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Monday, May 27, 2013

HOW TO BECOME RICH


Of course, the easiest way to get rich is to be born to rich parents.  If you've already screwed up that part, I have a suggestion.  This should work:

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.  The old guy fingered his silk vest & said, "Well, son, it was 1932, in the depth of the Great Depression.  I was literally down to my last nickel.  I invested that nickel in an apple.  I spent the entire day polishing it & at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents.  With that dime, the next day I bought two apples.  I spent the whole day polishing them & sold them at 5 o'clock for twenty cents.  I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd amassed a fortune of $13.60. Then my wife's father died & left us ten million dollars."

Or you could try this:

One day a multibillionaire was bored, so he asked his butler to get him 3 men.  A few hours later the butler comes back. The man says "OK I've a deal you can't refuse. Who can swim successfully across this pool filed with sharks, eels, & alligators.  The winner may have whatever his heart desires."  No one replies so the man gives up.  All of a sudden the man hears a splash. One of the men is swimming as fast as he can, dodging all the sharks, eels, and alligators. The billionaire was so impressed that someone had enough guts take up his challenge. He congratulates the man & asks him what he wants. The man replies, "I want the son of a bitch who pushed me in!"

Or you could borrow a whole lot of money & forget to pay it back.

OK, you have to admit I tried.  If that doesn't work for you, either, all I have left are some jokes & quotes:

Doctor to a rich man: Do you want a local anesthesia? 
Rich man: I would prefer an imported one. 

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here!" The wife replied, "Sweetheart, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here."

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

Bill Gates is so rich, he's afraid to do his banking in person for fear that their employees will stick him up.

After years of scrimping & saving, a husband told his wife the good news. "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1989."  "You mean a brand new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.  "No," said the husband, " a 1989 Cadillac!"

What's 6 inches long & 2 inches wide & drives women wild?
Money.

"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be!"--Rita Rudner











This is a long post, so relax & enjoy this song:




I just got this email:

"IS IT BETTER TO BE A JOCK OR A NERD?"

Consider Michael Jordan, having "retired", with $40 million in endorsements.  He makes $178,000 a day, working or not.  If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.  If he goes to see a movie, it will cost him $10 or $12, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.  If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while it's boiling.  He makes $7,415 an hour more than the minimum wage.

He'd make $3,710 while watching each episode of "Friends".  If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.  If someone were to hand him his salary & endorsement money in cash, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.

He'd probably pay around $200 for a round of golf at an expensive course, but would be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.  Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a 401k, his contributions would hit the federal cap of $10,500 at 8:45 am on January 1st.  If he gave you a penny for every $10 he made, you'd have an extra $65,000 a year to play around with.

He'd make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics & about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.  While the common person is spending about $20-$30 for a meal at Jordan's trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5,600.  This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all the past presidents for all of their terms--combined!  Amazing, isn't it?

However--if he saved 100% of his income for the next 500 years, he'd still have less than Bill Gates has at this very moment!

Game over.  Nerd wins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Blogfest HERE. 
If you need some ideas, click HERE
 (It can be something as simple as this: After a major earthquake here in L.A., I was in the 99 Cent Store buying candles, batteries, etc.  Two sisters, around 10 years old, were trying to do the same thing.  They were a couple of dollars short, so I paid for them.  It was a wonderful feeling to be able to help.  I also try to compliment a waitress on her jewelry, or a waiter on his tie, & their service.  It makes them smile!)


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If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click HERE  to get
it free tomorrow only!!   

I can't remember if I've already run this cartoon, 
but my book is sort of like this:

It may actually be better to be poor than rich.  Rich people worry that they might someday become poor.  Poor people NEVER worry about becoming rich----fishducky





  
  

24 comments:

  1. Those are funny! I like the apple story!

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  2. I love the song. It's great. I've been rich, and I've been poor. Rich has its advantages, but they aren't enough to make up for being rich with Dr. X.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, but as Joe E. Lewis said, "I've been rich & I've been poor, & rich is better!"

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  3. What a great way to start the week, reading fishducky! I loved the one: Why have money if you can't afford it. It really appeals to my sense of humor.

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    1. It seemed like a logical question to me!!

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  4. Folks with plenty of plenty
    They got a lock on the door
    Afraid somebody? s gonna rob them while
    They? re out making more

    What for?

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    Replies
    1. I take it you've got plenty of nothin'?

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  5. It's so true; even the smallest things can make a difference :)

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  6. One person at a time, and start with the one closest to you...good advice indeed.

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    Replies
    1. Mother Theresa was a very wise woman!!

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  7. Thanks for explaining to me what it is that drives women wild. I've been wondering a long time;

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    Replies
    1. I thought everybody knew the answer to that one!!

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  8. Money can't buy happiness, but it will help you sleep better.

    Good stuff...the seminar to make money is dead on.

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    Replies
    1. Somehow I don't think that driving a POS car would make you happier than a Porsche!!

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  9. Loved the apple one and the pool one at the beginning of this post.
    Also...if I were Michael Jordan, I would watch Friends for free. Just saying...I love that show.

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    Replies
    1. do you think it's possible that you'd enjoy it more if you earned $3710 while you were doing it?

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    2. I wouldn't enjoy it more but the money would be ok. More than ok. In fact...I would sleep with all the cast members and crew just to get that money er...no, wait. What was I saying? Oh yeah. I'd watch friends for free and no, I haven't gone off my meds.

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  10. Dear Fran, it's so true that when we compliment others we may possibly change their day for the better. And how kind of you to help those two ten year olds. Peace.

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    1. Bud used to laugh at me when I complimented them, but he's learned to expect it. Besides, we usually get better service! I do the same thing in stores, at the Post Office, etc.

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  11. :) I've never wanted to be rich. I just always thought someday I'd be comfortable. And I am.

    Tony on the other hand firmly believes that he'll (we'll) win the lottery. The joke is, we'd likely give most of it away.

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    Replies
    1. As I said in my comment to Janie, "I've been rich & I've been poor, & rich is better!"

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.