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Monday, February 18, 2013

JUST ANOTHER AVERAGE DAY...



This is an email sent by one of my Duckies, Carole.  Thank you, Carole!!

Garden snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes--not rattlesnakes!  Here's why:

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants.  During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing several of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that one of those little green snakes was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out & the wife saw it go under the sofa.  She let out a very loud scream.

The husband, who was taking a shower, ran into the living room naked to see what the problem was.  She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands & knees to look for it.  About that time the family dog came in & cold nosed him on the behind.  He thought the snake had bitten him & he screamed & fell over on the floor.  His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still & called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher & started carrying him out.  The snake came out from under the sofa & one of the EMT's saw it & dropped his end of the stretcher.  That's when the man broke his leg & had to spend a some time in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake.  He armed himself with a rolled up newspaper & began poking under the couch.  Soon he decided it was gone & told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

While relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around.  She screamed & fainted & the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just stopped by on her way home from the grocery store, saw them on the floor with her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth, cursed them loudly & slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out & cutting his scalp to the point where he needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint & she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed the snake had bitten him.  She went to the kitchen, got a small bottle of whiskey & began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.  BREATHE HERE...

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey & assumed that a drunken fight had occurred.  They were about to arrest them all, when the woman tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor & his sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa & one of the policemen drew his gun & fired at it.  He missed the snake & hit the leg of the end table.  The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered &, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames & fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped up & raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid hitting it & smashed into the police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes & called the fire department.  The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power & disconnected the telephones in a ten-square block area, but they DID get the house fire put out.

Time passed.  Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police got a new car & all was right in the world.

Some time later the couple was watching TV & the weatherman announced a cold snap for that evening.  The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring their plants in for the night.

And that's when he shot her.
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Have you ever wondered why teenage boys wear their pants so low? 
They have evolved & are actually wearing them at their waists!  

Here is the way their bodies look today:





Even Chairman Mao thought this post was funny



And how are things going with you?----fishducky



33 comments:

  1. I'll never see LMAO the same way again.

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  2. That is why I don't have any snakes...... all my plants are like frozen sticks out in the yard.

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    1. Are you sure they're all plants & not just very stiff snakes?

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  3. Dear Fishducky, things go well here. I'm trying to work on the Antigone novel but I keep getting behind with reading blogs! I am hoping to go and see "The Life of Pi" and "The Silver Lining Play Book" this week. Just in time for the Oscars.

    The snake story seems possible to me because I have a great fear of snakes!!! Peace.

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    1. I think you should do things in the order of their importance! Work on your novel, read my post, go to the movies, read other people's posts...

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    2. Dear Fishducky, yes, I can see--it's a matter of priorities and among the blog, Fishducky comes first!!!! Peace.

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    3. Just make sure you keep your priorities straight!

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  4. My 15 year old son also wears his pants below his waist - drives me nuts. I keep telling him it looks like he is wearing a nappy or had a dump in his pants the way it looks from the back.

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    1. When my son was a teenager in the middle 70's he wore his pants that way, too, & it also drove me nuts. I think the teenage definition of style is anything their parents hate!!

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  5. No matter how many times that snake story goes round I love it. LMAO.

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  6. Just a minute: I need to go check those geraniums I brought in from the porch. But first I'm going to make sure the dog is outside. Oh, wait I don't have a dog. But if I find a garden snake they're harmless, right?

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  7. Favorite Young Man used to wear his pants down low. He also had green hair, six earrings, and a nose ring. Now he wears his pants where they belong and all the piercings are gone. He just has about 20 tattoos. LMAO!

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Mine now has to work in a suit--I wonder how THOSE pants would look down low!!

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  8. That's how I am with spiders! I oddly like snakes though.

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  9. Replies
    1. It probably isn't true--but it IS funny!!

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  10. I might have shot her too. Funny story. I bet stuff like this does happen.

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    1. I wouldn't want to be there when it does!!

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  11. Yay! You're back. Love the 'pants evolution' pictures! So true!

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    1. Back from where--did I go away & not tell me? I've been posting 3 times a week. At least, I think I have!!

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  12. What a chain of events! That had me laughing so hard :)

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    1. I'd rather read about it than live it!!

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  13. DOn't even get me going on those ridiculous pants, I have to endure that every day....Maybe I should be a garden snake to class one of these days...LMAO

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    1. That sounds like it would be a great wake-up call for them!!

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  14. ha ha ha and all for a garden snake!! I would never dare to bring my plants in for the night!! Actually, I would never dare to have a garden!! :D

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    1. I just checked my thumbs--neither one of them is green. No garden for me, either!!

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  15. OMG this is hilarious! ;D I hope it really happened because that's a hell of a story to tell friends ;D

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.