Follow

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

JOB INTERVIEWS THAT WERE HELD IN MY HEAD




Did you ever wonder what some famous people would have said if they were being interviewed for a job?  You didn't?  Well, I did!  Here's what I think they might have said:

Julius Caesar: "My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that."

Jesse James "I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks."
 

Marie Antoinette: "I admit my management style has been criticized, but I like to think of myself as a people person."

Joseph Guillotin: "I can give your company a head start on the competition." 

Hamlet: "My last position was eliminated in a hostile takeover.  How much are you offering?  After all, the pay's the thing!"

The Wizard of Oz: "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.  I can handle this interview all by myself." 

Mario Andretti: "About that company car you're offering--does it matter if I can only turn left?"

Pandora: "I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things."
 

Genghis Khan: "My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized the population of several countries."

Lady Godiva: "What do you mean, this isn't business casual?"

Macbeth: "Would I go after my boss's job?  Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion?"

Franklin Delano Roosevelt: "Don't worry about me quitting after a few months.  I always keep a job as long as I possibly can." 

Cher: "I’m so glad you require uniforms.  I never know what to wear."

Sally Field: "You're interviewing me!  You're really interviewing me!!"

Adolph Hitler: "I don’t mind working my up through the ranks.  I will OWN this company one day!"

Queen Elizabeth ll: "Is this an animal friendly office?  I have a couple of corgis…"

Attila the Hun: "Hire me & I guarantee we’ll crush the competition."

Albert Schweitzer: "I hope there’s not a lot of math involved.  I'm really tired of math."

Henry David Thoreau: "Would it be okay to work from home?  The reason I ask is there’s a really nice pond near where I live…"

Sir Isaac Newton:  "This bump?  It’s nothing.  For some strange reason, apples seem to keep falling on my head."

 Dr. Henry Heimlich: "Is there something stuck in your throat?  Here, let me help you…"

Yogi Bear:  "Do you mind if we have lunch while we talk?  I brought a picnic basket with me."

Marcel Marceau: “--------"

Designer of the Titanic:  "What could possibly go wrong if you hired me?"

Ogden Nash: "I want to work, I’m not a jerk.  Give me lots of money & I’m sure I could be funny."

Francis Scott Key:  "I just thought of a little jingle that your company might use.  Let me sing it for you."

Michelangelo: "What do you mean, you don't understand what I said--do I have to paint you a picture?"

Hugh Hefner: "Your receptionist is really hot.  Do you think she’d mind if I took her picture?"

Samson:  "OK, I’ll wear a net or put it in a ponytail, but there’s no way I’m getting my hair cut for this job!"  

Elvis Presley: "My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here's a story about a woman who desperately needs a job--& a business manager:

An elderly couple were discussing the dire strait of their financial situation.  
Him: "You're gonna have to get a job!"
Her:  "I should get a job?  What could I do?"
Him:  "You could be a whore."
Her:  "I could be a whore?"
Him:  "You could try."
Her:  "I'll try."
The next evening she comes home, totally exhausted & looking like something the cat dragged in.
Him:  'So, how'd you do?"
Her:  "Okay--I made $13.10."
Him:  "$13.10!  Who gave you the 10 cents?"
Her:  "EVERYBODY gave me 10 cents!"

Job interview at Ikea:









For those of you still in the 9 to 5 routine:


From my posts, you might think I'm slightly unbalanced,
but she definitely is not!!

If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click  HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.

My book is sort of like this:


 Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Blogfest HERE. 
If you need some ideas, click HERE

This video is not funny.
butt may give you some more ideas:




Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A good doctor!"----fishducky 












16 comments:

  1. Love Tinkerbell's baby picture, and this one was my favorite: Marcel Marceau: “--------" Thanks for keeping the laughs coming.

    ReplyDelete
  2. They are all pretty funny but that Ikea one somehow had me howling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nice way to start your day, isn't it?

      Delete
  3. Yeah, I like the IKEA one as well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All cartoons are carefully fishducky-selected!!

      Delete
  4. Loved the interviews. Amazing how careful wording perks up a resume.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. By "perks up" I assume you mean "makes lies believable"!!

      Delete
  5. Very funny I like a good laugh and always did hate job interviews.
    Merle.................

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to my blog, which is usually more amusing than a job interview!!

      Delete
  6. Holy Moly, that feather trick was incredible. Fun post girlfren.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Yeah Jesse James would say just that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That whore story is hysterical. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That joke's as old as I am, but if you hadn't heard it before, it's new!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.