Monday, June 17, 2013


Ladies--let's keep this our little secret!

I’d like to tell you about an organization my friends & I founded a number of years ago. There are no meetings & no dues.  No rules except that you must tell at least one woman friend about it & swear that you will never tell a man.

Reading ahead means that you agree to the terms of membership.

The organization is called “WHAM”.  That’s an acronym for WHY HUSBANDS ARE MURDERED, although in this day & age it could also mean significant other instead of husband.  Our purpose is to save women the trouble of constantly complaining about the things their husbands do—usually caused by testosterone poisoning.  In my time it meant things like, “I went to the market like you asked.  So, big deal I forgot milk, bread & eggs.  You didn’t really need them, did you?” or “I DID tell you that I accepted that invitation to that formal affair tomorrow, didn’t I?” or my personal favorite, after a day where nothing went right, the kids are screaming & you’re still in your nightgown, him coming home from work & saying, “What do you mean I didn’t tell you that I had invited my boss & his wife for dinner tonight?  Why aren’t you dressed yet?”.  God only knows what they are today.

These are the type of things that do not constitute grounds for divorce, but we feel that murder would not be an inappropriate reaction.

WHAM members need only to look at another member & say “Wham!”.  The other member would answer by giving her a thumbs up & repeating “Wham!”.  This response would mean:
1—I know, honey, I’ve been there.
2—I’m so sorry.
3—What can you do?  They’re men!
4—I’d kill him if I were you.
5—Any or all of the above.

Congratulations on your new membership!

PS—The inspiration for the formation of WHAM came from a line in the play, “The Fourposter”.  After 50 years of marriage the wife is asked if she had ever thought of divorce.  Her answer—“Divorce? Never.  Murder?  Yes!”

PPS—Shortly after the forming of WHAM my youngest son was married.  At the time, he & his wife both worked for United Airlines so, of course, there were many airline employees at their reception.  I told all of the female guests about our new organization & they promised to carry the word back to their many parts of the world.  I fully expected to hear some male newscaster say, “Women all across the globe are giving each other the thumbs up sign & saying ’Wham!’. We’ll get back to that when we find out what the reason is.  Right now, no one will say anything.”

President, WHAM

I ran the following letter in my last post, but it just occurred to me that it's an excellent example of "WHAM" (except this response is from a man who never even met the woman he's writing to):

Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the family room watching TV. My car stalled and about a mile from home it broke down. I had forgotten my cell phone so I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home I could not believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for six months and I'm afraid I'm at my wit's end. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all earth leads. If none of these approaches solve the problem it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.
Sincerely, John

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In case you're wondering, no, I am NOT mad at my husband----fishducky