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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A MEDLEY OF MISCELLANEOUS MISTAKES




A question for you:

How many armed guards accompanied the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian? 


A. None
B. 5
C. 10
D. 15

(Answer below)
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Speaking of jewelry: My husband is an excellent bridge player.  When we were dating, I knew how to play many card games, but not bridge.  We decided that the best way for me to learn would be to go to a local club where they gave lessons & then played, with supervision.  We met an older woman there who dressed rather oddly.  Her clothes were clean & neat but quite out of style.  She wore a lot of what I first thought was costume jewelry, because of its size.  I later learned that it was not, & that she was an heiress. One evening while visiting with her, I admired a brooch with a very large stone at its center.  I told her it was beautiful & asked, kiddingly, if it had a name.  She told me no, then turned over her jacket lapel, exposing a huge  ruby & said, "But this is the Star of India!"
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Colgate has created a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss, but before I explain to you the main detail of these images, look at them carefully. 



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Now that you had time to quietly observe the images, in the first one you will notice that she has one finger too many in her hand, in the second one a phantom arm is floating there, and in the third one the man has only one ear.

The campaign attained its purpose, because it proved that food remaining on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect.

Very clever.  I failed on all counts!  I kept looking at the teeth.  So did you, right?
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This should probably go in here:



This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.  Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.  I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians:  No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.  I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO INSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. It's your call.
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A good Hassidic Jewish family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried.  They call a marriage broker and ask him to find their son a good wife.  

The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give him a long shopping list of requirements. 

The marriage broker takes a long time looking, and finally asks to visit the family again. He then tells them of a wonderful woman he has found. He says, “She's just the right age for your son. She keeps a Glatt kosher home, she regularly attends synagogue and knows the prayers by heart, and she's a wonderful cook. She loves children and wants a large family. And, to crown it all off, she's gorgeous.” 

After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.  The son pauses and asks inappropriately, "Is she any good in bed?"
 
The marriage broker answers,
 
“Some say yes, some say no.”
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I think this video fits in very well  here:

I stole this from saw this in
I Think; Therefore I Yam
& I HAD to use it:
Thank you, Susan!!
  










Answer to Hope Diamond question:

A: None.  When he donated the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian in 1958, jeweler Harry Winston sent the gem by registered first-class mail. Of the $145.29 mailing price, only $2.44 was for postage. The balance was the fee for $1 million in insurance.


One of my husband's favorite sayings (about himself): "I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong."  This should be his theme song----fishducky