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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A COUPLE OF AVERAGE DAYS WITH MELYNDA

I recently got this email from Melynda.  She said I could share it with you:


Dear Fran,

I know you like the oddball, day to day life, things that happen over here so I thought i would share two such events that happened just recently. 

Kyle's birthday was April 25th.  On the 24th I took Parker to the store as he wanted to get Kyle something special for his birthday.. 

As we strolled though Walmart (Don't gasp! At least I can walk to Walmart!) he suddenly asked, "What kind of cake are we going to make Kyle?"

"Kyle doesn't really like cake.  He wants a cheese cake," I replied not knowing that those words would be the beginning of my undoing. 

"What's cheese cock?" he asked, his innocent little face tuned towards mine as people were crowding past us like we were on a freeway during rush hour!  I about died!

"Not cheese cock!" I whispered, horrified that someone might have heard. "CHEESE CAKE," I said louder to make sure he understood as I doubled over laughing uncontrollably.

"OHHH...I thought you said cheese cock.  What's so funny about cheese cock anyway?  Why are you laughing?  Was it the cheese or the cock part?  What is cheese cock anyway?"  The more he said it, the more I laughed.  People were trying to act like they hadn't heard what he said but their grins and laughter and the broad smiles on their faces made them all a bunch of LIARS!

"OK, stop with the cheese cock!" I said when I finally got hold of myself.  I pulled him in close and whispered "Cock is another name for your penis."

Well, he turned three shades of red and dead pan serious  said, "OH, NO!  I'm glad there were not a lot of people around and nobody heard me say that!  I would have been so embarrassed!"

Of course I lost it AGAIN!

Event number two happened last night as we gathered around the campfire as we often do. Stories of make believe and dragons, knights and kings started to unfold when Parker said it was his turn. 

We waited with bated breath, as you know from the "three little piggy hoeer's" story he can tell some great ones!  He did not disappoint!  It began with "once upon a time", of course.

As the story began to unfold about a young page that had to continually go get his masters sword, we sat back and relaxed as we listened.

Soon the young page was tired of running to fetch the master's sword and saw a sword in the middle of the town, sticking up out of a rock. We grinned.

As the page pulled and tugged on the sword he noticed an inscription on the handle.

The sword's name was (wait for it) Buttsword.

Now he had our full attention. 

The page ran Buttsword back to his master in time for the tournament. The master said it wasn't his sword but the page assured him that this sword would work so the master fought valiantly with Buttsword and continued to impale his opponents with his buttsword straight through the keester!  The unlucky recipients of the buttsword cried out in pain. (Insert deep groans and wails here.)  However, Buttsword was victorious and all the opponents lay at the master's feet as he raised his mighty buttsword high in the sky!  Suddenly, (here comes the twist) the sword dropped from his hands and the master lost control of his buttsword.  The mighty weapon crashed to the ground point up as the master tried to regain his balance and fell (you guessed it) butt first on the buttsword of doom.  But then some pirates came and stole the sword right out of the masters butt!

"Give me my sword back, you stupid butt pirates!" the master cried (as I was hurting from laughing hysterically and my son and husband looked on in awe at Mr. P.  He yelled this so loud I'm sure half the neighborhood heard him.  The story finally ended a bit later after some more butt slashing and drama.  My guts hurt from laughing, in fact my back hurt from laughing and the boy calmly looks at me and says, "I gotta write that story down! I should have that published it was so good. After all, if it made you laugh that hard I'm sure others would like to hear it, too. "

Phil, being the champ, stepped in and said, "Son, I'm sure they would. However, that is probably a story you should only tell us.  After all, we wouldn't want someone else stealing it before you get old enough to publish it."

"How old do I have to be to publish it?"

"Well, for a story like that.... you probably want to wait till you are about mid 20's so you can write it just right."  Phil grinned at me, and I nodded my agreement.  "Oh, and don't tell your grandparents that story.  They won't get it the way we do.  You know they don't like butt talk," Phil finished, once again saving my bacon.

There you go, Fran.  I know that was long but I figured I would start your day out with a chuckle.  If you didn't find it funny, then just pretend you didn't read it. :)  I love the innocence of children.  It always amazes me.

Love ya

And we love you, too, Melynda!! 

If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click  HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.
My book's sort of like this:

I am fishducky, so you shouldn't be surprised if I'm a little mallardjusted----fishducky