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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

TALK TO ME...

C'mon--talk to me!  Animals do it:

video


Talking to each other is usually good.  There ARE exceptions, like when you're getting ready to go out & you've spent an hour or more showering, doing your hair & makeup & getting dressed & your husband looks at you & says, "You're NOT going to wear that, are you?"

More exceptions:
A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." 
The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" 
The first woman asked, "Did it help?"
 
Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing the next morning.


Several years ago, we had a car that talked.  My husband thinks it was either a '69 or '72 Buick.  It would interrupt our conversation with things it considered important such as, "Your washer fluid is low."  These pronouncements were usually greeted with an order of "Shut up, Harry!" from us.  I think it would have been much more useful if we lived in the ghetto.  Of course, it would have to change its name--& its accent.  Imagine getting in the car, turning the key--& NOTHING!  Then "Tyrone" offers an opinion: "I think some mothaf****r stole our batt'ry!" 

I have to admit, Bud & I tend to regard the importance of words differently:

But we NEVER argue:

This is NOT me:

Talking can clear up any questions you might have:

But if you don't talk:



If this happens, you might as well give up:


From Rodney Dangerfield:
I said to my wife, "Come on, honey.  I can't remember the last time we made love." She said, "Well, I can--& that's why we're not!"

How men & women differ in their use of language:
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words "sex" & "love".
The woman wrote: 
"When two mature people are passionately & deeply in love with one another to a high degree & they respect each other very much, like my husband & myself, it is spiritually & morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another."
Her husband wrote:
"I love sex!"

When one of my sons was 5 or 6 years old he asked me an interesting question: "I know about menopause & the change of life, but what happens in between?"

Do your teenage children talk to you, or are they like this?

But later...:


My kids talked to me, thank heavens.  My son was probably 16, & had been dating a while, when this 20 year old asked if she could come over to our house so they could watch TV. We didn't think seeing a 20 year old was a good idea, but we talked to him & ended up permitting it.  Bud & I went to bed & apparently things got out of hand.  He told me what had happened & said he "felt used".  I heard him discussing it with a friend later.  He said, "That's what my mom said." His friend must have expressed surprise at that last statement, because it was followed by, "I discuss EVERYTHING with my mom!"

This is the kind of conversation you DON'T want to have with your husband:
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.  After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, what do you think I could get for one of them?"
Without looking up from his newspaper, John replied, "About 10 years."

One woman said to another, "My neighbor is always talking garbage about her husband, but look at me.  My husband is foolish, lazy, ugly, smelly, rude, obnoxious and a coward, but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

  Sounds like Martian to me!!



You know how, when English speakers don't understand something, they say, "It's all Greek to me."?  I can't find what the Greeks would say, but I DO know what they would say in a few other countries.


A French speaker would say it's Chinese.
An Urdu speaker would say it's Persian.
A Cantonese speaker would say it's English.
A Czech speaker would say it's Spanish.
A Finnish speaker would say it's  Hebrew.
A Persian speaker would say it's Japanese.
An Italian speaker would say it's Arabic.
A Portuguese speaker would say it's Aramaic.
& my favorite:
A Mandarin speaker would say it's Martian.

 And, of course, some cartoons:










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Little Red Riding Hood




I used to be schizophrenic, but we're fine now....fishducky




19 comments:

  1. Damn FD, where do you get the time? All very funny, but my comment is on the very first one,

    I know your husband would NEVER say that!! You have been married way too long and he is way too smart.

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    Replies
    1. We were out to dinner the other day & I told my husband I loved him. He said, "That's nice." I guess that was better than "Who cares?"!!

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  2. when animals talk...that is too awesome. As are you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! can I send you a gift--would you prefer money or a new car?

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  3. This is a cute video.I emailed this to my daughter.

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  4. Poor Rodney Dangerfield: even dead he doesn't get any respect.

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    Replies
    1. I believe that's "He don't get no respect."!!

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  5. I laughed out loud at what "Tyrone" would have said. You are hilarious, my dear. My kids told me a lot. They still tell me a lot. I wish I didn't know some of it, but I always tell parents that I like talkative kids and I feel very wary of the quiet ones.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure if it's better or worse when your kids tell you everything!!

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  6. The Brian Kane cartoon is PERFECT! :)

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  7. I agree with Janie, Tyrone was too funny, you're incredibly funny, which is another way of saying you always crack me up, keep it up please...:)

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  8. I stole the one with the demanding dog, could be either of mine so I may use it later. Loved it all and a good laugh is sort of guaranteed at your place, dear fishducky.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're always welcome to anything I have--I mean--post! Say "Hi" to your puppies for ME!!

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  9. Dear Fishducky, this was so entertaining. I especially liked the two monkeys (I'm not sure which kind they were) who were the dentist and the patients. The ending was a hoot! I'm so glad you found this and shared it with us. Peace.

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    Replies
    1. It's entirely possible that I may be a little punchy,but I don'y know what monkeys you're talking about...

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    2. Never mind--you meant the ones in the first video!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.