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Friday, January 11, 2013

THE GOOD & BAD PARTS OF…WHAT WAS I TALKING ABOUT?

In case you can't figure out what they forgot,
it's their bicycle helmets!!

            I know I was going to tell you about something, but I can't remember what it was.  Oh, yes—getting old!  There are many good things about getting old—I just can’t remember what any of them are right now.  This guy explains why:

I hope this video works--& that it's the one I think it is.
I couldn't play a sample, but if it's the song I'm thinking of, it's VERY funny!




I realize that even some parents of infants have problems (but believe me, it gets worse when you & the kids are older):

"You have got to change those diapers every day. When it says six to twelve pounds on the side of the Pampers box, they're not lying. That is all those things will hold."
- Jeff Foxworthy

"Shouldn't there be some kind of relationship between how much a baby eats and how much comes out the other end? It's like at the circus, when they've got the tiny VW Bug but the clowns just keep coming out and out and out... Eventually you learn how to hold your breath like a Hokkaido pearl diver."
- Dennis Miller


This is what can happen after 15 or 20 years of marriage:
The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Giving the birds & bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do

Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's your best friend

Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.






This COULD happen to you:



Or this:
My trip to the grocery

There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.


They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer!





And this COULD happen after a while.
At least, it DID at my house:



I posted this last January on a site that no longer exists.  It will be new to some of you.
Some of you have read it before, but if my theory is true, will not remember it. What are the odds?

Are you familiar with the fishducky theory as to why our memory seems to disappear as we age?  If not, don’t worry.  I’m going to tell you.  What was I talking about?  Oh, yes—memory.  If you subscribe to the theory, as I do, that the brain is like a computer, then you know that it has a finite number of memory bytes.  As we age, gravity pulls these memories down, filling first our feet, then our legs, our bellies & butts (which would also explain why many older people seem to have gained weight in these areas) & finally reach our brains, which eventually become full.  Since humans don’t have a DELETE key, there is simply no room for new memories.  This is why we people “of a certain age” can remember who sat next to us in the third grade but have no idea of what we ate for lunch yesterday.  We are NOT forgetful—WE ARE SIMPLY FULL!! 



How do you think your kids see you?



At least most of us still remember to use good manners.  
We still write thank you notes:


An important point:

If you want to know what it’s like to be REALLY, REALY old, 
watch these videos.  
(They're funnier if you play them in order) :



I’ll be back soon if they let me out of the home.  Where’s my walker?  Where’s my hearing aid?  Where're my teeth?  I don’t know why people keep hiding all my stuff!!----fishducky



16 comments:

  1. Very Funny stuff! I'm going to come back and read it again tomorrow when it will be fresh!

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    1. Good idea! You can learn something new every day, even if it's what you learned yesterday!!

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  2. I just love your posts, you're incredibly funny, and that lady's voice is something else. I think my favorite is the radio letter....:)

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    1. Thank you!! Your check is in the mail!

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  3. That's just more funny than I can handle or remember. Preparation H? That explains a LOT!

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    1. That's why I make notes before I post. You know the beauty cream women put under their eyes to get rid of bags for the evening? I think that's preparation H!!

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  4. The senior moments video works, and it's hilarious. But my favorite part is the thank you note for the radio. It's so true to life. Wait till I write about the roommates in the nursing home who got into fights and actually hit each other!

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I'd love to read it. Did anyone ever make bets on the fights? I know salaries there were very low--someone could have made a few extra bucks as a bookie!

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  5. Always a laugh and a smile. I loved that letter. Nothing better than a Scorpionic revenge. Ha I am resigned to the fact that I'm a redneck, reaffirmed by my thinking Jeff Foxworthy is hilarious.

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    1. Welcome to the club--I love Jeff Foxworthy!!

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  6. Sooo Funny. So much laughter. I try to tell my hubby, but he does not hear well so it takes forever than chances are I might forget the jokes. I tell him it is best if he reads.

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    1. My husband has selective hearing. He can hear everyone but me. Are you sure that's not the problem at your house? Glad you liked it!!

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  7. I think she's enjoying that bicycle ride just a bit too much! :)

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  8. Great post! I noticed I am forgetting more often. Not good. ;)

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    1. As long as you remember that you forgot--I think someone told me that was important, but I don't remember for sure!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.