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Monday, December 30, 2013

IF THIS IS IN YOUR PERFORMANCE REVIEW...




...you may be looking for a new job soon!!  Keep an eye out for any comments of this sort:


"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom... and has started to dig." 

"His men would follow him anywhere... but only out of morbid curiosity."
 

"I would not allow this employee to breed."
 

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
 

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
 

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
 

"This employee has delusions of adequacy."
 

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
 

"This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."
 

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
 

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless." 

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
 

"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." 
arcamax.com
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My own employment history:

Right after the end if the Ice Age When we were married Bud was in the Army & stationed at Fort Ord.  I worked as a dental assistant on the post.  My boss was Dr. Joe Stewart, who was from Anniston, Alabama.  Languages & accents are fun for me.  I tend to “parrot” them without realizing it.  Bud told me that I was beginning to speak with a southern accent.  I told Dr. Stewart what Bud had said & he responded, “So what?   Why’s he complainin’?  Y’all talkin’ right fo’ the first time in yo’ life!”

He used to do dental work under general anesthesia on Wednesday mornings.  One day he asked me if I’d like to watch.  I told him I would.  I got scrubbed & gowned, went in & stood a few feet from the table as he started to work.  He told me I couldn’t see well enough from there & that I should move closer.  I did.  He said that I still wasn’t close enough.  I moved again.  Not close enough. I moved again & by this time I was right next to the patient’s head.  Dr. Stewart said that if I was going to stand that close I might as well help & slapped a suction hose into my hand.  I assisted him in surgery from that Wednesday on.

Almost all of our patients were children.  Their parents could be with them while we worked if they wanted.  When he was about to start, he would usually say, “Open your mouth & let’s take a peek.”  Usually.  One time, however, with the mother there, he slipped.  What came out was, “Open your mouth & let’s take a LEAK.”  It broke the two of us up—mommy didn’t hear it.  

After Bud was discharged I worked as a dental assistant for Dr. Taub, a children’s dentist.  Since many kids are scared of people wearing medical whites, we wore street clothes.  During the summer we could wear shorts.  Once, another dentist came over to pick up Dr. Taub to go out to lunch.  He questioned my boss on our attire.  I heard Dr. Taub tell him, “When most dentists are hiring a new assistant, they usually ask where she went to school.  I say, ‘Lemme see your legs, baby!’”  (This was obviously  before the days of political correctness.)

That was a great place to work.  I happily did his banking & ran errands because he let me drive his new Ford Thunderbird convertible instead of my car.  He used to take two hour lunches so the receptionist & I would alternate weeks, staying in the office one week & taking two hours out the next.  We were only about five minutes from Santa Monica beach, so I could spend an hour or so on the sand, drive back & get cleaned up in his private shower before I had to go back to work.  Not too tacky!









I've run these before, but I love them:





If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday----fishducky


 








27 comments:

  1. Big smiles. At least the Evil Genius believed in truth in advertising. Not sure how many takers he/she would get though. The conditions don't sound good. And I note there is no mention of health insurance...

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    Replies
    1. I take it you're not interested in applying for the position!!

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    2. I think I would prefer to be the Evil Genius. So much more rewarding...

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    3. Wait... the phone number in the ad had too many numbers... *sigh* another missed opportunity I guess.

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    4. Nothing on the list below appeals to you?

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  2. In the late1950s I spent a summer with my Oklahoma relatives and developed a southern accent. It was later discovered I was repeatedly slipping in and out of consciousness while talking and the problem was corrected in California. I have not sounded southern since.

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  3. I've never understood the medical white coats fear. I was never afraid of doctors or dentists and my kids weren't either. I don't remember my brother ever being afraid and my first husband's family, all ten of them, parents and 8 kids, showed no fear, all the nephews, nieces, cousins etc, not a single one afraid of medical persons. Where does such a fear come from? My sister isn't afraid of the people, but she does have a fear of needles which she overcomes yearly for her flu shot.

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    Replies
    1. It HAS to come from the parents, & it DEFINITELY exists!!

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    2. For sure it exists. I've known several children of friends who start crying at the mere mention of doctor. One in particular was fine until the door to the waiting room was opened, then he'd be screaming until the visit was over. Most kids I know don't have the fear though.

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  4. Had to laugh at those employee references. Seemed I worked with a bunch of those and instead of being fired, they were promoted to another department to get rid of them. Sadly, they often became my bosses.

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    Replies
    1. Poor baby!! Aren't you glad you're retired?

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  5. Lots of fun here. I'm glad I'm not looking for a job.

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure the Peter Principle (every employee will rise or get promoted to his or her level of incompetence) is still in play here!!

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  6. For several years I worked as the departmental secretary of the CWRU oral surgery department. Nice fellows, but I would have to tell them to put on a clean lab coat. Blood splatters didn't faze them. This was way before the days of gloves and masks in general practice, but I recall them using gloves, and completely unconcerned about a splattered lab coat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind blood, as long as it's not mine--but not on medical professionals!!

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  7. I just found this list of job openings--anybody interested?

    -Nuclear Warhead Sensitivity Technician
    -Circus Elephant Clean Up Specialist
    -Rotten Sardine Taste Detector
    -Assistant To The Boss's Nephew
    -Shark Baiter
    -Hurricane Photographer
    -Director Of Public Relations, Chernobyl Nuclear Facility
    -Prison Glee Club President
    -Road Kill Removal Crew

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    Replies
    1. I could probably handle the road kill removal, they supply shovels don't they? And a driver?

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  8. I would appreciate a dentist in street clothes making things less stressful for children in surgery--great legs or not. And I'm sending in an application for the minon job. I already have experience working for a fascist psychopath and laser death rays would be a nice benefit.

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  9. Love the employee comments...I worked with several of those people.

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  10. I love your work history with the dentists. I'd like to hear a southern accent come out of your mouth.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is about as close as Ah kin come with mah computa'!!

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  11. Really enjoyed reading about your job history ... what a great job! rotten sardine taster? I don't think so....

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.