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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

DON'T EAT THAT!!


I can roll my eyes like this:

"I don't know what the big deal is about edible underwear. You wear them a couple of days, they taste just like the other ones."
--Tom Arnold


Two true stories (& one joke):

Do you remember pressure cookers?  They were heavy pots that cooked things quickly by steam pressure & had a little vent on the top where the pressure gauge was.  My mother once redecorated our kitchen with one!  Well, not intentionally-- she was making split pea soup & had to leave the house because of an emergency & when she returned the kitchen ceiling had been thoroughly split pea souped!  It had blown the gauge off & shot up through the steam vent.  I don't remember what we had for dinner that night, but it sure WASN'T split pea soup!! During the days of wringer washing machines & before garbage disposers, we found a bag of potato peels in the washer.  I guess it stopped by to visit the laundry on its way out to the trash.

A friend of mine (NOT Melynda) was living in an apartment in New York City & was having some friends over for a party.  She had made a bunch of hors d'oeuvres & baked & frosted a cake. She left all this food on the kitchen counter to cool while she went to take a shower.  When she got out of the shower she heard her phone (which was in the kitchen) ringing.  She ran in, naked, to answer it.  It had started raining--hard--while she was showering & the rain was was blowing in through an open window--& a dirty window screen--& covering her party food.  She answered the phone & told them to hang on while she climbed up on the counter to close the window.  That is to say, she TRIED to climb up on the counter, which was wet, & she slipped. She landed on the food.  She finally closed the window & picked up the phone.  She spent several minutes sobbing & saying that she had fallen on her food & now she had to take another shower & that her guests were coming in a few minutes & she had no idea what she would serve them & now the party was ruined, while the caller was making sympathetic noises. She asked, "What should I do?"  The caller said that he had no idea--& that he thought he had reached a wrong number!  She pitifully asked why he had listened to her long diatribe & he said, "You sounded so sad--I didn't have the heart to interrupt you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, & none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all & we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75 year old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly asked, "Wedding Cake?"

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More don't-eats:

Your pizza need more pop?
Try topping it with deep fried corn dogs!


Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich
This artery-clogger features a fried chicken patty topped with Swiss cheese all tucked inside a sliced Krispy Kreme Original Glazed doughnut. To enhance the sweet and savory effect, the sandwich is served with a side of Smucker's honey sauce.


Deep fried Coca Cola
Beverages have entered the deep fried delicacy ring. Fried Coke is actually Coca Cola flavored batter that's been deep fried and garnished with Coca Cola syrup, whipped cream, and cinnamon sugar. Abel Gonzales, Jr. won Most Creative for this concoction at the 2006 State Fair of Texas.

Cheeseburger with fried ice cream:

I think this is deep fried battered bacon:

This is self explanatory:
All photos HuffPost


I think we need some cartoons
to settle our stomachs:













Some funny videos:

I've run this before, 
but I love it:


                                      


                                       

If you're a ketchupaholic, you might be interested in this!!

Sign in a restaurant; “Shoes are required to eat here. Socks can eat any
place they want.”



Avoid any food with the expiration date marked in Roman numerals----fishducky













24 comments:

  1. Big smiles. Again. And I was sooooo impressed at the table manners of the dog with the human hands. He ate with rather more dignity than some of the humans of my acquaintance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He had better manners than some of my kids!!

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  2. Very funny stuff. For years I have tried to eat health but I do dream of things like the Krispy Kreme Chicken Sandwich and fried bacon. Both now on my last meal list. A friend of mine proudly states that he wants to die with bacon on his breath. Ahh yes.
    Now back to carrots and kale.

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  3. I wish I was too sophisticated to laugh at the mustard gas cartoon, but I'm not, and I did!

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  4. I won't use a pressure cooker because of stories like yours. I grew up hearing them from my mother. Your friend's story sounds like something out of a sit-com!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I laughed harder when she told me than I ever did at a sitcom!!

      Delete
  5. Good stuff as usual.

    I don't have a dog, so now I'm just going to blame the mustard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That should work--we all know it couldn't be YOUR fault!!

      Delete
  6. Loved them all, especially the story of the friend with the shower and the food and the phone. But I laughed out loud at the Mustard Gas. Fart jokes get me every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The funniest part is that it was true!!

      Delete
  7. The video with the guy talking to his dog about what he ate is hilarious. You can post it every week, and I'll laugh at it. I never dared to use a pressure cooker. I knew I would screw it up.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some things are too good to post only once!!

      Delete
  8. remember pressure cookers and wringer washing machines ... I had an aunt with very large breasts ~ who wore no bra ... just wrapped herself... so the story goes... anyway she got 'em caught in the wringer. I never understood that but ... it's still the Aunt Maudie Mae legend.

    funnneeee stuff fishducky! ;)

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  9. I've read the wedding cake joke many times and now, as always, I'm left wondering what that most dangerous of all foods is.
    Everytime you put up a savage chickens cartoon, I automatically read sausage chickens, years ago, when Savage Garden was band of the month, I always read that as Sausage Garden.
    The deep fried battered bacon has me astounded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think reading "Savage Chickens" as "Sausage Chickens" is some Freudian thing about sausage!!

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. You're in Alabama--I CAN'T say "Thanks, Yank!!"

      Delete
  11. From Melynda: Now I am going to make a Quiche Loarrain for dinner.. MMMMM Bacon :)

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  12. Ice cream cheeseburger . . . well then!

    I hope you had an AMAZING birthday!
    Love ya,
    E & Fam

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  13. Actually, it sounds pretty good!!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.