Monday, May 13, 2013


I think it would be very boring to be a fish--especially in a goldfish bowl.  I mean, even if someone turns on the TV, there would only be a couple of shows they'd be interested in watching--"Name That Tuna" & "Whale of Fortune".  If someone happened to leave the newspaper nearby, open to the kelp wanted ads, how many jobs would they be qualified for?  It takes years of med school to become a sturgeon, so that's out.  I guess they could become a piano tuna or sell herring aids.  Below is a chart which should make it easy to recognize the mood of your fish:

Then there are the fish who live in the ocean.  I assume they can read because they have been in schools all their lives, but how many times can you pick up "One Fish, Two Fish" or even "The Old Man and the Sea" & stay interested?  Do they ever get seasick? Can they tell each other apart?  Do they ever want to wear something kinky or have a fin pierced, just for kicks?  Don't they ever get tired of eating nothing but seafood?  We know they get depressed--Charlie Tuna has had a death wish for years!

Did you know that mudskippers & certain types of catfish can live on land for extended periods of time?  Do you suppose they have to wait an hour after eating before they can do that without getting cramps?

(Ed. note) I'm not recommending this for you--except in extreme cases--but some species of fish eat their young.  Picture this: A female guppy gives birth. Her husband is swimming nearby, watching & says, "Look, Martha, it's a girl," SLURP, "Yum!"

Some stupid easy riddles:

Where do you find a crab with no legs?
          ---Exactly where you left it.
What do you get if you cross a whale with a computer?
          ---A four ton know it all.
What should you do if you find a shark in your bed?
          ---Sleep somewhere else.
What do you give a seasick whale?
          ---Lots of room!

What about birds--do they ever get depressed?  I don't think I would if I could fly wherever I wanted & shit on anybody's head I felt like & get away with it every time!
Males have such beautiful plumage & yet they fight for the right to mate with a mousy looking female. I guess it's the same with humans, except for the plumage.

Did you know I can do bird calls?  Here's one that works for any species.  Say you see a particular bird & want to have him come closer to you.  Do not move--that will startle him. Simply open your mouth & say, "Hey, bird!"

How's this for a great segue between
fish & fowl?

Birds have better songs than fish:


A really smart bird (a rerun):

If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click  HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.

Something you'll never hear a fish or a bird say:
"I woke up this morning to the smell of fresh hot coffee, bacon sizzling on the grill & pancakes being made.  DAMMIT!!  I fell asleep at the IHOP again!"----fishducky


  1. We had fish when I was little. I remember my mom rushing to rescue babies before they were eaten. I've also heard stories (sob) about cats and rabbits eating their offspring.


    1. What did she do with the babies--foster homes?

    2. She put the babies in a separate tank until they grew a bit and their parents lost interest in devouring them.

  2. Love the picture showing fish moods. Very funny!

    1. It was so clever I wish I could take credit for it!!

  3. Did you know that mudskippers & certain types of catfish can live on land for extended periods of time? Do you suppose they have to wait an hour after eating before they can do that without getting cramps?

    Best line ever!

  4. Dear Fishducky, all fun as usual, but I did so enjoy the muppet "Three Little Fishes" song and "Flamingo." Do you ever watch "Dancing with the Stars"? I can just see Cheryl and her hips dancing to that song. Of course the show mostly uses songs that will resonate with everyone today. And a lot of people have probably never heard the hip-swaying rhythm of "Flamingo." Peace.

    1. I'm not a DWTS fan, but I loved the mellow voice of Herb Jeffries!!

  5. Good to know about that shark in my bed. And fun to hear a new "give a man a fish" joke. Heh heh!

    1. You probably would have figured out that shark one yourself!!

  6. As you know... we have fish. The salt tank is dong well... Hunky and Dory (the clown fish) have a new friend Spaz (a green chromis) and they seem to be doing well. I sadly talk to them as I come in everyday like they are puppies. Youngest has a small fresh water tank with 3 neon tetras and one black Molly. The black Molly blend PERFECTLY with the black gravel and we never see him. One of the tetras likes to eat his food right from the top of the tank. So get this... he gets gas. Gas so bad that he get a huge bubble and can't swim... he just floats sideways on the top.

    Until he farts.

    Then he's fine.

    Just thought I'd share.


Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.