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If you have kids, I’m pretty sure
“Nobody” lives at your house. Oh, sure,
there’s you, your spouse (or maybe your significant other) & your children,
but what about “Nobody”? Maybe you were
him when you were growing up. He also
goes by the name of “Not Me” or, if it’s a girl, “Ida Know”. I’m talking about the evil soul who decorates
your walls with crayon or puts the cat in the dryer—you know, things your
angels would NEVER do! In the early
70’s, Bud & I went on a cruise & my parents moved in to take care of
the kids while we were away. While we
were gone, “Nobody” apparently stopped by—we returned to find a hole, exactly
the size of our new darts, in our living room window. Guess who did it? That’s right—Nobody! There was no crack, just a hole. We got an estimate to have it repaired—the
glazier told us it would probably crack & fall out very soon—but it was way
out of our budget. The window stayed
crack-free until we changed out all our windows, about 10 years ago--&
we’ve had some pretty strong earthquakes.
I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened with
flies, too.
Before
the days of smart phones or the internet—but after dinosaurs—my friend Barbara
asked me to do her a favor. She wanted
me to pick up a package (that she had paid for in advance) at a small
boutique. They asked her how they could
identify me. (I don’t remember why my
driver’s license wouldn’t have been enough.)
She told them to have me draw a duck.
They laughed, but said OK. I drew
this & got the package—no problem.
My
friends & I used to play pitch & putt golf once a week where “the boys”
(half a dozen guys, average age 75 or so) hung out. I was in my 40’s. One of them had been eyeing me. He came over & said, “You must have been
a knockout when you were young!” I
didn’t know whether to kiss him or set his nose hairs on fire.
Would
you believe we used to be able to use my father as a clock? More specifically, as a sundial. Daddy loved to go to Las Vegas & shoot
craps. At 9:00 pm, he would be standing
erect at the table. As the evening wore
on he would start to bend at the waist.
Lower & lower he would go as the hours passed. Around midnight his top was at about a 30º angle to his legs. By 4:00 am, the angle
was about 60º. That’s when we would get
him & take him to our room. Daddy
really enjoyed gambling, but he had the right attitude. He only allowed himself to lose
“entertainment” money—never grocery or rent money. He said that he could never understand why
someone would play at a poker or blackjack table for hours & then complain
that they lost. He said that they pay
for a ticket to be entertained at a play or movie & to him, that was the
same thing.
Some random cartoons to go with a random post:
Some random cartoons to go with a random post:
Someone
I know was born with an undescended testicle, which was corrected by
surgery. If that hadn’t have been an
available option, this would probably have been his theme song.
Sometimes my brain wanders, & sometimes it just hides----fishducky
