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Friday, September 13, 2013

LANGUAGE CLASS



A Swiss tourist in America, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two men are waiting. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.” “Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!”
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A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." 

The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher, "What were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."

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My daughter & son-in-law speak Italian in their home & English when they're out, so their kids will be bilingual.  When my oldest granddaughter was 2 or 3, I took her to the market with me so her mother could stay at home with the baby.  She was looking at the produce in our cart & saying what we had in Italian.  She said we had "Mele, arance, spinaci (apples, oranges, spinach) & zucchini."  I told her, "No, honey, that's not zucchini--it's a big cucumber."  I couldn't think of the Italian word for cucumber.  She insisted it was zucchini & I couldn't change her mind.  When my daughter unloaded the bag, she asked me why I bought a zucchini.  Apparently, I was wrong in two languages!
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If you’re playing Scrabble & can’t move your vowels, are you consonated?
Thank you, Susan!!

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A is for apple, B is for boat,
that used to be right, but now it won't float!
A is for apple is what we once said,
but let's redefine these for age, instead.

A's for arthritis, 
B's the bad back, 
C is the chest pains.  Corned beef?  Cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline, 
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention, 

G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low,
I's for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L's for libido, what happened to sex? 

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low, 

O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P's for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? 

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T's for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow; 

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy", you know.
W's for worry, now what's going 'round? 
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y's for another year I'm left here behind, 

Z is for zest I still have--in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!

www.funtoosh.com





  











I'm afraid the current generation of kids
will have a problem with language:
If you want to talk to teenagers,
keep it interesting to them:






Of course, it's very important to speak 
very clearly & enunciate carefully on the phone:





Senior citizen: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle----fishducky 


 



24 comments:

  1. leave a comment leave a comment leave a comment
    okay

    Those two Americans had me stunned. They could have at least said something in English! How rude to just stare!
    I can't speak other languages, I tried to learn at school and got nowhere very fast, but I'm impressed with others who can, especially if they speak more than one extra.

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  2. How I remember being asked most of those lame questions. What a shame that the askers hadn't dropped by here first.
    It occurs to me that, thanks to you, while I walk with a limp I am now safe from being a lame aunt. And since I was never a good aunt and now I am a great aunt, I won't be a lame one of those either.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad I could help you on your quest for Great Auntedness!!

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  3. I have found (and I'm sure you have as well)That talking to your kids is more about context than subject.

    Wanna know if they like that girl down the street? Ask about the other kids. If they ignore her all together, or say she's gross and weird... that's your future DIL. :) (This of course only works when your boys are 12 and under though, I have no insight into the older teen years as we are not really there yet.)

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    1. Only because I refuse to text them. :) AND I am WAY too cheep to get them cel phones at their ages...

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  4. I always thought of learning another language but that American has a point.

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    Replies
    1. I am semi-lingual in several languages, including English!!

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  5. I think English is a foreign language to a lot of our kids today.

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  6. The only foreign language I have any familiarity with is Latin and it's not much help. I couldn't use it, not even in the Vatican when I was there.

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    1. I saw a picture of you there!! Who was the guy in the gold trimmed white dress & beanie standing next to you?

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  7. I love the video. That little girl has her own language. I hope to be fluent in something someday.

    Love,
    Janie

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  8. Thanks for all the chuckles. If I had any sense, I'd be in bed by now. (sigh) Guess I don't have any sense.

    I especially liked that first joke. I studied French for five years, and used to be quite fluent, but haven't had much cause to use it in a lot of years. Why oh why didn't I take Spanish instead?

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    1. I majored in French in high school, mais je peux à peine parler la langue maintenant!!

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  9. Wow! Innovative. I'm writing down the cool questions for the next time I do some hands free texting with my grandson.

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  10. Dear Fishducky, did you write that alphabet of woes???????? For me, the E would have been ears that don't hear! The video was a delight, and my favorite story was the one of the young boy in French class. Thanks once again for sharing your funny bone with us. Peace.

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    Replies
    1. No, I just tweaked it a little. As for my bones, you can have any ones you want--I hardly use them anymore!!

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