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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

SWEET REVENGE & CLEVER COMEBACKS


When my kids were teenagers, I took them & a half dozen or so of their cousins (also teenagers) out to lunch.  My husband suggested that I might want to ask my dad to go with us.  I told Bud no, & said that they were mostly from his (Bud’s) side of the family, & besides, they were another generation.  He said, “Honey, you’re another generation, too!”  I honestly hadn’t realized that.  They treated me like one of them, except, of course, when it came time to pay the check.

My son, Matt, must have been 10 or 12 years old when he did something that made me very angry--I don't remember what it was. Anyway, I was yelling "Why, you little..." when I realized I was looking up at him!  Made me stop dead in my tracks.  Matt is now around 6' tall, I'm 5'5" & Bud is 5'7" or so, but we'll always be taller than him when we're standing on our wallets!!


This is Matt's idea of his father taking a shower:

Which goes with his tattoo:

And he just sent me this [LINK]


When her father died, my daughter-in-law immediately flew out from Connecticut to California be with her mother.  My son & their 2 kids followed in a day or two.  The plane reservations were obviously last minute & they couldn’t get 3 seats together.  They were seated directly behind one another.  Matt asked the man sitting next to Brian, who was 8, to change seats with him.  He explained that Brian was very young & was taking this cross country flight to go his first funeral--his grandfather’s.  The man refused.  During the flight, Brian threw up on him.  When we heard, we all congratulated him on his excellent aim.

Some jokes:

A distraught older woman is looking at herself in the mirror and crying. Her voice shakes as she says to her husband, "I'm so old. I'm so fat. I look horrible. I really need a compliment."

Her husband exclaims, "Damn, you do have good eyesight!" 
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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "Make up your mind, do you want me to stay or not?" 
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Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver, seeing that they were so wasted when they got in,  just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said, “We’re here.”   The first guy gave him money, the second guy said, “Thanks”, but the third guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch. ‘So what was that for?” he asked. The third guy said, “Watch your speed next time, you almost killed us!”
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An old woman went to visit her daughter & she found her naked, waiting for her husband.  She asks, “What are you doing naked?”  The daughter responds, “This is the dress of love.”  When the mother returns home, she strips naked & waits for her husband.  When he arrives, he asks her, “What are you doing naked?”  She answers, “This is the dress of love.”  “Well,” he says, “Go iron it!!” 
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A woman is paying for some purchases at Macy’s. As she reaches for her card, a TV remote control falls out of her purse. The sales clerk asks, “Do you always carry your TV remote?” “No.” the woman says, “But my husband refused to come shopping with me today. I figured this was a great way to pay him back.”

I love this guy!! (LINK)













I would be more inclined to grow up if I saw that it worked out for everyone else----fishducky

 



 



25 comments:

  1. Not growing up here. Ever.
    And Maxine is still my hero.
    Some wonderful tales today - megathanks.

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    1. Growing old--can't avoid it. Growing up--NEVER!!

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  2. Thanks for another bunch of good laughs.
    My son is also named Matt, well, one of them is, and he's taller than me by 7 inches.

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    1. Mine is also about 7 inches taller than me--do you think we could be twins?

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  3. Cool tattoo. I got a tattoo when I was in the Army many years ago. Mine isn't nearly as cool as his.

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    1. I think it was a lovely way to honor his parents!!

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  4. All great but totally loved the revenge of Brian. Perfect case of karma. How cool that Matt got to watch.

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  5. Great stuff and I agree with AP above.

    When I was 14 I visited my great aunt who I had not seen for years. Holding her hand down to her waist she remarked, "My, the last time I saw you, you were just this tall!"

    I responded holding my hand way over my head, "Gee, the last time I saw you, you were way up here!"

    Well...my mom always thought that was cute.

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    1. I like to think of older people getting smaller as compacting, rather than shrinking!!

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  6. LOVE his aim... I have only been sick once, on a flight from LA to Miami, from which I went home, got more luggage went back to the airport and flew to Rome. Thankfully, with no incident. *sigh* Life before kids...

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    Replies
    1. Thank heaven, that's never happened to me--yet!!

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  7. Now that I've read your blog I'm smiling as I go off to Christmas Shop. I hope the good feeling from your jokes lasts.

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  8. I've always been irritated with Favorite Young Man for being 6'4". One more inch, and he would have been exactly one foot taller than me.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. It's not his fault--the doctor probably stretched him while helping him out!!

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    2. I like his height. He can get things from the top shelf. He looks like my dad–tall and thin.

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  9. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Still it's sure fine to see someone get what's coming to them. If I could only think of a clever comeback I'd put it right here. I'll think of it at 4 a.m. and get back to you.

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  10. Go iron the dress of love: funny and not funny all at the same time.

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    Replies
    1. Her husband undoubtedly could have used some ironing, too!!

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  11. That guy on the airplane was a class A schmuck. I can't imagine anyone being that heartless. But he got exactly what he had coming, and even better, your son got to watch. If he didn't smirk just a little, he's a bigger man than I am. (so to speak)

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    Replies
    1. Sort of makes you believe in fate, doesn't it?

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  12. HAhahaha, haven't stopped laughing since the start of your post!! But ... please accept my apologies for helping to make your life boring!!

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    Replies
    1. So that was YOU I heard!! Your apology is accepted.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.