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Monday, December 3, 2012

I BET NOBODY LIVES AT YOUR HOUSE

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            If you have kids, I’m pretty sure “Nobody” lives at your house.  Oh, sure, there’s you, your spouse (or maybe your significant other) & your children, but what about “Nobody”?  Maybe you were him when you were growing up.  He also goes by the name of “Not Me” or, if it’s a girl, “Ida Know”.  I’m talking about the evil soul who decorates your walls with crayon or puts the cat in the dryer—you know, things your angels would NEVER do!  In the early 70’s, Bud & I went on a cruise & my parents moved in to take care of the kids while we were away.  While we were gone, “Nobody” apparently stopped by—we returned to find a hole, exactly the size of our new darts, in our living room window.  Guess who did it?  That’s right—Nobody!  There was no crack, just a hole.  We got an estimate to have it repaired—the glazier told us it would probably crack & fall out very soon—but it was way out of our budget.  The window stayed crack-free until we changed out all our windows, about 10 years ago--& we’ve had some pretty strong earthquakes.




I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened with flies, too.

            Before the days of smart phones or the internet—but after dinosaurs—my friend Barbara asked me to do her a favor.  She wanted me to pick up a package (that she had paid for in advance) at a small boutique.  They asked her how they could identify me.  (I don’t remember why my driver’s license wouldn’t have been enough.)  She told them to have me draw a duck.  They laughed, but said OK.  I drew this & got the package—no problem.


            My friends & I used to play pitch & putt golf once a week where “the boys” (half a dozen guys, average age 75 or so) hung out.  I was in my 40’s.  One of them had been eyeing me.  He came over & said, “You must have been a knockout when you were young!”  I didn’t know whether to kiss him or set his nose hairs on fire.
            Would you believe we used to be able to use my father as a clock?   More specifically, as a sundial.  Daddy loved to go to Las Vegas & shoot craps.  At 9:00 pm, he would be standing erect at the table.  As the evening wore on he would start to bend at the waist.  Lower & lower he would go as the hours passed.  Around midnight his top was at about a 30º angle to his legs.  By 4:00 am, the angle was about 60º.  That’s when we would get him & take him to our room.  Daddy really enjoyed gambling, but he had the right attitude.  He only allowed himself to lose “entertainment” money—never grocery or rent money.  He said that he could never understand why someone would play at a poker or blackjack table for hours & then complain that they lost.  He said that they pay for a ticket to be entertained at a play or movie & to him, that was the same thing.

              Some random cartoons to go with a random post:





            Someone I know was born with an undescended testicle, which was corrected by surgery.  If that hadn’t have been an available option, this would probably have been his theme song.

            


          Sometimes my brain wanders, & sometimes it just hides----fishducky


  

20 comments:

  1. Nobody moved out with my kids.

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  2. Thankfully my house hasn't been infiltrated by Nobody yet... I do enough on my own!

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    Replies
    1. It will be when you have kids--but it's not as bad as having spiders!

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  3. If your wandering brain runs into mine somewhere pls send it back to me. When I shake my head these days it sounds like a pair of maracas.

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    Replies
    1. I'll tell mine to do that if I ever see it again!

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    2. Boomer, I hope fishducky doesn't mind if I use her blog to communicate with you, but for some reason I can't access your blog. I'll keep trying.

      Love,
      Janie

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  4. Dear Fishducky, as always.....I laughed. Peace from Ms. Nobody!

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  5. I have two Nobodies with FUR!

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    Replies
    1. But they're so cute you HAVE TO forgive them!!

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  6. My puppies don't bother to claim they didn't do something naughty. All I have to do is give them The Look, and guilt spreads across their faces immediately. All three of them, even if only one misbehaved. I guess the other two think of themselves as accomplices.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they weren't guilty of that particular thing, they probably did something else!

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  7. What a funny post! Nobody does a lot at my place, too!

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    Replies
    1. Nobody really gets around, doesn't he?

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  8. Cats are practiced at not accepting blame. Nobody didn't live at my house. Only one child. Life was simple as he had no one to blame--LOL! :)

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    Replies
    1. It might have been easier for him if he could have blamed his mischief on Nobody!

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  9. FROM MELYNDA:

    This cracked me up all those people live in my house. Who emptied the milk and left it in the fridge? Not me!
    Who farted? Nobody. Must have been the dog. Oh ya same people annihilate my house. Those guys get around!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.