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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING TV



TV can be very educational.  If i hadn't watched TV, I'd never have known that:

--There will always be a parking spot directly in front of any building you want to visit.


--If you are alone & surrounded by a group of ninjas intent on taking you down with martial arts, they will patiently wait their turn & attack you one at a time.

--It takes too long for lab tests to be completed, unless you are at NCIS.


--Cuts & contusions heal in a few minutes.  Broken bones may take an hour.


--Streets are wet & shiny at night even if it hasn't rained.


--Doctors must wear stethoscopes at all times so people will know they are doctors.


--Cars can easily make 20 to 30 foot jumps just by using mounds of dirt or cheap wooden planks.  When they land, the car sustains no damage at all.  

--Foreign speakers (including alien beings) speak English when they are alone.

--If you need a particular celebrity for a school show or prom, they will be in your town at exactly the right time.

--If you are in Paris, you will always have a view of the Eiffel Tower.

--If you need to see a news story on TV, it will be starting at the exact  moment you turn the set on.

--You & 5 or 6 of your friends will always find an empty table in the center of a coffee shop, even during high traffic hours.

--If you're a good guy, you will never run out of ammunition.

--Groceries come in a plain brown paper bag & are required to have crusty bread & leafy green vegetables sticking out.

--In a high speed chase, traffic is spaced so that the bad guy & the police can weave in & out.











I used to watch a lot of TV.   Now about the only show I watch with any regularity is "Jeopardy!".  Did you know that if you record it & fast forward through the
commercials & the interviews, the show is only about 15 minutes long?  Some funnies about it:






I'll get back to you when the show's over----fishducky