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Monday, August 12, 2013

NO EMAILS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS POST

This post is comprised entirely of emails that my adorable duckies have sent me.  It must be because:
(0r not!)
Anyway--THANK YOU ALL!!




If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. 


These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. 
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde:  Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long & hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show.)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? 

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? 

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? 
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? 
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? 
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? 
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? 
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

For those of you (poor souls) who still do the 9 to 5 routine, a video:

NEW PROVERBS FOR THE NEW MILLENNIUM

1. Ome is where you hang your @.
2. The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice.
9. Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. Don't byte off more than you can view.
14. Fax is stranger than fiction.
15. What boots up, must come down.
16. Windows will never cease.
17. Virtual reality is its own reward.
18. Modulation in all things.
19. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to
use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
20. There's no place like your homepage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In case you haven't had enough, how about some "He said--I said":

He said to me....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him....You wear pants don't you?
He said to me....Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said to him....That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.


He said to me....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him....
Turn sideways & look in the mirror.

He said to me....How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him....I don't know; it has never happened.


He said to me....Why is it difficult for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good- looking?
I said to him....They already have boyfriends.


He said to me....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him....A widow.

He said to me....Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him....Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.  Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Melynda sent me this video--it fascinates me!!
(Be sure to watch past the credits.)

Inger (at desertcanyonliving.blogspot.com) is running another post on my artwork tomorrow--8/12/13.  Thank you, Inger!!



Thanks again, duckies!!----fishducky