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Wednesday, April 17, 2013

MEANINGLESS MUSINGS ON MARRIAGE


I agree with him:

"I'm not into that one-night stand thing.  I think a person should get to know someone & be in love with & even married to them before you use & degrade them."
--Steve Martin

You've got to be careful who you marry, because this could happen:

Or this:

“My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.”  
--Rita Rudner

Or this:

The husband had just finished reading the book, "Man of the House".

He stormed into the kitchen & walked directly up to his wife & pointing a finger in her face, said, "From now on, I want  you to know that I am the man of the house & my word is law.  I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal & when I'm finished eating my meal I expect a scrumptious dessert.  Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me a bath, so I can relax--& when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me & comb my hair?"

His wife said, "The funeral director would be my guess!"

Or this:

Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some time, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem.  "Come on, Liz, admit it," he ranted.  "You only married me because my grandfather left me $6 million, didn't you?"

"You really are silly, Paul," answered Liz.  "I couldn't care less who left it to you!" 

Or even this:

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.  Suddenly he burst into the kitchen.  "Careful.  CAREFUL!  Put in some more butter!  Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.  TOO MANY!  Turn them!  TURN THEM NOW!  We need more butter!  Oh my GOD!  Where are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to stick!  Careful! CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL!  You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!  NEVER! Turn them!  Hurry up!  Are you CRAZY? Have you lost your mind?  Don't forget THE SALT!  THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him.  "What the heck is wrong with you?  You don't think I know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


Watch out--love leads to sex:


Which leads to children:

Which leads to many generations who are somehow related to each other
which I don't understand at all:
Term
Definition
Example
First cousin
The children of two siblings.
Bill and Sally are first cousins because their fathers were brothers.
Second cousin
The children of two first cousins.
Bob and Sarah are second cousins because Bob's father, Bill, and Sarah's mother, Sally, are first cousins.
Third cousin
The children of two second cousins.
Brian and Stephanie are third cousins because Brian's father, Bob, and Stephanie's mother, Sarah, are second cousins.
First cousin once removed
Two people for whom a first cousin relationship is one generation removed.
Bob and his father's first cousin, Sally, are first cousins once removed to each other. They are one generation removed from the common generational relationship between Bob's father (Bill) and Sally.
First cousin twice removed
Two people for whom a first cousin relationship is two generations removed.
Brian and his grandfather's first cousin, Sally, are first cousins twice removed. They are two generations removed from the common generational relationship between Brian's grandfather (Bill), and Sally.
Second cousin once removed
Two people for whom a second cousin relationship is one generation removed.
Brian and his father's second cousin, Sarah, are second cousins once removed. They are one generation removed from the common second cousin relationship between Brian's father (Bob) and Sarah.
Source: Wikipedia


If you carried it to extremes, I guess this could happen:

& then we'd have this:




Perhaps this will give you some insight as to how my brain works:

Here's a schematic diagram of my brain, 
to make it easier for you to understand:


If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click  HERE to buy it on Amazon.


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16 comments:

  1. ha ha ha - really enjoyed these!!

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  2. Can't wait to show Branden these! He'll love them! hehehehe

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    Replies
    1. Let me know if the schematic looks right to him!!

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  3. Seriously funny stuff! Many thanks.

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  4. I think I noticed a loose screw in that schematic.

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  5. I always enjoy my visits here and starting my morning with laughter.

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  6. Oh, yeah. Now I get your way of thinking. Marriage = Danger, Will Robinson

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. As you know, many people have found themselves lost in space!!

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  7. Okay... I actually UNDERSTOOD that chart. Clearly it's time for my kids to come home and create some chaos.

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    Replies
    1. Actually, Bud & I are 5th cousins, but it's OK--I'm going to have him removed!!

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  8. Funny, funny post today but that first one had me snickering a long time. The old bury them while they nap trick. (Didn't Get Smart used to use that?)

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    Replies
    1. Sorry, I couldn't hear you--it must be the Cone of Silence!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.