      Simon says.

Simon says something incoherent.

8.      Musical chairs.

Musical recliners.

9.      Hide and go seek.

Hide and go pee.

10. Spin the bottle.

Spin the bottle of Mylanta.

Actually, we can still lead a very full life & are able to continue doing the things we’ve always done. 

       We can still have fun:  
         

We’re able to do our own shopping:


We’re very good drivers:
  

I have to admit doctor’s visits are a little different:


Our kids may not always see eye to eye with us:

                                    
                                              But we know we always look good:




Many of us still lead a very active sex life:

   

Do you think he looks like Abe Vigoda?


Unfortunately, as you get older, it’s more difficult to keep pets:

I have to go now.  They’re serving Jello tonight here at Shady Rest & I don’t want to miss it----fishducky















   

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

ALL ABOARD! THE BUS TO DECREPITVILLE IS LEAVING IN 5 MINUTES!



On my way to Decrepitville,  I've had to pass through some unpleasant places like Boy, It's Hot In Here Town & the overly populated Where Are My Glasses City.  I finished with the change of life long ago (although I'm not sure I like what I've changed into) & had cataract surgery so I can now read the eye chart at the DMV.  I guess because my ears are as old as the rest of me, I now find myself in a land where everybodytalkslikethis!  I don't have trouble with hearing it but I have a problem separating the words.  I'm able to get enough of the words to determine it's some form of English.  Something like this:


I feel like Jeremy's mom:


I'd rather be here than in Decrepitville:


How your kids see you:

And some more cartoons about geezers those of us of a certain age:







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On a different subject (Hey--I AM fishducky!!  You expected it, right?):

I'm tired of the old boring outgoing message on our answering machine.  I've got my new choices narrowed down to two.  Which one do you prefer?

"Hello, I'm fishducky's answering machine.  What are you?"

Or

"Hello, you've reached fishducky.  I have ESP.  I know who you are & what you want, so at the sound of the beep, please hang up."

On an even different(er) subject, my cousin Arlene is my hero.  She was out to dinner with her husband & another couple.  When the waiter brought the dessert tray to their table, she & her friend just looked at each other & Arlene asked, "Shall we?"  Her friend said, "Yes!"  They had one of everything on the tray!  Sort of like this, only they shared:

For Thanksgiving tomorrow:



Those of my tribe (Jews) should really appreciate this:




There are SO MANY subjects out there, how can I be expected to stay on just one?
----fishducky


Rita of soulcomfortcorner thinks I should change this:


to this--what do you think?


Yesterday (11/20/12) that sweet young thing, Inger, put some of my artwork on her blog.  You can check it out here.