Q. What do you call a
musician who doesn’t have a girlfriend?
A.
Homeless.
Q. Why do mermaids
wear seashells?
A.
The a & b shells didn’t fit.
Q. How many stoners
does it take to watch a campfire go out?
A.
All of them.
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When
our boys were young, they were in the Cub Scouts. Bud was the Pack Leader & I was the head
Den Mother. I was constantly going to scout headquarters
to pick up badges & other supplies.
Headquarters was staffed by volunteers, one of whom was a very sweet older
lady named Shirley. You know how fast
Speedy Gonzales moves? Shirley didn’t! I tried never to go there when I was in a
hurry, but one day I couldn’t help it. I
was pleased to see both a man named Irv & Shirley seated behind the counter. Irv greeted me & was about to ask what I
wanted when Shirley smiled, got up & started walking towards me saying, “II’lllll
heellllp youuuuu, Mrrrrs. F------------r!”
(She talked as quickly as she moved!)
I didn’t want to insult her so there was nothing I could do. This has since become a saying in my
family. I’m sure you must have met some
of her relatives—they seem to be everywhere!
This
story has been going around—I have no ideas if it’s true or not:
A Georgia State Trooper pulled a
driver over. She was sure she had done
nothing wrong & she said, “You probably stopped me so you could give me a
huge fine for something & donate it to the Georgia State Trooper’s ball.” He denied that was the case & said, “Ma’am,
Georgia State Troopers don’t have balls!”
He supposedly was so embarrassed he left without giving her a ticket.
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That was a great place to
work. I happily did his banking &
ran errands because he let me drive his new Ford Thunderbird convertible
instead of my car. He used to take two
hour lunches so the receptionist & I would alternate weeks, staying in the
office one week & taking two hours out the next. We were only about five minutes from Santa
Monica beach, so I could spend an hour or so on the sand, drive back & get
cleaned up in his private shower before I had to go back to work. Not too tacky!
Pinterest
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A guy goes into a diner & says to the waitress, "I'll give you $10 if you lift up your skirt so I can see your knees." She figures that's a little kinky, but what the heck? She shows him her knees. He says, "Lift your skirt a little higher so I can see your thighs & I'll give you $25." She does & he does. She then says, "For $100 I'll show you where they gave me my appendectomy scar." He excitedly gives her the $100 & she points to the front window & says, "Over there at the hospital across the street!"
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Michele sent me this & I love it:
My kids went on a class trip to the Coca Cola factory. There was a pop quiz----fishducky
