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Wednesday, March 20, 2013

PITY THE POOR PATHETIC PARENTS




Are you thinking of having a baby?  (It takes so long to have one, you may forget why you thought it was a good idea in the first place!)  

First, some NECESSARY definitions:

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the mashed carrots.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone says a dirty word.
PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.
PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.
STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it & to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "Get a washcloth!"
SLEEP: A word used in fairy tales.

Telltale signs of being a mother:

Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor & you don't care.
Popsicles have become a food staple.
You can't find your cell phone so you dial the number on your landline & run around the house madly following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
Your favorite TV show is a cartoon.
You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to a telemarketer that called & HE hangs up on YOU!
Your favorite cereal has marshmallows in it.
You go to the market ONLY when you're low on milk--or TV dinners.
Your kid throws up & you catch it.
You're wearing maternity clothes even though your youngest child is 4 years old.
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
Just once, you'd like to go to the bathroom alone.
You only have time to shave ONE leg.


I have to warn you, there's a BIG responsibility in children!



They can be a big responsibility for YOU, too!
They CAN be helpful--most of them are better with computers than we are.



True, they sometimes complain & are hard to handle:















But we know how to cope with that:












We have our dreams for them:

And if that doesn't work out, there's always this:

And this:


They can be awfully cute for a while, though:


"Just go to sleep," said Mama Monster. "There's no child under your bed."
--James Hutchings 


"I've noticed that the one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse."
--Dave Barry

A different point of view:
"It's good to have kids.  It satisfies those maternal feelings, like when I'm lying on the couch & I can't reach the remote control."
--Kathleen Madigan

Erma Bombeck once said, "Grandchildren are God's reward to you for letting your own children live."   I AGREE!!----fishducky