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Monday, July 29, 2013

HELP WANTED



An employment questionnaire is used by employers to evaluate their prospective employees’ ability just before they are assigned duties or taken through other interview exercises. The details given by the prospective employees are important in revealing their performance since the employment questionnaires are archived for future reference, and they can be invoked in case the employee fails to perform as stated in some questions. In most cases, employment questionnaires are kept in active status for a period of three months from the date they are received from job applicants. This emphasizes their importance to job applicants. Below is a sample employment questionnaire for the law firm of DEWEY, CHEATEM & HOWE with well thought out answers.

Date:  OK, I'm free this Saturday.

Name: fishducky f. fishducky (The f. stands for fishducky)

Sex:  Not for years!

Phone No:  4 (I'm on speed dial) or call 1 800 OLD LADY

Social Security No: 7  (Did you know dirt has the number 9?)

Age:  See Social Security answer above.

Name of person to be contacted in case of emergency:  Bud
          His or her phone no:  2 (Speed dial again)

Over the last 3 years, how many days have you been absent from work:  All of them.

Give the reasons for your absence:  I don't have a job.

Why did you leave your last job:  I refused to work for them after they fired me.

Level of education:  Some colleje colledge I are a high school graduate.

Why are you applying for this job:  Everyone else said no.

References:  I decided it would be better not to ask for them from those lying SOB's.

What are you hoping for in the way of
          Salary:  Yes, please!
          Hours:  No, thank you, but I'll stop in whenever I'm in this part of town.



Thank you for filling in this questionnaire.  
We'll get back to you when Hell freezes over as soon as possible.












Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply----fishducky