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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

STUPID IS FOREVER



Coco Chanel once said, 
"A sinner can always repentbut stupid is forever!"



Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!
Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.
Don't laugh....it is all true...
Here are some examples of people who are so stupid they're not even embarrassed at their stupidity.  These people have the intellect of garden tools.  If stupid were a talent, they would be considered gifted.  The first story is mine.  The others are from an email:

One of our daughter's first jobs was as an assistant to a fashion buyer at a department store. One day the buyer was talking to Nameless & another assistant about a faux fur jacket.  The other girl asked her boss if the jacket was real faux fur or artificial faux fur. I have no idea how far she went in her fashion career.
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These may be titled "And just how may I mess you over today?":

Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.  I asked for a half dozen nuggets. ‘We don't have half dozen nuggets,” said the teenager at the counter. “You don't?” I replied. “We only have six, nine, or twelve.” “So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?” “That's right.” So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets. (Unbelievable, but sadly true. Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener, and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
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I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, ‘Do you know how much this is?’  I said to her, “I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.”  She said “OK,” and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. (But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left.)
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A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
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(Keep shuddering!!)
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked. She replied, “I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?” “Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked. “No, just this remote thingy,’ she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, “Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk...."
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(PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!)
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?” “Just use paper from the photocopier”, the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. (Brunette, by the way!!)
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A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, “I just gave him some ant killer......” Dispatcher: “Rush him in to emergency right away!”
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I believe every one of these because I went to McDonalds one day and ordered a fish sandwich, a bag of fries and a coke. When I got to the window and paid she told me to go to window #2. I got there, the teen handed me the bag, and I asked "Did you remember the condiments?" and he said, in a very rude tone, I might add, "Ma’am, we do not sell those here, you can get them at the drug store or Walmart!" I broke up. I just totally lost it I was laughing so hard and that dumb kid was looking at ME like I was the crazy one!!!
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I recently went to a Super Walmart in Indiana. I bought a nice big piece of Danish Blue Cheese. When I checked out, the young lady at the register looked up in horror and said, "Ma’am, this cheese is all moldy! I'll have the bagger go get you a new piece right away". I kept a straight face long enough to say, "That's OK, I don't mind, I'll just eat it anyway".  I thought the lady behind me would die, she couldn't hold in her giggles. The girl behind the register had no clue...
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The following few stories are from Notalwaysright.com, which professes that its entries are true:


Customer: “Can I withdraw everything from my checking account?”
Me: *processes transaction* “There you are. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, can you tell me my balance?”
Me: “Well, after that transaction, your balance is $0.”
Customer: “But I still have checks!”
Me: “I’m sorry–”
Customer: “I still have checks left in my checkbook, so I can still get money, right?”
Me: “No, ma’am. You can only write out checks if you have that money available in your account.”
Customer: “But I still have checks! Why would they give me so many checks, then?!”
Me: “So you have checks for when you do have money.”
Customer: “Well, I’ll just write one out anyway!”
Me: “You’ll be charged a $35 fee for overdrawing your account.”
Customer: “I thought I had a free checking account. You’re going to charge me for using my free account?!”
Me: “No, we charge you for spending money you don’t have.”
Customer: “I’M NOT SPENDING MONEY, I’M WRITING A CHECK!”
Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.” 
Notalwaysright.com
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And some that WERE embarrassed:


Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”
Customer: “Yes. What are these?”
Me: “That is a fortune cookie, ma’am.”
Customer: “It doesn’t look like a cookie. Where are the chocolate chips?”
Me: “Ma’am, these are a different kind of cookie. You open them up and they tell your fortune on a piece of paper.”
Customer: “What kind of cookies have paper in them!?”
Me: “Fortune cookies, ma’am.”
Customer: “This is an outrage! Cookies are meant to be eaten, and paper isn’t EATABLE!”
Me: “Please, ma’am, the paper is–”
Customer: “Shut up! I’m leaving.”
(The customer begins to storm out but in her anger misses the door and walks right into the wall. When she finally stumbles out, I open up the fortune cookie and read its message: “Do not worry. You will get what is coming to you in life.”)
Notalwaysright.com
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(I’m waiting in line behind a Native American woman speaking on her cellphone in another language. Ahead of her is a white man. After the woman hangs up, he speaks up.)
Man: “I didn’t want to say anything while you were on the phone, but you’re in America now. You need to speak English.”
Woman: “Excuse me?”
Man: (very slowly) “If you want to speak Mexican, go back to Mexico. In America, we speak English.”
Woman: “Sir, I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England.” 
Notalwaysright.com
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Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes - San Francisco

A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of
a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man
began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and
might call the police before he could reach the teller.

So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the
street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there,
he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined
that this robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America.

Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo
teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes
later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
wrestlingwithretirement.com
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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO, I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, $200!  THAT'S TOO MUCH!"  All the people in the bar looked at the girl in shock.  The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people"
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This is Bill Engvall.  
He wants to give all stupid people 
a sign to wear saying "Stupid".  
Then you'd see the sign & not waste your time asking them questions:



Looking for really stupid?
Try the Darwin Awards!!




















PLEASE help Janie Junebug in her attempt to send her former mother-in-law 80 cards for her 80th birthday!!  [Here's the link]


If some people were any more stupid, they’d have to be watered twice a week----fishducky