Not that my usual
conversations make much more sense, but I was talking to myself a couple of
days ago & I couldn't hear what I was saying because I was mumbling. I asked myself (not too politely, I guess) to
speak up & I was told, "You don't have to yell at me!" & now
we're not speaking. I guess that was normal.
For me. Never mind. (Note: Speaking to oneself is common &
not in any way a cause for concern. It’s
when you ask yourself a question & then say, “What?” that you should start
worrying.)
There may not be a ladies’ Viagra,
but did you know that there are a number of mechanical devices which increase
sexual arousal, particularly in women?
It’s true. Chief among these
devices is the Mercedes Benz 380sl convertible.
Women, do you hate to try on new clothes in a store’s dressing room? Maybe you should shop here:
Women, do you hate to try on new clothes in a store’s dressing room? Maybe you should shop here:
I like businesses
that have a sense of humor. I have actually seen these trucks with
their slogans:
CULVER CITY MEAT
& PROVISION—“You Can’t Beat Our Meat"
ARROGANT BASTARD
ALE—“You’re Not Worthy”
These (from outwestnewspaper.com)
are professed to be real. I have no
reason to doubt them:
ART”S ELECTRIC--“Let
Us Remove Your Shorts”
HOGAN’S WINDOW
CLEANING—“Your Pane is Our Pleasure”
SLIM”S
SANITATION—“We’re #1 in the #2 Business”
ACME RADIATOR—“The
Best Place in Town to Take a Leak”
AMAZING ELECTRICS—“If
it Works, it’s Amazing”
FLORENCE GLASS
SERVICE—Give Us a Break”
GLENN”S
PASTRIES—“Get Your Buns in Here”
(& my personal
favorite)
WILLET'S
WINCHING—“Can’t Get it Up?”
These are not
current business slogans or signs (as far as I know) but I think they should
be:
VET”S WAITING
ROOM—“Back in 5 Minutes. Sit! Stay!”
MATERNITY HOSPITAL
DOOR—“Push, Push, Push!”
BRAKE SHOP—“Free
Brake Check. Stop Here if You Can”
ELECTROLUX
VACUUMS—“Nothing Sucks Like an Electrolux”
FUNERAL HOME—“Drive
Carefully. We’ll Wait”
We have a friend who used to own a
supermarket whose slogan was, "Lowest in price, highest in quality". He once showed us a flyer
he had printed every week. That
particular week, the printer must have hired a new proofreader. I assume he hired another the following
week because in the flyer he showed us the slogan
read, “Lowest in price, lowest in quality”!!
Here’s an
inspirational story sent to me by JANIE JUNEBUG at WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME (dumpedfirstwife.blogspot.com):
THE PASTOR’S ASS
A pastor entered his donkey in a race
and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in
another race, and it won again.
another race, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT
The
bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The bishop fainted! He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the papers read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey & lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS NOW WILD & FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is: Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief & misery. It can even shorten your life. So be yourself & enjoy life to the fullest. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass & you'll be a lot happier & live longer!
No brains were used harmed in the writing of this post----fishducky
