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Friday, December 13, 2013

THE EMPRESS’S NEW CLOTHES




The benevolent old ruler, Emperor Kardashian of Fariytaleland (just east of Mythicalplace and south of Nosuchcountry) had sadly succumbed to the bite of a dragon.  The kingdom was busy preparing for the coronation of his daughter, the Princess Kim, as she was called by her friends.  Both of them.  Kim had a smart mouth and was not very popular.   

 
Kim was determined to have the most beautiful coronation gown the world had ever seen.  Money was no object.  The entire treasury of her country was at her disposal.  Dressmakers and tailors arrived at the castle in droves with designs for her gown.  She looked at them all and decided none was beautiful enough for her.  She ordered their heads cut off.  The gown had to show off her lovely hair and magnificent figure.  And she needed it quickly.  What to do, what to do?

She ordered her maidservant to call “Say Yes to the Dress” and ask if they thought they could help her.  They saw an opportunity to make a lot of money be of help to the future ruler of their land.  They said for Kim to come right over and that they would stay open late, if need be.

Princess Kim arrived at the salon, and after nastily ordering all the other customers out, tried on every dress she saw that cost 25,000 pieces of gold or more.  They were too long or too short, too lacy or not lacy enough.  The princess was very demanding.  Worried that she might order his head be cut off, and also not wanting to lose the sale, Monte came up with a plan.  He whispered to Lori to just follow his lead.

Monte said, “Your Majesty, there is one dress that you haven’t seen yet.  It’s made of such a special silk that not everybody is able to see it.  Only the highest quality people, the ones on the A-list, are able to view this beautiful gown.  It’s a bargain at only 100,000 gold pieces.  Would you like to try it on?”  Kim reluctantly agreed.  She said, “OK, but it had better be nice.  I’m getting tired and I need a drink and a cigarette.”

Lori went into the storeroom and quickly came out again.  She was carrying a gown high over her shoulder.  That is, she seemed to be carrying a gown but in reality was holding a bare hangar.  She said, “Look at this lovely gown, your Majesty.  The fabric is as soft and as light as air and the beadwork is exquisite.  The sapphires and emeralds on the bosom give it just the right touch, don’t you think?”  The princess couldn’t see anything, of course, but not wanting to not be considered one of the “highest quality” people, said that it was, indeed, lovely.

They went into the dressing room where Lori helped the princess try on the “gown”.  She and Monte oohed and aahed at how gorgeous Kim looked in it.  They told her it fit perfectly, with absolutely no alterations needed.  Kim said, “Fine!  It’s about time you found something decent.  I’ll take it.”  “Does that mean you’re saying ‘Yes’ to the dress?” they asked.  She said, “Are you guys deaf?  I said I’d take it!”

She returned to the castle and soon the day of her coronation arrived.  Her servants helped her into the “gown” although they couldn’t see or feel it since there was absolutely nothing to be seen or felt.  Then again, neither could Kim, who was beginning to suspect that there might be something just a little off about it, but it was too late to do anything.  Everyone who saw her said the “gown” was unbelievably beautiful.  (No one could see it, but they all considered themselves to be the “highest quality” people and didn’t want anyone to think differently.)

She entered the grand hall and took her seat on the throne.  A collective gasp could be heard.  They were just about to put the crown on her head when a voice rang through the crowd saying, “She’s buck naked!”
    

Kim finally realized the truth.  “So what?” she answered haughtily, “I may be naked, but I still look better than you!”  And you know what?  She actually did!









In marriage, two become one--usually after some disagreement as to which one!!----Robert Brault (& fishducky)