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Friday, April 19, 2013

PROPER NAMES ARE POETRY IN THE RAW...


...but some of them should have been cooked a little while!



These are REAL people--some of whom have passed away.  Whether they would have lived longer with a different name, I have no idea:

Haralambos T. Haralambos--was in the Army with Bud.
Ima Hogg--daughter of a Texas governor.
Shanda Lear--daughter of Bill Lear, inventor of the Lear Jet.

Sometimes it's not planned to be funny--some true cases in point:

Andy Friese--(pronounced "antifreeze"), a race car driver.
Bud Weiser--a college math professor.
Dick Finder--a urologist.
Dr. & Dr. Doctor--married doctors from CT.
Dr. Look--an opthalmologist.
Dr. Slaughter--a surgeon.
Ernie Coli--(E. coli) owns a restaurant.
Harry Rump--a plumber.

A couple of quick notes:

"My mum was Hazel Nutt.  Her maiden name was Morrison & she married my father, Peter Nutt."

"My name was Susan Frame.  I am a lawyer.  I met & married Robert, who is a banker.  His surname is Mee.  Now we are Sue Mee, a lawyer, & Rob Mee, a banker."


Celebrities are the worst offenders.  Since they are so widely admired, I guess they think whatever they do is clever.  Here's a list of some of the "clever" ones & the names they've saddled their kids with:

Apple----Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin
Rumer/Scout/Tallulah----Bruce Willis & Demi Moore
Bronx Mowgli----Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
Daisy Bo/ Petal Rainbow Blossom----Jamie & Juliette Oliver
Pilot Inspektor----Jason Lee & Beth Reisgraf
Kal-El (Superman's name on Krypton)----Nicolas Cage & Alice Kim
Moxie CrimeFighter/ Zolten----Penn & Emily Jillette
Sparrow James Midnight----Nicole Richie & Joel Madden
Zowie----David & Angela Bowie
Jermajesty----Jermaine Jackson
Fifi Trixibelle/ Little Pixie/ Peaches Honeyblossom----Paula Yates & Bob Geldof
Tiger Lily Heavenly Hirani----Paula Yates & Michael Hutchence
Seven Sirius----Erykah Badu & Andre 3000
Puma Sabti----Erykah Badu & The D.O.C.
Mars Merkaba----Erykah Badu & Jay Electronica
Rocket/ Racer/ Rebel/ Rogue----Robert Rodriguez & Elizabeth Avelian
Prince Michael Joseph, Jr/ Paris Michael/ Prince Michael ll----Michael Jackson
Memphis Eve/ Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q----Bono & Allison Hewson
Moon Unit/ Dweezil/ Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen/ Ahmet Emuukha Rodan----Frank Zappa
AND I can't forget George Foreman, who has 5 sons--ALL NAMED GEORGE!

I'd like to offer my suggestions for the names of the future children of celebrities. At least we'd know what they meant:

The lady pirate: Peg Legg
I'm tired: Adelaide Evening
We're renting a bathroom: The Lieutenants
Employment handbook: Ernie Living
How to break in: Jimmy DeLocke
If you don't want to buy: Lisa Carr
Female criminal: Robyn Banks
Let's eat: X. Benedict
Russian wetback: Yuri Legal
A complainer: Dawn Doothat
Stop the pain: Otis Leghertz
Breaking the law: Kermit A. Kreim
Falling underwear: Lucy Lastic
Missed the deadline: Stew Layt
To be honest: Frank Lee
A helper: Abel N. Willin
I'm fine: Howard Yew
German bank robber: Hans Zupp
Gamblers Anonymous member: Lou Zerr
Mensa man: Gene Yuss
If you don't understand: Alex Blaine Layder


Let's play with their names:
If Oprah Winfrey married Deepak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Tuesday Weld married Frederick March's son, she'd be Tuesday, March the Second.

If Lucille Ball married Vitus Bering (the explorer), she'd be Lucille Ball-Bering.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM) & Norbert Wiener (mathematician) she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.


I wonder if Crayola has considered
making these changes?







~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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28 comments:

  1. ROFL - thats a hilarious set of Names!!
    Wait I want to read this again..

    ReplyDelete
  2. I worked with a woman who changed her last name when she got married to her husband's. Not uncommon. Except his last name was Weirdo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She was our Regional HR director when I worked for Warner Brothers... I suppose we were all a little "Looney"

      Delete
  3. Very funny!

    I had a kid on my LL team named Mike Hunter.

    THere was a sign for a lawyer in town name I. M. Zamost

    And then my favorite made up name on the Howard Stern show
    "Hawood Jablome"

    Real fun post, well done as usual.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No fair--those were funnier than mine!!

      Delete
  4. One DR> WAXMAN used to live two streets away from ours. He was an ENT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That reminds me--I have to have my ears cleaned!!

      Delete
  5. fun post to read- we had a pediatrician by the name of
    Dr Goodnight! And my knee surgeon was Dr McWeeney!
    Have a lovely day!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great names. What are people thinking when they saddle their kids with these?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two possible answers:

      1--They think they're being brilliant, or
      2--They aren't thinking!

      Delete
    2. It is child abuse - nothing less.

      Delete
  7. Parents need to consider what a classroom of students will do when attendance is taken, and their child's name is said. Day after day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe the celebrities' kids will have private tutors!!

      Delete
  8. Too funny! Where do you get all this from? And the celeb kid names are truly weird. In Sweden they went back to using 19th century names when they got tired of the usual fare, here they seem to have gone to some land, far, far away!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Where do I get all this from? From a galaxy far, far away. I am not from your planet, you know!!

      Delete
  9. No matter what we name our kids, the playground bullies will find a way to turn it into a joke. Still that's no reason to give them ammunition. How about my friend who named her dog, Mister. Scared a jogger real bad when she come out in her bathrobe and curlers and yelled, "Mister! come in here right now and get some breakfast!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When our 3 kids were between 7 & 13 years old, we took them & my sister-in-law’s 3 (same ages) on a vacation. The kids assigned everybody imaginary pets. They named Bud’s horse “Damn it”. One day at a restaurant my niece told my husband, “Uncle Buddy, that man just called your horse!”

      Delete
  10. My sister, Laurel, wanted to marry a lawyer named Steve Hardy. Then she was going to change her middle name to And. Such a shame she never even met her Hardy.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  11. Zowie Bowie! LOL! Oh. My. Gosh. Those are hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that would have been a good name for The Zombie Elf!!

      Delete
  12. With a last name of Harrell, and a stout (fat) build in elementary school, it wasn't long before some smart-ass nicknamed me "Harrell the barrel". He was thin as a toothpick split down the middle and his last name was Cox. Oh, how I wish I could go back to the third grade just for one trip to the playground with that twerp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you think about it, he didn't really need a nickname, did he?

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.