Follow

Friday, December 7, 2012

IS YOUR MOTHER WEARING RED?

I don’t know if it’s just here in the L.A. area or not, but I’ve noticed that the female weather reporters on the local stations are getting sexier.  They are CERTAINLY dressing sexier.  My husband & I now refer to them as the “Weather Sluts”.  There used to be a bridal shop next door to a café we frequented for breakfast.  Their wedding gowns were OK, but we saw a red satin dress we couldn’t believe.  So tacky!  We figured it was for the Mother of the Slut.


Our son took us, his family & his in-laws to the Cayman Islands & we visited Sting Ray City.  In this area, the water is calm, clear as glass & about waist high.  You stand in the water surrounded by hundreds of sting rays.  (Yes, it was a sting ray that killed Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter.  He got stung in the heart.)  These were very docile & as long as you didn’t get them excited you were perfectly safe.  They’re used to human contact & associate it pleasantly with food.  It was a weird feeling to have them swim through & brush against your legs!  You could even pick them up (they feel like a wetsuit) as long as you used both hands & held them on your lower arms like a heavy tray.  Did you know their faces are on the bottom of their heads?  We went snorkeling later in a different part of the Caymans.  I’d never seen so many beautifully colored fish.  What a wonderful trip that was!


Bud & I were at Crater Lake, in Oregon.  It’s in the caldera of an extinct volcano & when it’s not ruffled by wind, the water’s surface is like a mirror.  It is a stunning sight.  The roads had been cleared of snow the day before we went.  We were standing by ourselves looking at the gorgeous lake when I said to Bud, “I wonder how deep the snow is?”  All of a sudden a shovel pops up not two feet from us & a voice comes from an unnoticed hole in the snow & says, “This deep!”


My grandmother absolutely adored Bud.  The two of us were at her house for dinner one night & she had put a tablecloth on her Formica table.  I said that I had been eating there for years & I NEVER saw a cloth on that table.  She told me sternly it was NOT for me.  I pouted & said, “Bubby, you used to like me” & she said, “You used to be my granddaughter.”  I asked, “What am I now?”  She put her hand on Bud’s shoulder, smiled & said, “Now you’re HIS wife!”  I could swear I heard the word “HIS” in capital letters--& with harps playing!       More “Bubbyisms”: She always used to say, “forth & back”, never “back & forth”.  I guess she figured (& rightly so) you had to get there before you could return.  Maxwell House ran an ad campaign announcing their instant coffee was made with “coffee buds”.  She wouldn’t drink it—she thought they said “coffee bugs”.  The Yiddish diminutive of a name is made by putting “ela” on the end—Jack would be Jackela.  I met a girl named Pamela & brought her to meet Bubby.  She asked, “What am I supposed to call her—Pamelaela?”  When I was growing up she had a bird that talked.   Like my grandmother, the bird had a Yiddish accent. 
When Sizzler Restaurants first opened, they didn’t have waiters.  You picked up your own food & brought it to your table.  I used to go there fairly often for dinner with the kids if my husband was working late.  Normally, they had no problem in getting our orders correct.  This particular night was another story.  I have 3 children & 2 of their orders were wrong.  I didn’t find out the second was wrong until I returned to the table with the first corrected order, so back I went.  I came back to discover that mine was wrong, too!  I didn’t have either the energy or the patience to make a third trip, so I asked my 8 year old son, who had finished his meal, to do it for me.  I waited, in my red pants-suited splendor, for him to return.  When he did, he told me the cook asked him, “Is your mother wearing red?”

Yes, this IS me.  Why did you even have to ask?


             HAPPY HANUKKAH TOMORROW!!



A holiday dilemma:

You know how most packages say "Open here"--what is the protocol if the package says  "Open somewhere else"?----fishducky 


  



17 comments:

  1. Happy Hanukkah to you and Bud! I loved to read about your grandmother and, of course, she knew you married a wonderful and kind man. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  2. From MELYNDA:
    Happy Hannekah (sorry if I misspelled it) to you my friend! No my mom isn't wearing red thank you very much. Can you imagine MY mom in anything remotely inappropriate? How she had a daughter like me I don't know.
    As for Steve Irwin here's a funny story. His show was always a favorite in our house and he is one of the few celebrities I actually felt sad about when he died. (Him and Ronald Regan.)
    Anyway we often quote Steve. Meaghan is NOT a morning person. Never has been. You do NOT wake her up. The other day Kyle woke her up and she snapped at him.. He came out with his eye's bugging out of his head and said in a perfect Steve Irwin imitation
    "She's angry! I'm gonna poke 'er." and he walked back towards her room! I had to stop him before WW3 was launched but I was laughing my butt off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think you CAN misspell Hanukkah unless you use the wrong Hebrew letters!

      Delete
  3. My face is on the bottom of my butt. I always have to be different. The Hurricane often says she wishes she didn't look like me so she could pretend not to know me. Happy Haukkah!

    Love,
    Janiela

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe our online relationship is for the best--I'd hate to be near you if you had to cough or sneeze (or blow your nose)!!!

      Delete
  4. I like your description of your trip to the Caymans...snorkelling in warm clear water with those colourful fish is a delight (I tried it in Cairns, Australia and the Cook Islands)

    My favourite is a red Basque.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not normally a fan of ocean swimming but they were so beautiful I couldn't NOT do it!!

      Delete
  5. That "how deep is the snow" moment made me laugh out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Fishducky, I'm writing this on Saturday morning, so Happy Hanukkah to you too!!! It's overcast here with the temperatures going down into the low thirties. All somewhat gloomy, but your posting today, especially the cartoon with the reindeer and his hanukkah candles made me grin. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep warm--snuggle up with your kitties!!

      Delete
  7. You are a braver woman than this old broad. I lived along the ocean for 25 years and those sting things scared the begeebbers out of me.Bet it was a nice family trip.

    So that is Fran in the slut dress. You are one limber cookie. Standing in a slut rose, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That picture in the red dress--it was taken several weeks ago (I WISH)!!!!

      Delete
  8. Happy Hanukkah my friend. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.