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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

AN AMAZING ARRAY OF ANIMAL ANTICS



A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad from its mouth and puts the toad in his side bag.

Fearing the angry snake would bite him; Bubba grabs his bottle of daddy's moonshine from his pocket and carefully pours 2 drops into the snake's mouth. The snake's eyes glaze over and it quickly goes limp. Bubba carefully places the snake back in the water. A few hours later, Bubba is just about to head back home, when he feels something tapping on his leg. He looks down and is amazed to see the same water moccasin with 2 frogs in its mouth.
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A butcher called a lawyer one day and asked him, “What would you do if a dog came in and stole your meat?”  The lawyer replied, “Why, of course, I’d make the owner pay for it.”  The butcher said, “OK, then you owe me $15.00 because it was your dog.”  The lawyer said, “That’s fair.  Just deduct the $15.00 from the $500.00 you owe me for the advice.  I’ll collect the remaining $485.00 the next time I pass by your shop!”
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Bob invites his friend Max over for dinner.  It's not quite ready when he arrives, so Bob tells him to go into the den & meet his new pet, a gorilla.  Max is nervous about that, but his host says he's in a cage & it's perfectly safe.  "Besides," Bob says, "You'll like him. He's a great mimic.  He'll copy any gesture you make."  Max agrees & goes into the den. Everything is fine for a few minutes & then there's a terrible commotion & Max is screaming for help before he passes out.  

He wakes up in the hospital in bandages & casts with his host by his side.  He's asked what happened & he says, "I don't really know.  He was copying me.  I closed my right eye & he closed his right eye.  I scratched my head & he scratched his head.  Then I put my finger next to my nose & that's the last thing I remember."  Bob says, "Oh, my God, I should have warned you. He must have gotten angry.  Putting your finger beside your nose means 'F**k you' in gorilla!"

During his extended hospital stay, Max plots revenge.  He asks Bob for another dinner invitation & tells him that he feels that he has to apologize to the gorilla.  He's invited & while dressing for dinner, he slips a large knife into his pants.  He tells Bob he'd like some time alone with the gorilla.  Max closes his right eye & the gorilla closes his right eye.  He scratches his head & the gorilla scratches his head.  He then takes the knife out of his pants, pretends to whack off his penis & hands the knife to the gorilla.  The gorilla takes the knife, looks at it, looks at Max & then puts his finger by the side of his nose!
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How to tell if your dog is involved in a sex scandal.







One of my favorite videos:


This act is WONDERFUL!!
Bob Williams was a client of Bud's & 
we stayed with him & Louie during 
the World's Fair in Seattle during the 60's. (link)

This one is scary!!





Cat caught watching porn
(stolen borrowed from midgetmanof steel.com)

Navy seals:













You might enjoy Animals Eating Human Food

FUN FACT: If humans stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown.----fishducky

 

Please leave a comment









28 comments:

  1. Love cows with guns. And had to cover the eyes of my cat Jazz when I saw that first LOL cat.

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    1. I think that's one of the best videos ever!!

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  2. OMG! OMG!
    You found Cows With Guns!!!
    I LOVE that. I have it on my ipod. Just the song, not the video.
    Love the Navy Seals too and the penguin feeling a bit summery.

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    Replies
    1. I've saved that ever since my son's late father-in-law sent it to me--I still watch it once in a while!!

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  3. That magnet-eating dog made me laught. I can see the splat against metal. Hahaha

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  4. The cartoon of the dog that ate the fridge magnets is a keeper! And I must have a bit of blond in me but why weren't those gators wearing shoes? Just kidding. Have a good day.

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    1. She should have been satisfied with just taking their purses. You have a good day, too!!

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  5. All were funny but the sex scandal dog made me lose it.

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    1. That didn't look like Mighty, did it?

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  6. I don't know where you keep finding all these, but don't stop.

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    1. I have NO intention of stopping!! Didn't you send me the sex scandal dog?

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  7. I LOVE COWS WITH GUNS! I laugh at it every time.

    Love,
    Janie

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  8. Well that brightened up my morning,
    thank you.
    Merle................

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  9. Refrigerator magnet dog... best cartoon ever! :)

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    1. I think that's 3 votes for that cartoon!!

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  10. The magnet dog is too funny! I liked the lawyer advice too.

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  11. The blonde killed all those alligators for nothing? I mean if she did. LOL
    I like the sex scandal faces.
    All of the cartoons are so funny.
    Thanks!

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  12. The sex scandal shame face is great. Love the mastodon acupuncture too.

    Had problems with the "Cows with Guns." Those "cows well hung" are not. They have udders. They're cows not bulls no matter how many times the narrator uses the pronoun "he." Not to be too picky but most cattle used for beef aren't the black and white Holsteins--they're dairy.

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    Replies
    1. Ease up--I KNOW they're not male, but they look funnier that way!!

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    2. You're right. Udders are funnier than the other thingy.

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  13. From Melynda: You are a bad lady. You tease me with a blond joke then tell me that I can drown all the idiots that annoy me by telling them to stand single file around the equator? I would surely go to jail. Although there are a lot of them and they may not understand ""single file" I might get lucky and get away with it. hahahahaha

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.