PREGNANCY
Q & A
(Maggie
at PADDED CELL CONFESSIONS posted this but I liked it so much I stole it.)
1. Should I have a baby over 35?
---No, 35 children is
enough.
2. I’m 2 months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
---With any luck,
right after he finishes college.
3. What is the most reliable method
to determine a child’s sex?
---Childbirth.
4. My wife is 5 months pregnant
& so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
---So what’s your
question?
5. My childbirth instructor says
it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
---Yes, in the same
way that a tornado might be called an air current.
6. When is the best time to get an
epidural?
---Right after you
find out you’re pregnant.
7. Is there any reason I have to be
in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
---Not unless the
word “alimony” means anything to you.
8. Is there anything I should avoid
while recovering from childbirth?
---Yes, pregnancy.
9. Do I have to have a baby shower?
---Not if you change
the baby’s diaper very quickly.
10. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel & act
normal again?
---When the kids are in college.
Are computers masculine or feminine? It depends on who you ask.
Men
say they’re feminine because:
1.
No one besides their creator
understands their internal logic.
2. The language they use to
communicate with each other is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3.
Even the smallest mistakes are
stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.
4.
As soon as you make a commitment
to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Women
say they’re masculine because:
1.
In order for them to do anything
you have to turn them on.
2.
They have a lot of data but still
can’t think for themselves.
3.
They are supposed to help you
solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4.
As soon as you commit to one you
realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better
model.
Why isn’t a
toothbrush called a “teethbrush”? It’s
actually logical. You use it to brush more
than one tooth. When someone says they had their hair cut, I’m
tempted to ask, “Which one?” And why
isn’t the plural of spouse “spice”?
Having “spice” should certainly add it to your marriage!
And some more things
I’ve always wanted to know:
1.
Why do doctors leave the room
when you undress? Aren’t they going to
see you naked, anyway?
2.
If you get to the end of the
universe, is there a fence?
3.
If you are asked in court if you
will swear to tell the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth, what
would happen if you said “No”?
4.
If women with large breasts work
at Hooters, do women with one leg work at IHOP?
5.
If money doesn’t grow on trees,
why do banks have branches?
6.
When lightning strikes the ocean,
why don’t all the fish die?
7.
Why don’t woodpeckers get
headaches when they slam their heads against a tree all day?
8.
Do sheep get static cling when
they rub against each other?
9.
How can a spy tell when he runs
out of invisible ink?
10. Why
do they call it “getting your dog fixed” when it doesn’t work anymore after
you’ve had it done?
One more question;
will you be back next time?----fishducky
PS--If you didn't get enough laughs today, read Melynda's books--JUST NONSENSE & MORE NONSENSE. Funny stuff!!
PS--If you didn't get enough laughs today, read Melynda's books--JUST NONSENSE & MORE NONSENSE. Funny stuff!!
