Friday, April 12, 2013

THE TOWER OF BABBLE (Yes, that's spelled correctly!)

I looked in the mirror the other day & I screamed!  My husband came running in & asked me what the matter was.  I handed him the mirror & asked what he saw.  He said, “Me.”  I said, “Thank Goodness!  I thought it was ME!”  (I’m 78, but I think I’m going to start telling everyone I’m 88.  I look so-so for 78, but I look GREAT for 88!)

Maybe I should get rid of my bathroom mirror 
& replace it with this:

OK, so the first part of this wasn’t true.  The rest of this post is.  What really bothers me is that I’m shrinking—in height, not around the waist.  I was 24 when I first became pregnant--past the age of growing--& I was 5' 5 1/2" tall.  I had four pregnancies & somehow grew 1/4" with each one.  I went in for a checkup recently & our family physician—we’ll call him Dr. Smartass--asked me how tall I was now!  

When our son Blake was in high school his friend David came to see me.  He had a loose wire in his car radio & I was the only one of his friend’s mothers that he KNEW had a soldering Iron.  I didn’t mind helping him.  We had the house where all the kid’s friends hung out & felt comfortable.  Poor David!  Blake & his brother must have had ESP as to when I went marketing.  They were never there when I got home, but there would be David, waiting for Blake, when I drove up with a week’s groceries for our family.  He helped me schlep them up the stairs & into the kitchen.  Actually, he probably got as many (or more) of the “goodies” I bought as our boys did.

You know where it says on your car’s side mirrors “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”?  I once changed Bud’s to read “Objects in mirror are stupider than they appear”.  I thought it was funny.  He hadn’t even noticed.

 I suddenly had a thought.  (WHAT?  It COULD happen!)  As my husband & I are getting older—at least HE is—it’s getting more & more difficult to read the menus in some less than well-lit restaurants.  Wouldn’t menus that glow in the dark be a great idea?  Never mind.  As they say in the Mafia, “When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you!”

One of Bud’s first clients when he started practicing law was a woman who was accused of shoplifting.  Her defense was that while she was walking past the meat counter in a supermarket, some lamb chops jumped into her purse.  With much difficulty (& the surveillance photos), he finally convinced her to plead guilty.  He also had a client who (allegedly) wrote a series of bad checks.  He got her off, but he wasn’t stupid.  He insisted she pay him in cash!

Anthony Newley, the songwriter, was married to the beautiful Joan Collins.  They were with another couple at a topless beach in the south of France.  Both of the men were ogling the “bouncing beach beauties”, which made their wives angry.  Newley said he thought he could have convinced his wife he wasn’t ogling, if only it weren’t for that little bit of drool that kept coming out of the corner of his mouth.

Another celebrity quote: Yogi Berra (the catcher, not the Hanna Barbera character) was making dinner plans with some friends.  One of them suggested a certain restaurant.  Yogi said, “No, it’s too popular.  NOBODY goes there, anymore!”  And some non-celebrity (my sons’) quotes: Blake asked me last year if I had found all the Easter eggs I’d hidden.  I asked him, “How the hell should I know?”  When Matt was about 3 or 4 he asked me if there were still dinosaurs when I was little.  I told him most of them were gone & it was reasonably safe to walk the streets.

I can't remember why I wanted to put this in:

A couple of months ago the high temperature here on a Monday was 49F.  Two day later, on Wednesday, it was 82.  My question is, why can’t God make up His mind?

Bud & I were at a restaurant with our daughter, her husband & their two teenaged daughters.  One of the girls said that some movie star, I think it was Johnny Depp, was cool.  Their father asked, “What about me?  I’m cool.”  They laughed & told him, “Dad, you’re not cool!”  He asked if their mom was cool.  “No.”  “What about Grandpa?  Is Grandpa cool?”  They thought for a minute & said, “Not really.”  He then asked, “How about Grandma?  Is she…”  Before he could finish his question, they answered, in one voice, “Yeah, Grandma’s cool!”

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Go hear Elisa's interview tonight!!
Fri, April 12, 8:30 PM EDT
Triangle Variety Radio

----the certified cool fishducky