Janice Horton is throwing her SPELLBINDINGLY FUN BLOG PARTY today, & I promised to participate, so here's my spell. You can go to her blog here.
LAMENT OF AN OLD WITCH
Take a cup of olive oil,
Bring it slowly to a boil.
Add feather of a golden eagle,
Three fleas taken from a beagle,
Some magic crystals, finely chopped.
Cook it 'til it starts to pop.
Elephant hair & eye of newt,
I think that I'll throw in some fruit.
Pickled pig's foot, heart of lizard,
And just a teensy piece of gizzard.
A little pasta would be swell,
I'll just have to stir it well.
Oh, my stars, it's as I feared;
My memory has disappeared.
What was I brewing, a magic potion
Or dinner? I haven't the foggiest notion!
And now, today's post:
Sit down. What I’m going to tell you may come as a
shock. I AM NOT PERFECT! Let me give you some of the VERY FEW
examples of this.
When I was about 4--I remember
being perfect until that time--my brother was ill & the doctor was coming
over to examine him. (Ask your parents what the archaic term “house call”
means. Or your grandparents.) I was in our backyard doing some genteel
ladylike thing such as climbing a tree or possibly digging a hole. My mother came & got me & dragged
led me into the house so she could clean me up in preparation for the doctor’s
visit. She took a washcloth &
scrubbed my face. This did not go over
too well with me. According to my
mother, I screamed at her, “PUT THAT DIRT BACK ON MY FACE!!”
We
used to go to Acapulco with friends every year. We always stayed at Hotel Las Brisas. Las Brisas consists of about 250 “casitas”
(little free-standing houses). Each one
has its own fenced in privacy pool where you could go skinny dipping without
being seen by anyone. Early every
morning someone would come, clean out the old flowers & toss a few fresh
hibiscuses in the pool. (One day I told
Bud I was very upset that I couldn’t use the pool yet. He asked me why & I told him the flower
man was late. Yesterday’s flowers were
still in the pool!) Bud & I had
finished our room service lunch & had put the tray outside the gate so it
could be picked up & we could skinny dip without interruptions. Someone came to get the tray & I heard
some rattling of dishes & glassware.
We had been married between 20 & 25 years at the time, but as they
say, old habits die hard. When I heard
the noise outside the gate & realized we were naked & in the pool
together, I had a terrifying thought: “Oh, my God, my MOTHER is coming!”
Las Brisas
Another time I (may) have been
guilty: I was driving with my 3 year old
daughter & infant son in the backseat.
I drove through an intersection & was pulled over by a policeman. I asked him why he had stopped me & he
told me I had run a red light. I
honestly told him that I hadn’t—that the light was amber & changing when I
went through. My helpful (?) daughter
piped up, “No, Mommy, it was red!” It’s
always nice to have a witness--however, I would have preferred one who was on
my side. I got the ticket.
And
then there was the time I was feeling put upon, unappreciated & totally
exhausted—in other words, completely normal
for someone with 3 children, all under the age of 6. I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to get away. I HAD TO RUN AWAY!! I couldn’t leave the kids alone so I piled
them in the backseat of the car & strapped them in to keep them from
killing each other. I understand that
there is a secondary (& therefore of lesser importance) benefit to seat
belts. It helps keep them safe. They asked where we were going. I told them “I DON’T KNOW!!!!!” & not to say another word. I drove.
Anywhere. We ended up at an ice
cream parlor about 5 miles from the house. So the trip wouldn’t be a total loss, we all
went in & had sundaes. They wanted
to know why I had taken them out for a treat but I wouldn’t allow them to talk
yet.
Shut
up & eat your ice cream----fishducky
