--WARNING--
DO NOT READ THIS
IF
YOU'RE SENSITIVE!!
ANGLO/SAXON
WOMEN:
First
date: You get to kiss her goodnight
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants
to and only in the missionary position.
First date: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.
Second date: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.Twentieth anniversary: You both get blind drunk & have wild sex.
First date: Meet her parents
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You
buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of
her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two
sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boyfriend
and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your
life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the
Tijuana strip.
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image.
Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends and entire Arab
community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
No third date!Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
The point?
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
BET YOU GO BACK AND LOOK!!!!!
Please don't be offended by this joke. I'm Jewish & I loved it:
A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore
leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received
the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation
owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be
my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball. I would like you to
send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried, officers in their
formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00
PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern
conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One
last point: No Jews, please."
Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain
replied: "Madam, thank you for your invitation. In
order to present the widest
possible knowledge
base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best and most prized
officers."
"One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis
with an additional Master’s degree from MIT in fluid
technologies and ship design."
"The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots,
and a graduate of Northwestern University in
Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Master’s Degree
and PhD in Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech
University and he is also an astronaut candidate."
"The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in
both computer systems and information technology from SMU
and he is awaiting notification on his Doctoral Dissertation from
Cal Tech."
"Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander,
is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree
from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the
University of North Carolina. We are very proud of him, as he is
also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda.
Upon receiving this letter, Melinda's mother was quite excited
and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure.
Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers
without peer (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely
jealous)
At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a gentle rap at the door which she opened to find, in full
dress uniform, four very handsome, smiling Afro-
American officers.
Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she
stammered. "There must be some mistake." "I don't think so, Madam," said the first officer. "Captain
Goldberg never makes mistakes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not sure if this fits in here, but it's funny:After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you, too?" And she said, "I don't think that was good for anybody."-- Gary Shandling
I'm sorry that you were offended----fishducky

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