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Friday, September 6, 2013

ANY PROBLEM SOLVED--5 CENTS


Do you want to save money while grocery shopping?  I find that the best way to get two bottles of dishwashing liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping cart & the other in your coat pocket. 

A guy was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone clips on.  He couldn't afford one, so he's wearing his garage door opener instead.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do--write to them?  Why don't they just put their pictures on stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?  Or, better yet, arrest them while they're taking their pictures!  

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro (ball point) pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink inside, it would work under sub zero conditions, underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known to man. The Russians came up with a solution. They used a pencil. 


Are you planning on moving & worried you 
might encounter some problems?  
Budget offers these handy hints:








Don't always have time to drive your dog to the vet?  
Just have him take this course & flip him the keys & directions.  
He can drive himself there. 

This seems to fit here:

How to get off of a murder charge (if you're old enough):

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.  Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
"Your Honor," she began coolly, "I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly."








Perhaps this flowchart will help:

Want some cartoons today?  No problem:








There is one problem even I can’t solve:

My husband & I were married 58 years ago, when he was 22 & I was 20. He recently had a birthday. My question is, since I’m still only 36, how come I’m now married to an 81 year old man?


I’m sorry—I have delusions of adequacy----fishducky