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Friday, November 9, 2012

MARTHA STEWART DOESN’T LIVE HERE





I'm thinking of freshening up our front door area with a new doormat. I found some wonderful ones.  Which do you prefer?
     


I’m sort of leaning towards this one.
It sounds businesslike:

          When our boys were very small they shared a room.  Their twin beds were against the walls in the shape of an “L”.  The head of Matt’s bed was next to the bedroom door.  He liked to swing the door back & forth.  Sometimes (apparently more often than I realized) it would hit the wall.  One day he called us into his room to show us his “accomplishment”.  He pointed out where he had rammed the door into the wall so many times that there was now a hole in the wall.  He proudly said, “Look!  I made a space for the doorknob.”  He did not take up decorating as his career.

          Speaking of decorating, or redecorating, for those of you who want to change wallpaper, here’s something you might try.  (Strangely enough, I don’t believe Martha Stewart has ever suggested this.)  A friend of ours—NOT Bud—we’ll call him “Daddy”—had been to a party the night before & was quite hung over.  Early in the morning, he was awakened by his very young son calling “Daddy!”  He yelled at his son to go back to sleep.  Again, “Daddy!”   Again, “Go back to sleep!”  Over & over, until the boy stopped.  His son’s problem was that he had to go potty, specifically, to pee.  A lot.  Since his father was no help, he had to solve his problem himself.  So he did.  He lowered his pajama bottoms & diaper & peed on the wall.  Then, to his amazement, he discovered that his urine had loosened the wallpaper.  All he had to do to peel it off was to scrape it with his fingernail.  So he did.  When “Daddy” was finally able to get up he went into his son’s room & found a section of wallpaper-less wall about 3 feet square.  As I said, you could try this, but you’d probably have to get your husband to reach the higher places.


          Not another handy hint, but the last story brought back memories of my daughter’s toilet training days.  (She is 52 now & completely trained.  This incident happened a while back.)  I tried very hard to stop swearing when she started to talk & was reasonably successful.  Unfortunately, I cut my finger badly while I was preparing dinner.  I reflexively said, “Shit!”  I guess she heard me.  She then went to use the potty by herself.  She tried to urinate standing up.  After all, if her daddy could do it, why couldn’t she?  Then she found out why.  Her little legs were all wet.  She said “Shit!” just as her daddy was getting home from work & walking by the open bathroom door.  He told her that we don’t talk that way in our house.  She said, “Mommy does!”
          And that, of course, made me remember another swearing story.  When Blake was about 2, his sister was about to transition, or “cross the bridge”, from Brownies to Girl Scouts.  I was her Brownie leader.  I decorated a mirror with a bridge & some Brownie figures.  Blake saw it & said, “Dat pwetty.”  I said, “Thank you.”  He asked, “Dat fo’ us?”  I said, “No.  It’s for the Brownies.”  He lowered his head & walked away mumbling, “Ev’wy damn t’ing in dis house fo’ Bwownies!”



         Until next time---- fishducky 


       




24 comments:

  1. Now this....was laugh out loud funny. It takes some doing to make me laugh out loud at something I have read. As for the doormats? I do like the last one but the first is my favorite.

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  2. From now on, ONE funny story per post, I don't know which to comment on...OK, the pee thing is great.

    All good, I like the "Nice Underware."

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    1. There's no holding me back when i'm on a roll!

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  3. LOL! such funny stories :) Just what I needed today. thank you :)

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    1. You're VERY welcome--& they're ALL true!

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  4. I'd choose the "Nice Underwear" doormat.

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  5. Glad your daughter is trained at last, sometimes you think it'll never happen, don't you? :)

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  6. I finally got her to understand--you can't get married until you're toilet trained (& her adult daughters understand, too)!! You've just got to find the right incentive!

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  7. Oh, you made me laugh so hard, I had to go....

    For some reason, the first doormat appealed to my solitary self.

    Have a great weekend and thank you so much for bringing laughter into our lives.

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  8. Martha doesn't even visit here. She's scared of me.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Why do I not find that difficult to believe?

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  9. I do not like to swear, but once in Bombay I could not help because the customer service guy was acting like he was the owner of the airlines just because he had the access to the internet, ( back then there was no WiFi). We just wanted to make sure our seats to the flight to JFK were booked.

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  10. I could have used the last doormat when I was working nights( to make sure it is day time in China) and needed to sleep in during the first half of the day.

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  11. Love the doormats. And the Martha Stewart advice that even Martha Stewart could NEVER have imagined!

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    1. Who knows what's going on in the deep, dark recesses of her mind?

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  12. Dear Fishducky, I so enjoy hearing stories about what children say and do! And you have such a good memory about those times when your children "cracked you up"!!!! The word that many in the 40s used for a toddler like Blake would be "pistol." I heard people say "Isn't he a pistol!" often about my little brother when I was growing up. Peace.

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    1. Blake was a toddler in the 60's--it was still true!!

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  13. Oh yes! They listen to every word we say! LOLOL! ;)

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    1. They only hear what we don't want them to--they NEVER hear, "Clean up your room!"

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.