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Monday, January 21, 2013

HARK! I HEAR A BABBLING FISHDUCKY!!





Not that my usual conversations make much more sense, but I was talking to myself a couple of days ago & I couldn't hear what I was saying because I was mumbling.  I asked myself (not too politely, I guess) to speak up & I was told, "You don't have to yell at me!" & now we're not speaking. I guess that was normal.  For me.   Never mind.  (Note: Speaking to oneself is common & not in any way a cause for concern.  It’s when you ask yourself a question & then say, “What?” that you should start worrying.)
There may not be a ladies’ Viagra, but did you know that there are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women?  It’s true.  Chief among these devices is the Mercedes Benz 380sl convertible.

Women, do you hate to try on new clothes in a store’s dressing room? Maybe you should shop here:

                           


I like businesses that have a sense of humor.  I have actually seen these trucks with their slogans:
CULVER CITY MEAT & PROVISION—“You Can’t Beat Our Meat"
ARROGANT BASTARD ALE—“You’re Not Worthy”

These (from outwestnewspaper.com) are professed to be real.  I have no reason to doubt them:
ART”S ELECTRIC--“Let Us Remove Your Shorts”
    HOGAN’S WINDOW CLEANING—“Your Pane is Our Pleasure”
         SLIM”S SANITATION—“We’re #1 in the #2 Business”
    ACME RADIATOR—“The Best Place in Town to Take a Leak”
         AMAZING ELECTRICS—“If it Works, it’s Amazing”
     FLORENCE GLASS SERVICE—Give Us a Break”
         GLENN”S PASTRIES—“Get Your Buns in Here”
         (& my personal favorite)
    WILLET'S WINCHING—“Can’t Get it Up?”


These are not current business slogans or signs (as far as I know) but I think they should be:

VET”S WAITING ROOM—“Back in 5 Minutes.  Sit!  Stay!”
         MATERNITY HOSPITAL DOOR—“Push, Push, Push!”

BRAKE SHOP—“Free Brake Check.  Stop Here if You Can”

         ELECTROLUX VACUUMS—“Nothing Sucks Like an Electrolux”

FUNERAL HOME—“Drive Carefully.  We’ll Wait”




 We have a friend who used to own a supermarket whose slogan was, "Lowest in price, highest in quality".  He once showed us a flyer he had printed every week.  That particular week, the printer must have hired a new proofreader.  I assume he hired another the following week because in the flyer he showed us the slogan read, “Lowest in price, lowest in quality”!!
           

Here’s an inspirational story sent to me by JANIE JUNEBUG at WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME (dumpedfirstwife.blogspot.com):

THE PASTOR’S ASS

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in 
another race, and it won again.
The local paper read:

   PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. 
The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.  The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.  The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted!  He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  The next day the papers read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey & lead it to the plains where it could run wild.  The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW WILD & FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is: Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief & misery.  It can even shorten your life.  So be yourself & enjoy life to the fullest.  Stop worrying about everyone else's ass & you'll be a lot happier & live longer!



No brains were used harmed in the writing of this post----fishducky


23 comments:

  1. That story is awesome. Somehow I missed it. My brother know a guy whose company is called KRAP co.

    It's his initials (KRA) and the P stands for pumping. It's a septic company. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I once saw a plumber's van lettered with "you don't have to sleep with that drip tonight" :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. The ass's story was so good I read it to my hubby, he's still cracking up, that Janie is incredible....My personal favorite was the Electrolux vacuum cleaner, you could cheer up a dead man with your posts, love ya :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I used to pass an ad for a lawyer everyday who was named

    I.M. Zamost. Never knew if it was for real or not.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love the story. The ladies Viagra substitute is also great. Nice post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Viagra substitute works amazingly well!!

      Delete
  6. My ass feels so good. Sit! Stay!

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah, Anonymous. You said it all, baby. Come back soon to congratulate the man.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I deleted his comment. If only it were that easy with some people you actually meet!!

      Delete
  8. There used to be a dry cleaner's in Maryland that had a sign in the window that said: "Grime doesn't pay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like that, too, but the more suggestive ones get my attention faster!!

      Delete
  9. Dear Fishducky, It's so good to return to reading blogs and fine that your sense of the ridiculous and your humor are still very much intact and evident!! The donkey/ass story made me laugh out loud and the blurbs for the company did as well. Especially this one: "Free brake check. Stop if you can." I so remember trying once to stop on ice and spinning, spinning, spinning as if lost in space.

    I've been away from reading blogs for six weeks. And please do know how much I appreciate your reading and commenting on my two blogs during those six weeks. You are a true friend.

    If there's one or more of your postings from the past six weeks that you'd really like me to read, please let me know. Peace.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good to have you back! I'll check my past posts and email you.

      Delete
  10. From Melynda:

    Loved it! I was a little worried about where you were going with the viagra thing for a minute. lol They do have it for ladies now.. And I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes I'm the only one worth talking to. Why waste time?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can always talk to me, Crazy Lady!! Bud says it's the same thing as talking to yourself!!

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  11. Welcome to the club, Tracy--I'm glad you could attend the meeting!!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.