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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

PITY THE POOR PATHETIC PARENTS




Are you thinking of having a baby?  (It takes so long to have one, you may forget why you thought it was a good idea in the first place!)  

First, some NECESSARY definitions:

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed carrots.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone says a dirty word.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it & to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "Get a washcloth!"
SLEEP: A word used in fairy tales.

Telltale signs of being a mother:

Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor & you don't care.
Popsicles have become a food staple.
You can't find your cell phone so you dial the number on your landline & run around the house madly following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
Your favorite TV show is a cartoon.
You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to a telemarketer that called & HE hangs up on YOU!
Your favorite cereal has marshmallows in it.
You go to the market ONLY when you're low on milk--or TV dinners.
Your kid throws up & you catch it.
You're wearing maternity clothes even though your youngest child is 4 years old.
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
Just once, you'd like to go to the bathroom alone.
You only have time to shave ONE leg.


I have to warn you, there's a BIG responsibility in children!



They can be a big responsibility for YOU, too!
They CAN be helpful--most of them are better with computers than we are.



True, they sometimes complain & are hard to handle:















But we know how to cope with that:












We have our dreams for them:

And if that doesn't work out, there's always this:

And this:


They can be awfully cute for a while, though:


"Just go to sleep," said Mama Monster. "There's no child under your bed."
--James Hutchings 


"I've noticed that the one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse."
--Dave Barry

A different point of view:
"It's good to have kids.  It satisfies those maternal feelings, like when I'm lying on the couch & I can't reach the remote control."
--Kathleen Madigan

Erma Bombeck once said, "Grandchildren are God's reward to you for letting your own children live."   I AGREE!!----fishducky




























21 comments:

  1. What a nice early morning treat. The kid in the video is really cute. The dog is very patient indeed. Thanks for your hard work ie putting the post together.:) It's like enjoying a good meal without having to cook.

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    1. So glad you enjoyed your meal!! Are there any leftovers?

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  2. I tell my kids that when you have a baby just accept that your life is on hold for two years. Anytime you get for leisure is just a lucky bonus.

    I don't think they listened.

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  3. Dear Fishducky, all the text as well as the cartoons and the video entertained me on this morning when the barometer is bopping around here on the western edge of Missouri! But the cartoon I especially liked was the one that showed the threat chart on the side of the piece of furniture. That was brilliant!!!! Peace.

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    1. Re the cartoons: I can only take credit for finding them!! I hope the barometer stops bruising your body!!

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  4. Some great stuff here, thank you. I must say that dog was a picture of patience and concern. I'm afraid mine would have been in that puddle in no time.

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  5. Outstanding list of terms. Hearsay: One of my nephews ended up being a single parent for a while. He was quite young. One Saturday his parents had their grandson who sat in his highchair, put up his index finger, and said "buck you."

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Those kinds of things they pick up right away!!

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  6. My youngest is 27; and I'm still in my maternity pants; but then I'm expecting my own grand-septuplets.:)

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    1. Do you even have a due date (or year)?

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  7. From Melynda: Well you just described my life in one postM bravo haha

    Sent from my iPad

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  8. Great collection. Yes, we are poor pathethic parents. But mostly just poor.

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    1. We can't help being poor, but some of the modern parents who let the children run the house are PATHETIC!!

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  9. It's like you're watching my life... but I know you're not doing that, because if you were, you'd have reminded me that we were out of milk. :)

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    1. Yes, I AM considerate that way--& before I forget, You're out of milk!!

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  10. Makes me so happy that I have NEPHEWS!! Branden got a little frustrated at me for sleeping in to 11am the other morning but I told him that I'm just taking full advantage of these few years before we have babies and I'll never sleep again until they are at least teenagers! Argument won :)

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    1. What makes you think you'll sleep when they're teenagers?

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.