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Friday, July 12, 2013

CAT(TY) COMMENTS




"A cat knows your every thought.  It doesn't care, but it knows!"

"Cats aren't clean.  They're just covered with cat spit."


"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." 

A joke:
THE CAT & THE HUSBAND


A man absolutely hated his wife's cat & decided to get rid of him by driving him 20 blocks from his home & leaving him at the park.  As he arrived back home, the cat was walking up the driveway.


The next day, he drove the cat 40 blocks away.  He put him out of the car & headed home.  When he got there, there was the cat.


He kept taking the cat further & further,  the cat would always beat him home. Finally he decided to drive several miles away, past the bridge, turn right, then left then right again & another right until he reached what he felt was a safe distance from home & left the cat there.

Hours later the man called home to his wife:  "Honey, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answered, "Why do you ask?"

The man said, "Put him on the phone--I'm lost & I need directions!"
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Which brings us to 
WHY CATS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

---A cat always comes in sober after being out all night.

---You can put a bell around a cat's neck so you know exactly where he is.

---Cats never pretend they know how to fix the video.

---Cats still think you're beautiful even when you're having a bad hair day.

---Cats love rubbing your legs even if you haven't shaved them in months.

---If you ask enough times, a cat may actually listen to you.

---You never have to spend time with your cat's mother.

---You have a better chance of training a cat.

---Cats love to see you come home from shopping with lots of bags.

---Cats treat your mom with respect.

---Cats don't worry about hair loss.

---Buying a cat a fancy dinner only costs 50 cents more.
   
    AND THE MOST IMPORTANT:

---You do not need anyone's permission to neuter a cat!
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For those of you who now have or have had teenagers, you probably know
WHAT TEENAGERS HAVE IN COMMON WITH CATS:

---Neither teenagers or cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

---No matter what you do for them, it is not enough.  All humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand & foot.

---Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat or your teen will ever crack a smile.

---No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

---Cats & teenagers can lie on the living room sofa for hours, barely breathing.

---Cats are said to have 9 lives.  Teenagers act as if they do.

---Cats & teenagers yawn in exactly the same way, communicating a sense of complete & utter boredom.

---Neither cats or teenagers improve anyone's furniture.

---Cats that are free to roam outside have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.  Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Therefore, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians.  It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats on hand at all times. Remember, when you have put out their food, do not make any sudden moves in their direction.  When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection & comfort & it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned!
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When a group of owners get together to judge who has the most beautiful cat, why do they call it a cat show?  To me, a cat show is a audience full of cats enjoying other cats or actually performing on stage or TV (or a fence)--something like this:









I guess this one would qualify
as an adventure/tragedy:


For your viewing pleasure:

                                      




Meow!  (Did you know I was bilingual?)----fishducky