(I didn’t
write this. It was sent to me by
Melynda, who swears it’s true.)
I hate certain
things. Pap smears, blood draws and mammograms, even though I haven’t had one
yet but am told I have to get one, are just a few of these delightful women
things that I despise. Oh, and let’s not forget the famous urine sample where
I inevitably end up peeing on my hand more than in the infamous cup. I don’t
have a hose to aim with, after all.
Anyway, I haven’t
been in for the old crank and spank Pap smear in six years. After talking to
my doctor and him informing me of all the fun I’m missing out on I decided to
give it another go. I have not had much luck with these exams. The last one I
had I bled like a stuck pig due to the brutality of the doctor that performed
the atrocity, and the one before that, where they called me and asked me to
come back in and have it done again as my sample had been lost.
On that particular
occasion they made the mistake of having a young man call me. I was furious
and as I am a bit of an ass I replied, “No thank you.” “You really should
come back in just to make sure everything is ok,” the young imbecile replied,
not knowing who he was dealing with. “Tell
you what, hero. I’ll come back in as soon as you let me take a pair of salad
tongs and crank your penis open, shove a Q-tip up your pee hole and scrape
it,” I replied, losing my temper just a wee
bit.
“So we will see you
next year?” He sounded a little scared and worried that I would follow
through with my plan. “Sounds good,” I said and hung up smiling.
However, after six
years I went back in on Friday.
They started out by
asking me if the student that was with the doctor could perform the exam. I
was a little worried but after the nurse said “It’s OK if you don’t want him
to. He’s used to being told no...” I felt like a louse and agreed. After all,
if he is going to be a doctor he needs practice.
After asking me all
the usual questions about mom organs, lady bits and if I feel safe at home,
the exam took place. I was actually surprised as the student was extremely
gentle and the exam was virtually pain free except when the actual doctor, a
woman, stepped in to check some stuff.
The woman doctor
was a brute and basically tried to push my boobs through my back, and for
some reason felt the need to try to insert her entire fist into my crotch.
So the great
discovery is, when having to subject yourself to massive torture I highly
recommend a male student. Women are vicious.
--Melynda Fleury
The cartoons are my
offering:
     
Somehow this seems to fit in here:
because it goes with ***THIS***
PMS jokes aren't funny;
period----fishducky
  |
