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Friday, August 30, 2013

DADDY, CAN I HAVE $4,000,000 FOR CANDY?


The rich are the same as we are, except for their money.  They have to make sure their children are not seen wearing torn mismatched clothes & they have to pack lunches make sure their staff packs nutritious lunches for them.  They should also give their kids a small but fair allowance to teach them the value of money.  Below are some examples of children of wealthy parents who are being taught how to survive on very little:


                                    







The fashionable Suri Cruise, daughter of actors Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, gets to live the dream of every little princess by bunking at Cinderella's Castle Suite in the heart of Disney World's Magic Kingdom. She tours the land of Mickey Mouse in a wardrobe to rival any designer clotheshorse, reportedly including a Dolce & Gabbana trench coat that retails for more than $2,000.  (Do you suppose the kids Tom Cruise had with Nicole Kidman give her their hand-me-downs?)










Justin Combs, 19, son of the rap star Sean "Diddy" Combs, received a $360,000 silver Maybach for his Sweet 16 birthday party.  But he didn't need money to attend college: His football prowess has earned him a scholarship at UCLA.  (I assume it wasn't a used Maybach!)










The 30-year-old crown prince of Dubai is the son of Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates. He drives a Swarovski-crystal-studded, mink-finished Mercedes worth an estimated $4.8 million. When he feels like being on the water, he can hop into the world's largest yacht, worth $300 million.  (And his folks keep telling him to get a job!)










The 1-year-old Blue Ivy, daughter of singer Beyonce and rapper Jay-Z, may be just a tot, but she's growing up with a huge taste of luxury. She splashes her tiny hands in a $5,200 bathtub encrusted with Swarovski crystals & takes her naps in a $3,500 crib.  (Like all good parents, they made sure that the jewels on her teddy bear are too large for her to choke on.)




 





23-year-old Ekaterina Rybolovleva received a gift of an $88 million penthouse in Manhattan--the single most expensive apartment in the Big Apple  from father Dmitry Rybolovlev--to use when she's in the city. She also keeps homes in Monaco & Switzerland.  (Her furniture is probably not from Rent To Own.)






 
 



Another fashionista in the making, the 4-year-old daughter of singers Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony has already attended shows during Paris Fashion Week. Her miniature couture wardrobe for the front row included more than $2,400 worth of Chanel accessories, including a $310 brooch, & a $2,100 bag (for keeping her crayons & Gummy Bears?).










The daughter of actress Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault, CEO of luxury goods company PPR, is only 5, but she's already enjoying vacations in the exclusive Caribbean enclave of St. Barts. She even walks the red carpet with her actress mother at movie premieres. And when she grows up, she'll have her own Los Angeles estate--currently being held in trust. The estate is worth $12 million & is being funded with $50,000 a month by her father.  (What a coincidence—that’s the same allowance we gave our kids every month!)


This post may be unfair.  I have no idea how much the monthly expenses are to run a fully staffed mansion.  They also have to buy groceries, just like we do:


Rich kids bring a staff of lawyers to court.  Poor kids bring their mom.
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How many rich girls does it take to change a light bulb?  One.  She says, “Daddy, I need a new apartment!”
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Many rich people don't have a credit rating. It's mainly because they would never need to borrow money.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A rich college girl sends an email to her dad:

Dear Dad--College is wonderful.  The people are nice & I like it here a lot, but I am a bit ashamed to arrive every day in my pure gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers & many fellow students get here by train.  Your loving daughter, Babs

Dad’s reply:

Dear Babs—I just had $20,000,000 transferred to your account.  Stop being embarrassed, honey.  Go get yourself a train, too.  Love, Dad







A rich guy went to the corner store.  He bought all 4 corners----fishducky





Wednesday, August 28, 2013

A BLOG ON BLOGGING






Some of my blogging friends have found themselves in the doldrums as far as coming up with ideas for future posts are concerned.  Out of the goodness of my heart I am offering these 33 suggestions, which are available for the low price of $5.00 each, or 3 for $10.00. The first one alone is worth the cost!



  1. How to steal other people's blog ideas.
  2. Why boot camp is not good for shoes.
  3. Barbie is a slut.
  4. I do not play well with others & I don't care.
  5. How manicure scissors can be a big help in doing jigsaw puzzles.
  6. How to paint a masterpiece in 3 easy steps.
  7. Does your car need training wheels?
  8. How to stay a close family until Daddy's parole comes through.
  9. Einstein was wrong--E actually = mc x 12.
  10. Listen to your mother even if she's stupid.
  11. Goldilocks & the 27 bears--the complete story.
  12. The Lone Ranger & Tonto were secretly married.
  13. Why I should rule the world.
  14. Harry Potter is really a girl.
  15. Raising elephants in your apartment.
  16. How to get fat.
  17. Diseases are not good for you.
  18. Somebody has to say it!
  19. Federal prison is not so bad.
  20. Why men?
  21. May I have your money?
  22. Hollywood is calling me--where the hell's the phone?
  23. If I owned my own company, I wouldn't work for me.
  24. Things it is illegal to bring to Show & Tell.
  25. Convincing your boss you're too sick to work.
  26. How to get your parents to do your homework.
  27. How to cheat & get away with it.
  28. Why pedophiles do not make good school bus drivers..
  29. Keeping the profit from Girl Scout Cookie sales.
  30. Why vegetables can be harmful to your health.
  31. Things I learned from watching cartoons on TV.
  32. Why it is fun to trip people who use canes or crutches.
  33. Why broccoli flavored ice cream does not sell well.
Or you can always add an interesting video:















Your blogmeister----fishducky








Monday, August 26, 2013

MEN--YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM & YOU CAN'T KILL 'EM





This story came from the internet, so you KNOW it's true!  It happened many years ago:

Intent on suicide, Frenchman Jacques Lefevre drove a stake into the ground on the top of a cliff overlooking the sea, then tied one end of a rope around the stake & the other around his neck.  Being nothing if not thorough, he then drank a bottle of poison, set his clothes on fire & tried to shoot himself in the head.  He missed & the bullet cut the rope in two, dropping the hapless gentleman into the sea, where the salt water put out his flaming clothes & caused him to spew out the poison.  A passing fisherman picked him up & delivered him to a nearby hospital where he got his wish—he died from the effects of exposure. 

If a man is in the backyard and the TV in the family room is on, that doesn’t mean he’s not watching it.



Men hate to lose.  I once beat my husband at tennis.  I asked him, “Are we ever going to have sex again?”  He said, “Yes, but not with each other.”
--Rita Rudner




Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground. The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter. The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends. "My watch is 30 minutes slow." 



While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. “Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!”  “Dear God!  Did your try to stop him?” “No,” said the clerk, “but don’t worry.  I got the license plate number!”




1. What do you call a handcuffed man?  Trustworthy.

2. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?  You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

3. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

4. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

5. How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

8. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.

9. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

11. What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.

12. What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.


13. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them.

14. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

15. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.

16. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




What your man says  REALLY means


"I can't find it," REALLY MEANS, "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."


"That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless."


 "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." 


"It's a guy thing," REALLY MEANS, "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." 


"Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?" 


"It would take too long to explain, "REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works." 


"I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead."


This guy is a real idiot:



But this one is a keeper!!:



You might enjoy this:

Why do men need these instructions?

























This doesn't fit in here, 
but I wanted to run it before they removed it.  
Dee sent it & I LOVE it--thank you, Dee!!
HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam. Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands. Take a look at HEMA's product page - just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. DON'T click on any of the items in the picture, just wait.   At the end you can scroll down and check the prices! This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer, who has too much time on his hands.  Click HERE 



If God hadn't intended us to eat animals he wouldn't have made them out of meat----fishducky


 

Friday, August 23, 2013

A PANEL OF EXPERTS DISCUSS LOVE & MARRIAGE




WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??


"Eighty-four!  Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom."
(Judy, age 8)

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife!"
(Tom, age 5)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding."
(Jim, age 10)

"Never kiss in front of other people.  It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees me, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours."
(Kelly, age 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE:  IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED??

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them!"
(Lynette, age 9)

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
(Kenny, age 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell.  That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
(Jan, age 9)

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
(Harlen, age 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, age 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
(Leo, age 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS ON LOVE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful."
(Jeanne, age 8)

"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet."
(Gary, age 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them."
(Dave, age 8)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AN ADULT  TEST TO SEE IF YOU'RE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN:




MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick 
behind the couch and leave it there all summer.


TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing 
tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a 

blindfold. Try to walk barefoot to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.


FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend 
from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to 

insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while 

pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin 

to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag 

and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and 
sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these, too, until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.



INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, 
turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn 

it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and 

a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and 
an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel 
Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat.  Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store.  Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.




But if you wait long enough, like them,
you'll have different problems:




The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard----fishducky