Follow

Friday, September 6, 2013

ANY PROBLEM SOLVED--5 CENTS


Do you want to save money while grocery shopping?  I find that the best way to get two bottles of dishwashing liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping cart & the other in your coat pocket. 

A guy was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone clips on.  He couldn't afford one, so he's wearing his garage door opener instead.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do--write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?  Or, better yet, arrest them while they're taking their pictures!  

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro (ball point) pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians came up with a solution. They used a pencil. 


Are you planning on moving & worried you 
might encounter some problems?  
Budget offers these handy hints:








Don't always have time to drive your dog to the vet?  
Just have him take this course & flip him the keys & directions.  
He can drive himself there. 

This seems to fit here:

How to get off of a murder charge (if you're old enough):

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.  Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."








Perhaps this flowchart will help:

Want some cartoons today?  No problem:








There is one problem even I can’t solve:

My husband & I were married 58 years ago, when he was 22 & I was 20. He recently had a birthday. My question is, since I’m still only 36, how come I’m now married to an 81 year old man?


I’m sorry—I have delusions of adequacy----fishducky


 







23 comments:

  1. You're advocating theft? Tsk Tsk.
    2 for 1 dishwashing...

    I love the problem solving flowchart, I found a similar one years ago when I worked full time and put it on the noticeboard in the factory lunchroom. Even the boss laughed at it.

    The Russian pencil joke is a good one. All those dollars wasted on perfecting a pen...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Re the 2nd bottle of dishwashing liquid: I didn't say to do it, I just said that it works!!

      Delete
  2. But the Russians did have to wait in line for hours for that pencil.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I started laughing as soon as I saw put the dishwashing liquid in your pocket to save money, and I didn't stop laughing throughout the rest of the post. Actually, it's not really a laugh. I tend to cackle.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  4. You must be using "New Math" to calculate your age. I do the same thing, and I'm thirty-nine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I thought you were older than me!!

      Delete
  5. I love how you put a post together so one thing segues naturally into the next... and ALL funny. As for the one about the Russians and the pencil, I think that's based on fact. Pitiful, huh? Right up there with the thousands and thousands of dollars the guvamint spent on those "special" wrenches and toilet seats.

    Happy anniversary! That's quite a milestone. You must have been a mere zygote when you got hitched.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's just the way my mind works. I like nice things as much as the next person, but I've never felt the need for a 2 million dollar toilet seat!!

      Actually, I was already an embryo, but I've never looked my age!!

      Delete
  6. Happy Anniversary. It is your day and you made ours with your post full of chukles. May you guys get all the good things that you want in your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, but our anniversary is in February. I( don't think there's anything left on our bucket lists!!

      Delete
  7. Cracked up at the murder defense. Makes perfect sense to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's important to have a logical defense!!

      Delete
  8. Dear Fishducky, that 87-year-old woman is one smart lady! Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy Anniversary!!

    I have lots more problems that you can solve. Sadly, my children have taken all my nickels.

    ANd dimes.

    And bills...

    They are not picky when it comes to forms of currency.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not our anniversary--see my comment to Munir. I can't solve your money problem, unless you'd be interested in a usurious loan!!

      Delete
    2. Well then, I'll wait until February. :) And I can solve my money problems as well.. just have to keep the kids out of my purse. :)

      Delete
    3. How do you keep the kids out of your purse?

      Delete
  10. I came to visit from here. - and am smiling so widely my face hurts. Thank you. Lots.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're welcome. Lots. I'm now a follower of your blog!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.