Friday, September 13, 2013


A Swiss tourist in America, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two men are waiting. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.” “Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!”

A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." 

The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher, "What were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."


My daughter & son-in-law speak Italian in their home & English when they're out, so their kids will be bilingual.  When my oldest granddaughter was 2 or 3, I took her to the market with me so her mother could stay at home with the baby.  She was looking at the produce in our cart & saying what we had in Italian.  She said we had "Mele, arance, spinaci (apples, oranges, spinach) & zucchini."  I told her, "No, honey, that's not zucchini--it's a big cucumber."  I couldn't think of the Italian word for cucumber.  She insisted it was zucchini & I couldn't change her mind.  When my daughter unloaded the bag, she asked me why I bought a zucchini.  Apparently, I was wrong in two languages!
If you’re playing Scrabble & can’t move your vowels, are you consonated?
Thank you, Susan!!


A is for apple, B is for boat,
that used to be right, but now it won't float!
A is for apple is what we once said,
but let's redefine these for age, instead.

A's for arthritis, 
B's the bad back, 
C is the chest pains.  Corned beef?  Cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline, 
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention, 

G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low,
I's for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L's for libido, what happened to sex? 

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low, 

O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!
P's for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu? 

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T's for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow; 

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy", you know.
W's for worry, now what's going 'round? 
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y's for another year I'm left here behind, 

Z is for zest I still have--in my mind!

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!



I'm afraid the current generation of kids
will have a problem with language:
If you want to talk to teenagers,
keep it interesting to them:

Of course, it's very important to speak 
very clearly & enunciate carefully on the phone:

Senior citizen: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle----fishducky