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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

I'M AFRAID OF CHUCK NORRIS



Do you know who's the most powerful person of all time?  Not the President or a czar, not Einstein, not your mother, not Hercules & not even Superman--it's Chuck Norris!! 

Even Superman idolizes him!

We should all be grateful that Chuck Norris is a good guy, because you know what?



When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books.  He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution.  Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.


Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep.  He waits.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity--twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.  There is only another fist.

When  Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up.  He's pushing the earth down.


Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world & punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

There is no such thing as global warming.  Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.


Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.


Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite.  Chuck Norris bites frost.

Google will not search for Chuck Norris because it knows you do not find Chuck Norris, he finds you.




 So ask yourself: 





If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click  HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.

My book's sort of like this:






I'd better stop before he gets mad at me.  If he did, even the Witless (not a typo) Protection Program probably couldn't help----fishducky



17 comments:

  1. "Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding"

    HA! Classic!

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  2. I enjoyed that! Ha ha. My son met Chuck Norris on his aircraft carrier and was very surprised at how short he was. Funny post!

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    1. Welcome to you & Susie Vince!! Glad you liked it!!

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  3. I had no idea Chuck Norris is so powerful. Thank God you told me so I'll be prepared if he comes looking for me. He might want my Grammar Police badge.

    Love,
    Janie, who reviewed your book on her blog today and everyone should read the review and buy the book

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    1. Why do I get the feeling he's not as powerful as you? Thanks a million for the review!!

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  4. When you Google "find Chuck Norris" you get, "Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. Your search - Chuck Norris - did not match any documents." If you don't believe me, try it.

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  5. Dear Fishducky, I've never been a fan of Chuck Norris. He may have muscles and know karate but he can't act--or so I've always thought! Peace.

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    1. At the risk of sounding unamerican, that's what I've always thought about John Wayne!!

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  6. Ouch, the toilet paper ?
    My husband used to watch a lot of his movies. Wait till I tell him about your post. He will have good entertainment.

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    1. Please let me know if he liked it!!

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  7. Every time I see a snippet of a Chuck Norris movie he's always surrounded by a dozen goons and he kicks the crap out of all of them. i always wonder why the bad guys don't all just take a step back so he can't kick them. I'm not a CN fan.

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    1. Have you ever wondered why they all politely wait their turn to attack him? I bet he'd be dead if they all came at once!!

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  8. I don't know anything much about Chuck Norris ~ I guess that means I'm not a fan. Same goes for John Wayne. But I did like Steve McQueen, but then I guess that's got nothing to do with anything. Sorry, I had my beer with my dinner!!! And, fishducky, where do you get all this from? Did you just all of a sudden decide to write a post about CN? I love the way you mind works.

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    1. I liked Steve McQueen, too. We've talked in person--didn't you notice what weird things pop into my head (& come out of my mouth AND my computer)?

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.