Follow

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

SWEET REVENGE & CLEVER COMEBACKS


When my kids were teenagers, I took them & a half dozen or so of their cousins (also teenagers) out to lunch.  My husband suggested that I might want to ask my dad to go with us.  I told Bud no, & said that they were mostly from his (Bud’s) side of the family, & besides, they were another generation.  He said, “Honey, you’re another generation, too!”  I honestly hadn’t realized that.  They treated me like one of them, except, of course, when it came time to pay the check.

My son, Matt, must have been 10 or 12 years old when he did something that made me very angry--I don't remember what it was. Anyway, I was yelling "Why, you little..." when I realized I was looking up at him!  Made me stop dead in my tracks.  Matt is now around 6' tall, I'm 5'5" & Bud is 5'7" or so, but we'll always be taller than him when we're standing on our wallets!!


This is Matt's idea of his father taking a shower:

Which goes with his tattoo:

And he just sent me this [LINK]


When her father died, my daughter-in-law immediately flew out from Connecticut to California be with her mother.  My son & their 2 kids followed in a day or two.  The plane reservations were obviously last minute & they couldn’t get 3 seats together.  They were seated directly behind one another.  Matt asked the man sitting next to Brian, who was 8, to change seats with him.  He explained that Brian was very young & was taking this cross country flight to go his first funeral--his grandfather’s.  The man refused.  During the flight, Brian threw up on him.  When we heard, we all congratulated him on his excellent aim.

Some jokes:

A distraught older woman is looking at herself in the mirror and crying. Her voice shakes as she says to her husband, "I'm so old. I'm so fat. I look horrible. I really need a compliment."

Her husband exclaims, "Damn, you do have good eyesight!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "Make up your mind, do you want me to stay or not?" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver, seeing that they were so wasted when they got in,  just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said, “We’re here.”   The first guy gave him money, the second guy said, “Thanks”, but the third guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch. ‘So what was that for?” he asked. The third guy said, “Watch your speed next time, you almost killed us!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An old woman went to visit her daughter & she found her naked, waiting for her husband.  She asks, “What are you doing naked?”  The daughter responds, “This is the dress of love.”  When the mother returns home, she strips naked & waits for her husband.  When he arrives, he asks her, “What are you doing naked?”  She answers, “This is the dress of love.”  “Well,” he says, “Go iron it!!” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman is paying for some purchases at Macy’s. As she reaches for her card, a TV remote control falls out of her purse. The sales clerk asks, “Do you always carry your TV remote?” “No.” the woman says, “But my husband refused to come shopping with me today. I figured this was a great way to pay him back.”

I love this guy!! (LINK)













I would be more inclined to grow up if I saw that it worked out for everyone else----fishducky